Attire – decoded

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Righty. This one’s been on my mind for some time, and I thought it was about time I did a write-up on it.

Who the heck am I anyway, and what's this doing in this forum? Well. I imagine I'm actually pretty infamous in these parts by now; liked by some, hated by more, and often seen being chased by raging hoards of whacky-stick bearers. I'm an NT gal, lured into the arms of an Aspergian man. I'm mostly an outsider, yet one sitting on the fence in such a way I've got a very nice view from both sides. I look in from my world most of the time, but I have often been invited into the Aspie world - a guest on your planet, my Aspie man my guide.

Now, as a said fence-sitter, I've managed to gain an interesting perspective on things that perhaps the average NT doesn't have the ability to see, understand or express...and here's a little snippet of something that I've noticed. Read on if you wish...I'm about to attempt to decode some of the intricacies and debunk a few of the misconceptions about one of the most blatantly obvious elements of the NT world.

Attire and appearance.
So, what's this big deal about attire anyway? We NTs seem to put an unhealthy focus on it to the point that it's just ludicrous. People seem to be judged entirely by what label and colour they're wearing, and thousands of good dollars are poured into bulging wardrobes. And for what? Conformity? Seems ludicrous, doesn't it?

Well, as many of you would figure, there's GOT to be a reason why we do it; there's a mystery to be solved here, and perhaps this little article - presented by this curious and intrigued NT gal - will help shed some light into our frankly screwed-up world for a few of you out there

Fashion is a language.
'What the heck are you on about?', you may ask. Yes, I did actually say that...clothing is yet another of our annoying non-verbal languages.

As many of you have probably noticed through trial and error, a stupidly large proportion of how we communicate with each other is through non-verbal means. Body language is by far the majority of our communication; it's difficult to lie through body language, as it's sub-conscious. It explains what we really feel, what we really mean to say, and what mood/emotions we're feeling.

Attire comes in telling a different story. It tells people who we are, what our personality is like, often what we ourselves are interested in. It's a glimpse to the inner self for those that are fluent with the language of fashion. It's a statement that we prefer to conform, for those of us a little less fluent in this language.

So how the heck do you speak 'clothing' anyway?
Each item of clothing has a different meaning, every accessory says something further. If we take the metaphor of clothing being a language a little further, imagine each and every indicidual item being a single word, a sentence, a statement or a whole story. It's an element of communication.

An example...

You have a t-shirt. It's a reasonably old t-shirt, but you've had it a long time. It's soft, it's comfortable, it's familar. It's a little bleached-out though, from so much use. There are a few marks here and there, a few stains, a few rips and tears. You were given it when you were younger though, so nowadays it's a bit snug.

Overall, this t-shirt looks neglected, overused and old to someone who doesn't know what this shirt means to you. It doesn't look the greatest. It does your appearance to others little good. This t-shirt says you like the familiar, probably dislike change. You don't really care what you appear like to others, especially as it shows those little bulges you're not so proud of. You're comfortable living in your past, you have no one to impress. The neglected state of the shirt says more about your nature, your habits, than you possibly expect. While it's comfortable and familar, it lets you down more than you'd expect.

Another example...

You have a pair of jeans. They're fairly new, not remarkably stylish but who cares. They fit you like a glove. They're fairly tidy. A nice colour, and they show off your backside in a way that really flatters it They're not the latest thing but they're not exactly out of fashion either; neutral. Comfortable, casual.

They speak a million words about you just by being mere jeans; the fact that they could class as fashionable in almost any time immediately puts you on the playing field as someone that actually gives a damn about what other people think - but not in a negative way. You have enough self-esteem to see other people's opinions as of at least some value. They flatter you, but again they're not the latest thing...you're not a trend-setter or a trend-sheep, you're still comfortable being you.

Great, so the way you look basically tells people what to think of you. Just GREAT. Frikken' yay.
Eh, there's no reason to assume you suddenly have to be a fashion whore

It's not too hard to learn what different items will say, and to allocate the correct ones to explain YOU. Fashion is very customisable, very easy to personalise. Especially when you create your own stuff!

By no means should you be expected to conform with whatever the lastest trends say you should be wearing - that's for the sheep. It's not too hard to step away from the most fashionable stores and look elsewhere, finding unusual items that explain you well and fit nicely, but aren't as sloppy as your old t-shirt and sweatpants.

Riiiight. I'm an individual though, a very unique one. How the heck do I explain me through a bunch of fabric?
Aren't we all! But here comes the crunch... there are so many variants of YOU.

