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Why do girls go after a guy when he's only after one...?

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Subjekt_9
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01 Apr 2015, 8:37 am

So me and this woman at work have a "thing" going on but for the most part we have to keep it professional...considering she's my supervisor. Any ways, we're both pretty much exclusive to each other. So......why does it seem now that I've made a commitment to her and her to me, all of a sudden I have lots of girls trying to get my attention? I know I shouldn't be complaining, but still......I only want HER, and its kind of annoying having all of these girls all of a sudden flirting with me all the time. Its sort of creating a problem as well because she sees this and there is nothing she can really do about it lol. I try and go find somewhere else to go and the other girls always find me any ways. I even had a couple follow me around yesterday when I was trying to get away :\ As far as I know, I have about six girls flirting with me at the same time which is freaking insane......like total overload for me. And its not like I'm some great looking guy either so I don't know what the hell it is. I feel bad though :\

Are they doing this because they sense something going on between me and this girl and they're trying to break it up? Or....what? Because as far as I know no one knows about us being semi-together but still.......its just odd is all. I'm totally not interested in any of them and its like they don't even care.



Aristophanes
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01 Apr 2015, 9:40 am

Could be that the other girls know and they're trying to disrupt your "relationship" (you were kind of vague on what it is, so that's the term I'll use), not because of anything to do with you but to mess with your girlfriend. Could also be that you're in a relationship and are giving off a different "vibe"-- say more confident, more attractive.



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01 Apr 2015, 9:57 am

It has long been known that men or women who are in a happy and satisfying relationship draw the attention of others to flirt with or date them.

On the other hand if you're lonely and unhappy everyone will run away from you.



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01 Apr 2015, 10:27 am

Someone who is in love becomes more attractive (happy, healthy, better looking, spreading pheromones) to attract the crush. It's biology.
Unfortunately the "charm" works on not only on the crush but also all other people that are currently ready for a relationship and not under someone else "charm". And sometimes it doesn't even work on the crush because the crush might not be ready or be under someone else "charm" too.

Figure!
Girl A has crush on Boy D but while she is too shy to contact with him so she doesnt get close enough for her charm to affect him. Boy B, which is A's close classmate falls to A's charm and start spreading his own charm. Girl C falls to B's charm and starts spreading the charm too. Then D falls to C charm and gets immune to A charm...
Poor, shy A. And poor everyone else in the unwanted love chain. :lol:



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01 Apr 2015, 12:37 pm

Kiriae wrote:
Someone who is in love becomes more attractive (happy, healthy, better looking, spreading pheromones) to attract the crush. It's biology.


I’m pretty sure you have to be already in a relationship, or at least having regular sex, for that to work. Biology selects for successful individuals, not for wannabes.


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Nambo
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01 Apr 2015, 12:52 pm

I have had this my whole life, hardly ever have a girlfriend but when I occasionally find a girl even interested in me, suddenly there are at least two interested in me, and I usually pick the wrong one.

My explanation is that Women either cannot trust their own judgement, or they don't even like you, but if they see another Woman like you that makes them think you must be a desirable catch if this other Woman wants you, so they then want you.

Its how advertising works, a picture of Kate Moss in a crappy pair of jeans and all Women want a pair.



goldfish21
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01 Apr 2015, 1:51 pm

Kiriae wrote:
Someone who is in love becomes more attractive (happy, healthy, better looking, spreading pheromones) to attract the crush. It's biology.
Unfortunately the "charm" works on not only on the crush but also all other people that are currently ready for a relationship and not under someone else "charm". And sometimes it doesn't even work on the crush because the crush might not be ready or be under someone else "charm" too.


This is a major part of it. The other bit is the classic "people always want what they can't have." Once you're "off the market," you become more desirable to others because you're unattainable. People want what other people want - including other people lol. Also, whether you realize it or not, your body language/facial expressions/words/actions etc that you're putting out there both consciously and subconsciously are saying you're not interested in these other girls... which gets translated by their hormonal brains as you "playing hard to get," which makes them want you even more. If you were single & looking, all of these things about you would be on the opposite end of the communication spectrum & might even make you appear desperate to find someone.. in which case you could be perceived as desperate and undesirable and these same girls might even find you creepy or repulsive.

