Was she telling me to leave her alone?

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donnie_darko
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25 May 2015, 3:02 pm

I was talking to this chick on Facebook, and I really started to like her, and she would like some of my photos and stuff, and she even said she wanted to meet me. But then I asked for her number and if we could text and she said she's "really bad at answering texts". So I just said okay, that's fine I understand or something towards that line and didn't pester her any further.

However, I texted her a day or two later asking if she had seen a movie and she just gave a one answer "No." Then I said something else and she ignored me entirely. At that point, I decided she was being passive aggressive and telling me to f*** off in an indirect way so I just stopped wasting my own time and unfriended her.

I'm kinda sad about it though, because she seemed so sweet and she's really pretty and likes a lot of the same music and I thought she had sort of a similar personality to me in a lot of ways. Do you think I'm right to have unfriended her and that she was being indirectly hostile to me, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?



donnie_darko
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25 May 2015, 3:04 pm

I don't get why this always happens to me! I don't think I'm unlikable or hideous or rude or anything. But it's been a pattern with girls, even the ones that show interest/flirt with me become hostile once I start being a bit keen about them. I'm pretty sure this Megan chick would have blocked me if I continued talking to her, so I wanted to spare myself the direct rejection.



screen_name
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25 May 2015, 4:35 pm

I think you might have been making a mountain out of a molehill.

She did warn you that she isn't good at answering texts, then you get hurt when she does exactly what she said she does.

Can you un-unfriend her, or is the damage already done? I would keep the conversation in the place she wants to keep it and where she will answer you back.


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
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I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
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donnie_darko
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25 May 2015, 5:06 pm

:jester:

screen_name wrote:
I think you might have been making a mountain out of a molehill.

She did warn you that she isn't good at answering texts, then you get hurt when she does exactly what she said she does.

Can you un-unfriend her, or is the damage already done? I would keep the conversation in the place she wants to keep it and where she will answer you back.


She actually just requested me back and I added her back. Yeah, I've always noticed girls I've talked to in the past will do that and then be colder and colder and eventually unfriend or block me altogether, but maybe in this case she really just isn't a texter.

But yeah, another girl I talked to gave me the exact same excuse and then she just kept giving me the cold shoulder after that.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 May 2015, 5:15 pm

screen_name wrote:
I think you might have been making a mountain out of a molehill.

She did warn you that she isn't good at answering texts, then you get hurt when she does exactly what she said she does.

Can you un-unfriend her, or is the damage already done? I would keep the conversation in the place she wants to keep it and where she will answer you back.


She said No without suggesting something else or something later.

He's right about his assumption, she's not interested. Period.

OP, move on, don't waste your time.



screen_name
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25 May 2015, 5:26 pm

Or, she could just be direct...


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well


Stargazer43
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25 May 2015, 5:52 pm

She said she doesn't like to text, and you texted her, so it's not surprising that she'd give one-word answers. You haven't even met yet, so honestly it's about how I'd expect her to respond. If she said that she wanted to meet you, then try to arrange a time to get coffee with her or something.

Also keep in mind that Facebook isn't a dating site, so not everyone on it will be looking to date. I honestly have no idea how people go about getting dates through it, because it seems weird to me to just start messaging friends of your friends out of the blue.



donnie_darko
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26 May 2015, 1:11 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
She said she doesn't like to text, and you texted her, so it's not surprising that she'd give one-word answers. You haven't even met yet, so honestly it's about how I'd expect her to respond. If she said that she wanted to meet you, then try to arrange a time to get coffee with her or something.

Also keep in mind that Facebook isn't a dating site, so not everyone on it will be looking to date. I honestly have no idea how people go about getting dates through it, because it seems weird to me to just start messaging friends of your friends out of the blue.


I met her through a group. And I didn't text her, I personal messaged her on Facebook. I don't have her number.

But it seems good now that she added me back. :) Maybe she is different from all the other girls I've liked!



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 May 2015, 1:29 am

*Sigh*

Listen to me:

She doesn't even remember that you added her before, girls on FB receive daily dozens of add requests and some add anyone.
When she saw your last message, she sent request, that doesn't mean there's a second chance she'll say yes.



Outrider
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26 May 2015, 1:53 am

Please don't think in the negative or over-think.

Just talk to her more like usual than when you're ready casually ask her to a coffee.

She did want to meet up so talking to her more and waiting until she makes it clear she really wants to meet up is the best time to ask.

Good luck...



justanothersara
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26 May 2015, 1:57 am

Was the group about people being single and looking to date, or something similar?

If not I would say that in my experience, females get creeped out quite often by random* guys asking them out online. My personal experience isn't everything, but I spend a lot of time online and reading what other people have to say (trying to understand them) in addition to having known a lot of females, and being one myself.

*By "random" I mean, guys that they haven't already established their singleness and willing to date with. This is why apps like Tindr are so popular- you know the people you're talking to are looking to go on dates.



darkphantomx1
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26 May 2015, 4:33 pm

Wanna know a secret in life? Girls are rarely blunt and honest with you. Especially if they don't know you. Apply this to other real life situations as well.

That's why you have to learn how to pick up on hints. You're an aspie so it will be harder but it has to be done because being oblivious to hints, intentions, and interest levels is like playing Call of Duty online but you can only melee people. You can be successful but it's very hard to be.

A classic example is if you ask a girl to go to the movies together and all she says is that she's busy and doesn't offer to reschedule. Do you really think she's busy? Maybe she is but this means she probably doesn't like you. Or talking to a girl on Facebook and she only responds with a few line of words without asking any questions back? She's probably not into you and wants you to leave her alone.



Densaugeo
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26 May 2015, 5:20 pm

So...she said she wasn't good at responding to texts and then she didn't respond to texts.

It's pretty annoying to get texts after specifically asking someone not to send them. Plus, some people's phone plans have a limited number of texts or charge extra for them.

Of course it's possible that she isn't interested in you, but that's unrelated to not liking texts.



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26 May 2015, 5:26 pm

Densaugeo wrote:
So...she said she wasn't good at responding to texts and then she didn't respond to texts.

It's pretty annoying to get texts after specifically asking someone not to send them. .


donnie_darko wrote:
I didn't text her, I personal messaged her on Facebook. I don't have her number.



Anyways OP, wait for her to message you first. If she does, then great and go from there. If she doesn't, then probably best to leave it be. Personally, I don't know any girl (or guy) who would reply to somebody they were interested in with something as blunt as "No."



Densaugeo
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26 May 2015, 11:57 pm

donnie_darko wrote:
However, I texted her a day or two later...



donnie_darko
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29 May 2015, 3:06 am

Densaugeo wrote:
donnie_darko wrote:
However, I texted her a day or two later...

Sorry I meant to say messaged. :D