There's you letting it all hang out. You're at home, or with good ol' buddies. Having a drink or watching your favourite show. No one cares if you're wearing clothes or not. So you wear what's comfortable. Because you're comfortable with these people and this environment! If you were a car...you'd be a bit grubby, need a wash. Few things lying around inside that you need to clean out, but no one minds them like that.

There's you at your best. You're still you, but you've refined it. You've given you a bit of a wash n' wax, shined you up so you look good You're on the hunt or out to impress someone...a partner, a potential partner, or perhaps it's for a job interview, or to meet someone important. These people want to see the best of you, the bright and shining you. If you were a car, you'd have a wax and wash, tidy and vacuum the interior, change the oil, air it all out. Good as new. Still you, only squeaky clean and as good-looking as it gets. Niiiice

It's best to have a variety of items of clothing for various puroses, and things that can be mixed and match. Choose items of different kinds that outline you as best they can; there are standard things everyone should have in their wardrobe, but all these are very customisable and an entire outfit can be made to suit you perfectly.

Alright get on with it. Why's this in love and dating? Oh, right. Clothing and potentials...buh.
S'right. Sadly enough, your best chances with someone are on that FIRST SIGHTING. If you look like you've been in the same clothes for days, then no one's gonna go near you. If you look like you put some effort into it, then someone's probably going to put some effort into you.

This is another thing that attire says...effort. If you show that you're willing to give a little for that special someone, they'll be willing to give back.

Let's start with the boys.
Sup guys. Here we go. I've noticed a lot of you out there in WP-land are very fond of the most comfortable of clothes...t-shirts, shorts, sweatpants...interestingly enough, a lot that'd have you labelled as a 'nerd'. Ouch.

So keeping with the above points, here's how it often works in this love and dating game...in NT-land that is.

A majority of girls don't want to be able to smell you...but you knew that. A lot of them don't want to see you in old, casual clothing either. When it comes to being out there in that wide open world, you need something to 'class it up'...enhance you.

The GOOD NEWS is that you're able to mix and match...take a bit of formal, a bit of casual and put it all together. Or, take a single new or classier item than you'd usually wear and put it with what you usually put on.

Example...say you usually wear sweatpants and a t-shirt. Well, see, there's this girl...she's really awesome...pretty, funny, seems to understand you. You know the drill. I promise you, 99% chance she'll flee if she sees you dressed like THAT, sir. Well, the T-shirt ain't bad actually, says a lot about you. Y'know, stuffing on a pair of jeans along with them is going to jazz it up 200%. Ditch the sweatpants for the day, put on some nice comfortable jeans. You're you, of course.

And though the jeans may seem alien at first, that's why you wear them alongside what you normally do...just in little bits and pieces at a time. Eventually they'll become something standard in your wardrobe. Don't like jeans...try a similar kind of pants, but keep in mind they really should be PANTS. As in, with a proper fly and a belt.

So you have the jeans. w00t! But they're not for every day use, they're not the world's greatest. You prefer something softer...like that pair of shorts that fit like a glove. Pity they just don't enhance the raggy old t-shirts very well! Ah meh, you don't want to go for the jeans today so let's stick with the shorts. Now, there's still this girl...you want to be appealing to her (after all, we girls shop on appearance and tastiness...we're not going to bite unless it seems worth our time). So...let's try a very casual button-down shirt. Short sleeves, never have the top button done up. It's a similar colour to the t-shirt, and is made out of a very forgiving, comfortable fabric. Dresses the shorts up nicely...and as an added bonus, one could get away with wearing very casual (or no) shoes like this

Righty, so we have a few items that've worked their way into the daily runnings. They're colours we like, they're forgiving fabrics, and slowly but surely they become familar. Not only that, but if we have to, we can really dress things up and make an impression.

Okay heck. Ya have to admit, these dressier clothes don't COMPLETELY say who we are. They're not as comfy as the regular stuff either. Meh! The alternative...do something with your hair. Spike it if it's short, perhaps. Do something interesting with the facial hair, or get rid of it entirely. Failing everything else, present yourself as clean-cut or like you take just a little pride in your appearance. This is your first selling point after all...people won't bother to get to know your brilliant mind if they're not in the least bit tantalised or taken by you as an interesting person.

Add accessories that take your fancy. Hat, watch, scarf, jacket, any jewellery you may like...etc. They all add a bit, if you can be bothered using them

At the end of the day, the ball is in your court. Let's take identical twins...put one in a tidy casual shirt, put some gel in his hair, put a pair of casual pants on him, and some nice shoes. Leave the other's hair un-done, don't make him shave. Put him in an old t-shirt and a pair of shorts that should have been retired a while ago. Then put a lonely girl in the room with them. Tell her she has to pick one.