Just take their flirts as compliments and carry on about your life. 8)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Apr 2015, 2:25 pm

Because....

Quote:
Abstract There is substantial evidence that in human mate choice, females directly
select males based on male display of both physical and behavioral traits. In nonhumans,
there is additionally a growing literature on indirect mate choice, such as
choice through observing and subsequently copying the mating preferences of
conspecifics (mate choice copying). Given that humans are a social species with a
high degree of sharing information, long-term pair bonds, and high parental care, it
is likely that human females could avoid substantial costs associated with directly
searching for information about potential males by mate choice copying. The present
study was a test of whether women perceived men to be more attractive when men
were presented with a female date or consort than when they were presented alone,
and whether the physical attractiveness of the female consort affected women’s
copying decisions. The results suggested that women’s mate choice decision rule is
to copy only if a man’s female consort is physically attractive. Further analyses
implied that copying may be a conditional female mating tactic aimed at solving the
problem of informational constraints on assessing male suitability for long-term
sexual relationships, and that lack of mate choice experience, measured as reported
lifetime number of sex partners, is also an important determinant of copying



Quote:
1 The mate choice copying effect with attractiveness scores grouped into low, medium, and high
categories for men and women. Being paired with a woman from a higher attractiveness group tended to
increase men’s attractiveness ratings, and being pictured with a woman from a lower group decreased
men’s ratings



Quote:
These findings suggest that human females are influenced by viewing men with
physically attractive female consorts. The results did not suggest a simple mate
copying effect in which any male was judged more attractive when presented with a
female. Indeed, being shown with a less attractive female consort caused women to
downgrade attractiveness ratings that they had assigned to men when shown without
a female consort. The results that women with more sexual experience were less
likely to be influenced by the presence of a female consort suggest that copying may
be influenced by the need for information on men’s suitability for long-term
relationships that cannot be obtained from viewing faces as easily as information on
good genes. On the one hand, the result that women appear to copy another’s mate
choice implies that culture could play an important role in human mate choice, as
suggested by Yu and Shepard (1998), but it also indicates that copying patterns may
reflect female mate-choice requirements that transcend cultures, such as the need
for male investment in offspring. In other words, there is no need to invoke
culture or cultural transmission to explain some aspects of mate choice copying
in human females.




And from another study:

Quote:
Milan Kundera (1978) describes it as “one of life’s great secrets: women don’t look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women” (p.12). Hogan-Warburg (1966), describing ruff hens, said it somewhat differently: “It has been observed several times that a crouching or copulating female especially attracts other females and stimulates them to crouch also” (p.196). These are expressions of violations of the assumption that mate-choice decisions are made independently of each other (Gibson and Langen 1996). Mate-choice copying (Losey et al. 1986; Höglund et al. 1990; Pomiankowski 1990) is one way in which this happens, where having been chosen as a mate heightens one’s subsequent appeal as a mate among observing rivals. Females of several species have been shown to utilize the mate choice of conspecific females to inform their own mate search, preferring chosen males over others. Kundera’s (1978) observation that humans are among the species that exhibit mate-choice copying has recently received experimental substantiation (Eva and Wood 2006; Jones et al. 2007; Waynforth 2007; Little et al. 2008; Parker and Burkley 2009; but see Uller and Johansson 2003), for both males and females (Place et al. 2010)




Here it's showing that it exists in both genders:

http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/23/1/112.full
.



Nambo
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01 Apr 2015, 2:50 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Because....


.


Well done Face of Boo for that very informative answer that explains a lot.

So I guess I should get a picture of a few really beautiful women for my wallet and say to women I fancy, "sorry, you are quite nice but you don't really measure up too my harem" and walk away.

