I'm So Frustrated

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I'm really REALLY tired of feeling lonely, confused, frustrated, and jealous. I feel so defective because no one wants to have a romantic relationship with me. I do my best to be nice and talk to people, but nothing ever seems to be enough.

I've tried many times to get to know guys I've had crushes on, and they never like me back. Why am I such a turnoff? I've been told by guys that I "talk too much," but if I don't talk to people, they ignore me. How am I going to have any relationships with anyone if I don't talk?

I admit, I'm jealous of other people who can find people who are more than willing to go out with them, when all I get are "friends." It's frustrating, and I'm tired of being stuck like this. My self-esteem is already pretty low, and it lowers when I look at myself in the mirror.

What really confuses me is that many people online have told me I look beautiful, but I don't get told that as much outside of the internet.

Will someone please explain why this is happening to me? I'm really depressed and stressed out. Please give me an answer. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up on life as a whole.

I used to think that the adage "love [like] yourself first, then others will, too" was nonsense. But, I have learned that it is the first step to a better life. Similar to what C.S. Lewis said about reverting to Christianity after years of being an atheist, liking yourself might not bring others to you, but it will make you a better person.

GG, PLEASE don't put other people ["mate material"] up on a pedestal so. they are mere mortals just like anybody else, their esteem is not something healthy for you to dwell upon. you need to esteem YOURSELF before anything else. consider it "their loss" and NOT yours.

But how do I love myself? I don't know where to start.

It's much easier said than done. As a child, I was conditioned to be extremely concerned with what others thought od me, especially my abusive biological father and stepmother. I was always afraid of their rejection and what they would do to me if I displeased them. They always made me feel like it was my fault for not meeting their expectations, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't please them. I think I still have this baggage with me, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I still feel very scarred emotionally.

^^^
first step is to stand or sit in front of the mirror, in the morning upon awaking and last thing before bed at night, and talk to your reflected self eye to eye, about your hopes and dreams, about concrete things you can do to manifest such, about how you have been and where you are going, about how you are a good human being who does their best even when not aware that one is doing one's best, about how you are just as deserving of positives in life as anybody else, how nobody can make you feel inferior about yourself without your express permission, and above all, to remind oneself that one IS on the right track simply because one CARES.

they [father/step mother] are not controlling you now, are they? if they are out of your life, determine day after day, to weed their remnants out of your consciousness, it is a daily psychological hygiene thing, every time a thought of them pops up in your thinking, FIRST THING kick them out! do NOT let them live in your head rent-free! habitually kick them out of your head every time they pop up. THEN- work on doing things that please YOURSELF, at least once per day. if you make that a habit, things will look up for you. the technique that I have been using, is to immediately replace a bad thought with another thought like a reflex- I replace bad thoughts with ANY other thought I can conjure, even if it is something strange such as "I sure like ice cream!" the key is to get the bad thought out of your head and the only practical way to do that is to shove it out of the way with another newer thought. the reason this works is because the brain cannot hold more than one discrete thought in working memory at any given time. so it is a matter of kicking one thought out by displacing it with another thought.
p.s., just about anything under the sun, is easier said than done, practically everything in life requires sustained willpower, STUBBORN willpower. you are worth it.

This is the BEST advice I've gotten in a long time. Thank you soooooooo much.

^^^
prego

atleast you make friends. i don't make either gf or friends.

I didn't make friendly acquaintances until I joined wrong planet the first 50 years of my life, were basically a wasteland. I trust that you will outperform me in this regard.

at last i desire in person friends too. not that friends online don't help I'd probably be dead without them, but they don't fulfill that desire of doing stuff in person with people.
i get very little every 3 months but due to flu i didn't even get that this time :'(

WP lead me to find IRL chums but I didn't actually get to meet anybody until a WP thread talked about meetup.com so I investigated, put in an aspie group request on there, and a year later a group formed about an hour from where I live. that is where I met my first aspies

problem is i don't want to be in charge of a group and I don't want to advertise that I'm different. i pass as mostly normal and I want to keep it that way.

you don't have to be in charge of a group. nobody has to know you attend an aspie group, in fact our bylaws emphasize secrecy of what is discussed in our meetups. there are people who pass for NTs in our group, as well. in any case, good luck to you

this is indeed a very good advice and it's super easy to do in comparison with trying to do deep psychological searches of the root problem and stuff

Gg I know what you mean, I felt it many times too, but indeed like AspieUtah says too, it's better to get your own affection, love and attention than ask it from the others.
I am trying that and indeed it is more fulfilling than what the others give me, because from my experience at least, they will never be able to fill the void that I have.

And how do you love yourself...well Aunty gave a god start.
It's daily training of accepting your faults and accepting who you are, not trying to change to please the others.
If you are chatty then learn to respect that and love that even if they don't like it. Don't give it up because they want you to.
The challenge is to learn to appreciate and respect who you are and find your own created self under the masks you made and still make to please the others.
I'm working on that too so we can make a club