Guess who she's gonna pick.

Now, blindfold her. Sit her down with the boys. Get them talking. Turns out the guy we dressed up is daft as a post...doesn't know pi from what's in his lunchbox. The scruffier of the boys is going to university, has a fiery mind. Talented musician. Has plenty to say to this girl, has plenty of time to listen to her too.

Now who's more interesting

We all know that a good personality and an intelligent person are the more important ingredients for a proper relationship. But not every girl is blindfolded...you're at a distinct advantage if you can present yourself in a way that is both comfortable and natural to you, as well as respectable and interesting to all those potentials out there who are looking for something that will initiate contact.

Because that's what it's about, at the end of the day. All this decoration on our bodies is telling this story - 'Hello everyone, this is me. This is what I'm like. Interesting huh? Yep, come and talk to me!'. Tell them your story with the words they want to hear, but with the words that feel most natural to you. Don't worry, those 'words' are out there. It's just finding the right ones

Gals...
You have to admit, it's a bit easier for us isn't it? We don't have to be super-sexy to attract attention from those boys.

It comes down to attracting the RIGHT kind of boys.

Again, it's all about what we're wearing...who we are through the method of decoration that's known as fashion. We're at an advantage here...we have more freedom than guys because there's more available!

But again, t-shirts and sweatpants don't cut it for us either if we're looking to make a good impression. Remember the 'This is me, this is what I'm like' factor...boys pick up on this and know who is 'in their league'. You want higher quality meat, you have to appeal to it

Very important for all you girls out there... you ARE beautiful. Don't argue...you are. Everyone has a charm about them, something that'll make someone's heart beat faster than it ever has. Maybe it's your figure, maybe it's your eyes. Perhaps your smile, maybe it's your hands. The way you walk perhaps...or maybe just the overall package just seems like a tantalising treat. No matter how tall, short, thin, fat, dark, light, funny-looking or downright quirky you are...you're beautiful.

For us gals, even moreso than guys, what's above the shoulders is important. Normally we have more hair than guys...and we can put more style into it than them too. Hurr. Often easy-to-maintain hair is the way to go...something you can merely run your hands through in the mornings to get sitting right, then run out the door. Something at a length that doesn't irritate you, but brings out the best in your eyes, makes your face shape as pretty as it can be. Something that flatters your figure, dresses you up if you need it but can be comfortably casual. Long or short, it doesn't matter...it's easy to find something that's comfortable, you, and a little stylish all at the same time.

We all know guys like a nice figure...and it ain't hard to make one look good. Even if you're a funny shape (trust me, I know). Don't hide yourself under a great sack of clothing...that just ain't hot. It says you have something to hide, something no one wants to see. Sort of like that old rotting school lunch hidden under a text book at the bottom of your bag. No, don't let them think that. If you're not entirely comfortable with your body, go for a bit of baggy...but find your favourite part (maybe you've got a nice cleaveage...maybe a curvy bottom. A flat tummy? Awesome legs? Or maybe your collarbones radiate elegance. Maybe you have a lovely neckline. Nice arms perhaps?) and be proud of it. I take that one a little far, myself...I like my cleaveage and as a result most of my clothes have a dropped v-neck to show it off. But I don't like the rest of my flab, so that stays under cover...I don't show the skin on my midriff or legs, thems the podgy bits! But I've got the curves...so my clothes aren't so baggy that the curves don't show.

Less is more...less skin showing is more for the imagination!

Changing entire outfits isn't for everyone...I for one hate it myself, and I'm NT. I hate clothes shopping. So...usually, I'll buy one item at a time and wear it in.

It's fun accessorising as a gal. You can add jewellery amongst so many other items that can make the most drab clothes suddenly look a whole lot better. A poncho perhaps. A scarf. A hat, a jacket. A necklace. Gloves, if you like. A bag, even. Adding to a 'layer' effect can significantly enhance what you usually wear without sacrificing your normal comfy attire.