Interesting that single mens attractiveness went down when seen with an unattractive woman, so guess I am doing something right.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Apr 2015, 2:57 pm

Nambo wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Because....


.


Well done Face of Boo for that very informative answer that explains a lot.

So I guess I should get a picture of a few really beautiful women for my wallet and say to women I fancy, "sorry, you are quite nice but you don't really measure up too my harem" and walk away.

Interesting that single mens attractiveness went down when seen with an unattractive woman, so guess I am doing something right.


I recall the few times on facebook when I got tagged in photos with women in kinda-huggy-intimate pose (they were just friends), I got sudden female interest, I got tagged once in a photo with 2 fairly attractive women each one laying head on a shoulder of mine(again are just friends), it was taken in my bday, the next day women at work were all asking me about the two ladies and ALL were like "Not baaad" with winking, smirking and all this s**t, and telling them they're friends made no difference.

But these occurrences were short-lived because I so rarely take photos anyway.



Nambo
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01 Apr 2015, 3:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Nambo wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Because....


.


Well done Face of Boo for that very informative answer that explains a lot.

So I guess I should get a picture of a few really beautiful women for my wallet and say to women I fancy, "sorry, you are quite nice but you don't really measure up too my harem" and walk away.

Interesting that single mens attractiveness went down when seen with an unattractive woman, so guess I am doing something right.


I recall the few times on facebook when I got tagged in photos with women in kinda-huggy-intimate pose (they were just friends), I got sudden female interest, I got tagged once in a photo with 2 fairly attractive women each one laying head on a shoulder of mine(again are just friends), it was taken in my bday, the next day women at work were all asking me about the two ladies and ALL were like "Not baaad" with winking, smirking and all this s**t, and telling them they're friends made no difference.

But these occurrences were short-lived because I so rarely take photos anyway.


Well, here is the first picture of one of my make believe girlfriends, what do you think?







.
Image



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01 Apr 2015, 3:35 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Kiriae wrote:
Someone who is in love becomes more attractive (happy, healthy, better looking, spreading pheromones) to attract the crush. It's biology.


I’m pretty sure you have to be already in a relationship, or at least having regular sex, for that to work. Biology selects for successful individuals, not for wannabes.

No relationship starts out of nowhere. And noone(well, almost noone) goes to bed without being attracted first.
The love-makes-attractive thing fuels the relationship at start but it doesn't automatically end when you get into a steady relationship. Apparently it lasts about 2 years unless the relationship falls apart earlier.



rdos
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01 Apr 2015, 3:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Here it's showing that it exists in both genders:

http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/23/1/112.full
.


Interesting. I wonder if it also exists in neurodiversity, and if it does, in what form? I bet the cultural copying doesn't, but I don't know about individual mate copying.

I've experienced this, but it is typically neurotypical girls that does it.



genesis529
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01 Apr 2015, 4:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Because....

Quote:
Abstract There is substantial evidence that in human mate choice, females directly
select males based on male display of both physical and behavioral traits. In nonhumans,
there is additionally a growing literature on indirect mate choice, such as
choice through observing and subsequently copying the mating preferences of
conspecifics (mate choice copying). Given that humans are a social species with a
high degree of sharing information, long-term pair bonds, and high parental care, it
is likely that human females could avoid substantial costs associated with directly
searching for information about potential males by mate choice copying. The present
study was a test of whether women perceived men to be more attractive when men
were presented with a female date or consort than when they were presented alone,
and whether the physical attractiveness of the female consort affected women’s
copying decisions. The results suggested that women’s mate choice decision rule is
to copy only if a man’s female consort is physically attractive. Further analyses
implied that copying may be a conditional female mating tactic aimed at solving the
problem of informational constraints on assessing male suitability for long-term
sexual relationships, and that lack of mate choice experience, measured as reported
lifetime number of sex partners, is also an important determinant of copying



Quote:
1 The mate choice copying effect with attractiveness scores grouped into low, medium, and high
categories for men and women. Being paired with a woman from a higher attractiveness group tended to
increase men’s attractiveness ratings, and being pictured with a woman from a lower group decreased
men’s ratings



Quote:
These findings suggest that human females are influenced by viewing men with
physically attractive female consorts. The results did not suggest a simple mate
copying effect in which any male was judged more attractive when presented with a
female. Indeed, being shown with a less attractive female consort caused women to
downgrade attractiveness ratings that they had assigned to men when shown without
a female consort. The results that women with more sexual experience were less
likely to be influenced by the presence of a female consort suggest that copying may
be influenced by the need for information on men’s suitability for long-term
relationships that cannot be obtained from viewing faces as easily as information on
good genes. On the one hand, the result that women appear to copy another’s mate
choice implies that culture could play an important role in human mate choice, as
suggested by Yu and Shepard (1998), but it also indicates that copying patterns may
reflect female mate-choice requirements that transcend cultures, such as the need
for male investment in offspring. In other words, there is no need to invoke
culture or cultural transmission to explain some aspects of mate choice copying
in human females.




And from another study:

Quote:
Milan Kundera (1978) describes it as “one of life’s great secrets: women don’t look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women” (p.12). Hogan-Warburg (1966), describing ruff hens, said it somewhat differently: “It has been observed several times that a crouching or copulating female especially attracts other females and stimulates them to crouch also” (p.196). These are expressions of violations of the assumption that mate-choice decisions are made independently of each other (Gibson and Langen 1996). Mate-choice copying (Losey et al. 1986; Höglund et al. 1990; Pomiankowski 1990) is one way in which this happens, where having been chosen as a mate heightens one’s subsequent appeal as a mate among observing rivals. Females of several species have been shown to utilize the mate choice of conspecific females to inform their own mate search, preferring chosen males over others. Kundera’s (1978) observation that humans are among the species that exhibit mate-choice copying has recently received experimental substantiation (Eva and Wood 2006; Jones et al. 2007; Waynforth 2007; Little et al. 2008; Parker and Burkley 2009; but see Uller and Johansson 2003), for both males and females (Place et al. 2010)




Here it's showing that it exists in both genders:

http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/23/1/112.full
.


Studies like this make me wonder if I'm even human...



Subjekt_9
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01 Apr 2015, 7:04 pm

Wow......I guess I was expecting to get a lot of smart ass comments but this has actually been quite educational....

"1 The mate choice copying effect with attractiveness scores grouped into low, medium, and high
categories for men and women. Being paired with a woman from a higher attractiveness group tended to
increase men’s attractiveness ratings, and being pictured with a woman from a lower group decreased
men’s ratings"

Makes sense. The girl I'm with is the most attractive female at work *shrugs* Well.....of course it sounds like I'm being biased, but I think for the most part its true. Other girls at work are just "meh".

So why is it then that more men aren't going for the one I'm with? I'm just glad they aren't, actually....though I am known for being a bit on the "brutish" side and can go into a pretty aggressive attitude at times, so maybe that has something to do with it....I was recently compared to a Pit Bull in relation to how territorial I am over my area at work *shrugs* I like things to be a certain way and can be a jerk when someone messes things up :lol:



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01 Apr 2015, 9:10 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
This is a major part of it. The other bit is the classic "people always want what they can't have." Once you're "off the market," you become more desirable to others because you're unattainable. People want what other people want - including other people lol. Also, whether you realize it or not, your body language/facial expressions/words/actions etc that you're putting out there both consciously and subconsciously are saying you're not interested in these other girls... which gets translated by their hormonal brains as you "playing hard to get," which makes them want you even more. If you were single & looking, all of these things about you would be on the opposite end of the communication spectrum & might even make you appear desperate to find someone.. in which case you could be perceived as desperate and undesirable and these same girls might even find you creepy or repulsive.

Just take their flirts as compliments and carry on about your life. 8)




You nailed it. It's either that, or those other women are just devious. :D If you've ever noticed, retailers have used this trick on customers, for years.