Okay, right. So basically all you really need to do is throw in a little extra here and there that you like. So what the heck do different items really mean, in general?
There are blanket terms when it comes to attire...here are some of them.
For the guys...gals, maybe later.
Old t-shirt = casual. VERY casual. This is for familiar company, or when you're at home or in VERY casual places. No one wants to see your worn-out old t-shirt unless they know you already.
New t-shirt = relatively casual. This is a multi-purpose item depending on what's on it and what size it is. Baggy is casual, form-fitting is less so. Offensive or provocative labels and messages make it more casual and less compatible with a wider audience.
Sweatpants/Trackpants = VERY casual, in the same area as old t-shirt. For home, familiar territory or EXERCISE only! NOT for going on a date.
Old wifebeater = goes UNDER something else, or is for around home. It's more underwear than clothing.
New wifebeater = casual, but has an element of sexy! Sleeveless shirts like these show off any tone you have in your arms. If they're tight or brief, they also show off any tone you have through your chest. Looks good on guys from slender through to muscular Can be dressed up with a nice pair of pants and decent shoes. A very variable item of clothing.
Sneakers = CASUAL PLEASE. Or for sport or exercise. NOT for dates. Women notice shoes, yes yes.
Black shoes = Pretty universal actually. Can be casual if they're comfortable, or can be used for informal dates, informal events, etc.
Leather shoes = semi-formal to formal. THIS is what you put on your feet when you need to wear a shirt and pants. This includes job interviews! Search high and low for a pair that are extremely comfortable, that you could wear all day. A pair exists out there for you! Take good care of them. They can last a lifetime, and fit like a glove. Can go with anything from a short-sleeved, unbuttoned shirt right through to a penguin-suit tux. If necessary, you SHOULD be able to run in them...never know when you'll need to clobber someone for pinching your wallet.
Short-sleeved shirt = casual to semi-formal. Look for one that's got nice seams and is of a fabric you like, as they are very useful items. Put one over a wifebeater or somewhat snug t-shirt...don't do up the buttons. For a different look, leave out the stuff under and do up all the buttons except the top one. Put shorts on underneath, or pants. Jeans, with the latter style. Dress the shirt down, or dress the pants up with the shirt. Very, very useful item...and very attractive on ANY guy. Put it with workpants and wear it to work in the summer, if your workplace allows...it's still a shirt, yo!
Long-sleeved shirt = semi-formal to formal. Get that sexy semi-formal look by, again, leaving the top button undone with your workpants. Do up the button and add a tie you like. Add a coat, or if needed for that extra-formal occasion, a bow tie will do nicely.
Shorts = will never go anywhere beyond casual! Sorry guys, but seeing leg-hair is going to take any element of formal out of your outfit. If they're TIDY shorts...the kind held up by a belt, fairly long, have a proper fly...you can get away with a date in these. Board shorts? Casual. Yeah you can walk up and down the street in these. Shorts with elastic to hold them up? Casual ONLY. Stubbies? Uh yeah. Anyone in NZ will know how the togs-togs-togs ad goes. No, these are ALWAYS in the UNDIES category Stubbies BAD.




All in all...remember to find items of clothing that suit YOU. That feel good, look alright. Look good, even. Also remember, you don't have to conform...just know WHAT these items are saying. What you assume something is saying may not be the case. And also...remember it's possible to find out there, even if it has to be custom-made, clothes that are more comfortable than normal. You don't have to put up with annoying zippers or maddening seams, irritating buttons, scratchy fabrics, etc. There are alternatives for every item of clothing out there, and if you're particularly susceptible to the discomfort factor in clothing, it's probably best to research and take note of what fabrics and styles feel the best. Get things made just for you if you need. You'll appreciate it in the end...AND you'll have something completely unique.

This is another 3,600+ word rant brought to you by yours truly, Shale. Get out there and make your visual voice be heard!

Disclaimer: This article is written from the point of view of one mere NT lost somewhere on the wrong planet. If you wholeheartedly disagree with anything I've written here, please say so! Two opinions is better than one, and the more padding the merrier in this department.

Wow.

Shale.

As Res Date Doctor and advisor, you just made my chain of most likely people to work as fashion consultant when I start working for the guy who will take over the world as supreme dictator, or something like that, ruler or something like that, all i know is that I'm the assassin, not the best job, but if I do right, then I'll survive, otherwise a bomb in the head isn't the best thing.

anyhow.....

I've never paid much attention to the whole idea of a dress code for dating, eh.....actually i have, but more subconsiously, mainly because as an AS/NT borderliner, now more on NT side, I went to a private christian school where we had a dress code, but it wasn't til high school when we could step out side the bounds a bit.

I hardly ever wear sweat pants except late at nights when I'm in the dorms, or going out to swim, or just lazing around on the weekend, unless I have to look nice.

the whole mix and match, I do that. though I do it two ways. a long sleeve shirt underneath and ere a regular (nice) tee shirt or a polo on, or a tee-shirt on underneath and a button up long sleve on top, college works really well to test these things well.

the shoes.....eh. I'm a photographer, so when I do shoots, I switch out of my clown color pumas and put on sensible shoes.


anyhow.

You had some really awesome tips there, and I hope others will put them to good use.

I certainly find that dressing makes me feel better. I get a lot of nice smiles as well. But, it's not enough. You still have to know how not to drive the little ones away when they approach you.

Gamester - Lol, hell yarsh it'd be fun being fashion designer for the supreme guy that takes over this wretched planet

But yeah, fashion et al is a subconscious thing for a lot of people. It's sort of forcing yourself to be aware of what you're doing with it that gives you the edge. It's the difference between speaking fluent spanish and speaking spanish like Beckham Lmao.

Photographers are excused from the shorts thing Lmao.

The long sleeves under a t-shirt is a very nice statement, looks good yet still casual...quite sexy on the right build Easy to maintain the 'you' with an edge, really.

Calandale - that's actually quite an NT trait half the reason we dress up is to make ourselves feel better, not just to impress everyone else. A well-dressed guy DOES induce nice smiles from people...I can't help but smile if I see someone lookin' sharp. It's a bit of the battle won if you can master that corner of the arena - the rest of it is actually making the contact eh, and that's a whole new ballgame

Thanks for the tips. I may have gotten lost in the 3600+ words though. One thing you are entirely writing this from a heterosexual New Zealand point of view. Some of your terminology for instance is not recognizable to this American. I suspect some of our clothing is also different. For instance in America cargo pants are the most popular pant at the moment for guys and have been for years. Should you address that and whether it is casual or not? Even gal's pants are now available as cargo capris.

I can't speak for the males, but from the female point of view your tips apply only to young women and heteros. A lot of Aspie females are lesbian or bi and if we dress like straight women it does not help pick up dates and in fact puts off some potential dates.

You are also assuming that we are wanting to date. A number of WP members have stated they do not want to date.

I think you left out the most important tips for Aspie males... well I take that back. You did remind them to not smell bad and that is a big problem about autistic guys. But the other big ones I think you missed unless I missed it are shave your face and comb your hair.

Ticker - thanks for your input there

Yeah, some of the terminology may be strictly NZer (though I think that's limited to stubbies only. Aussies will know what these are too. Hideously short shorts basically, guys only).

For the most part, I put this in the love and dating forum for targeting those that want to date. That's the connection, at least. Those that don't want to date need not apply...it's not that relevent to them after all, useless information

Actually, I'm bi myself. I just so happen to have a boyfriend at the moment...otherwise I wouldn't mind who my partner was tbh. You don't have to dress a certain way to appear gay, straight or bi unless you intend to go out of your way to do so; these are general pointers that can apply to any sexuality really. Particularly for girls...note I didn't really point out anything significant for us since there is SO much out there.

If one wants to enter the realm of dressing blatantly for a sexuality other than hetero, then again that's a completely different ballgame. One I haven't really played before...lol...I suppose you could say I dress 'hetero'. I'd have to drag in local experts for anything in that area, and I'd be happy to do so if anyone's interested in entering that area of fashion. Not my area of expertise...general only for me Unless I get any experience in the field. Who knows. (Kinda attached to my Aspie boy though!)

Regarding cargo pants...they were the big thing a few years ago here, and still plenty remain. I guess I should have included them under an umbrella term too...they're definitely the casual pants sort of thing, lovely and comfortable. I have a few women's ones from years ago. I'd so date someone wearing them, if the option was shorts and hairy legs. Lmao. Thanks for pointing that one out, was a pretty big chunk I missed.

As far as clothing being different across the globe, I wish I could encompass it all but these are just blanket coverages for those that are absolute beginners (aka will actually leave the house and go into the city in sweatpants and a ripped old t-shirt). Jeans, workpants, cargos, t-shirts and shirts are pretty much the basics for guys.

Good point about guys and hygeine too. I'll add that as another post since it's actually very important and should have shoved that post way above 4000 words

Awesome input from you Ticker, thanks for bringing out a few damn good points I'd neglected...

I will never give up wearing black socks and sandals.

Well...that's your loss

Sneakers?

Yeah. I've always been a clothes horse. But the thing is that I dress so far outside what is expected. It definitely attracts both good and bad attention. The bad is not too hard to handle though, and the good just brightens my day. I usually wear costume when dancing as well, and this adds to the attention. But, although people are attracted to me - more than to most other males - I still can't step over to being reasonable with them. Maybe I seek their adulation more than their friendship anyhow - there are probably very few whom I could actually deal with.

Running shoes

I love my leather and deninm.

Leather and denim? Sounds hot

Same as trainers?

I like suits very much with a tie and waistcoat, and utility shirts with pockets and creases. I also like to wear lab-coats.

Shale, this is really good stuff, like a lot of your posts. Thanks for the advice. I bookmarked it, so I can use it for reference when going on dates.