What does it mean when a girl's really nice...(read more)

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...to you, then you tell her you love her, and then she's really mean and ignores you.

Real life experience. Liked a girl, told her I did, she hated me from there on in, and then moved away at the end of the year. Has any of you guys gone through this?

EDIT: Did I post this in the wrong forum? If I did, er.... someone move it to the right one.

My gut reaction, when asked about someone who I know almost nothing about, is to try to interpret things in a fairly charitable fashion. So let me give that a try.

Some people seem to think, for whatever reason, that the kindest way to get rid of a romantic interest is to be totally creepy; that the easiest letdown is to leave them wondering what the heck it was that ever made them feel attracted to such a ****. It's not a philosophy that I'd be willing to accept under most circumstances, but I have known people who felt that way, and who did just the sort of thing which you might have been subjected to.

As to why she would have done that, I can't even guess. Maybe you weren't her type (for more than friendship), maybe she didn't want a serious relationship at that point in her life, maybe she didn't feel like she was good enough for you. I really have no idea. But for whatever reason, she may have felt that things wouldn't or shouldn't work, and decided that the least hurtful feeling to leave you with was that she was not really a very nice person.

Of course, it's also possible that she really wasn't a very nice person, but that falls outside the scope of charitable interpretations.

Heck... I could of mis-interpreted the things she said as nice. But she always marked my spelling test for me, and then smiled and gave it to me, which was weird, because that was after I told her. We never really talked after I told her, so I have no idea what-so-ever about how she feels about me, and what-not. So, yeah.. I'm lost... she moved away, and I'll probably never see her again, so I'd say "Screw it" but that wouldn't be very nice.

As a girl...here is my opinion:

Asking the girl out comes first

Get to know her...Well

*then* tell her you love her.

I even remember a friend telling me she was very insulted when her new boyfriend told her he loved her within the first few days of a relationship...Because to her he hadn't thought about it, but was saying it just to say it...she felt like he was saying it to get something or because he expected something, not because he actually felt anything yet.

Agree with immortal....to say you love someone before you know each other well,sort of cheapens the concept of love....I use to tell guys I worshipped them and if they stuck around for a whie I might learn to like them as well.....(that may not make sense to some but I promise there is method in my madness.


The other thing it reminds me of is those old Lassie episodes.....He didnt want Lassie to follow him and get hurt by the bear,so he was mean to him to get him to go home...it was for his own good,to protect him but it always so sad to see Lassies confused,sad look.OK,I think I mixed up some old Disney movies and Lassie,but hopefully you get the idea?

If she waited awhile afterward, I'm not sure. If she was still being nice right afterward maybe she was waiting for you to ask her out and if you didn't, she was hurt and acted mean. She might have thought YOU were sending mixed messages.

Why did you say you loved her? Was it because she was nice to you and you loved that she was like that? Was it because you loved that she gave you attention? I don't think it was necessarily bad, but I think you could be confusing loving a person's actions and loving the person as a whole. If she hadn't moved, I would say to tell her, I didn't mean to send the wrong signal when I told you I loved you. I said I loved you because you always smiled when you graded my paper and gave it back. I just love that about you. It makes me feel good.

That is very flattering without being too personal for how well you know each other. It just acknowledges that something they did makes you feel really good. There's nothing wrong with that.

If your girl is NT, I couldn't tell you with certainty why she did this...but here's my aspie perspective on what it means when a girl's really nice:

I generally try to smile and be friendly with everyone, because I don't want to come off as being rude or stuck up (or just plain weird!). In my experience, men always take it to mean that I'm coming on to them.
IT IS INFURIATING!! !! !
All I'm trying to do is be a decent human being and to do people the common courtesy of acknowledging their existance regardless of who they are or how they look, how much money they have or what others might think of them... and they make me regret it every time!!
Why?? I don't understand this.
Are men just so used to women being rude to them and ignoring them all the time that they think that just because I smiled and said hello that I want to jump into bed with them??? WTF????

If any aquaintance of mine professed their love out of the blue...I would be kind to them at that moment and I would aim to leave their feelings intact, because I am essentially a nice person... but privately I would probably be very angry and resentful at being objectified in such a way when I have so much more to offer. I would probably avoid seeing or speaking to that person again.

Maybe it's kinda like how women murderes tend to use poison: just because they want someone dead doesn't mean they want to get their hands dirty.

Short answer ... she may feel that you have objectified her (esp if you don't know her very well).
Although...some NT women seem to like that.....?

I managed to do something similar with one of my exes... In fact I told her I loved her before even asking her out, hehe... well when I asked her out she said yes but then she dumped me the next day. (And now we're good friends but I no longer have feelings for her. Proof that you can be friends with exes.)

I think it's just that a lot of girls get scared by you proffessing your feelings in such a strong way, so early on. You should only really tell a girl you love her if you've already been going out with her for a while. Or if she tells you first.

Also consider this... love is a tricky concept. There are so many different types of love - love between friends, romantic love, sexual love, love for family, platonic love, "agape" love, etc. If you tell someone you love them, it can be confusing for them because they don't know what you mean by it. It helps if you are sure of what you mean by it yourself.

Sometimes also true of guys. Sometimes also true of later on. The first time you tell someone you love them, the reaction is not going to be minor. It may be open, or it may be hidden, it may be bad, or it may be good, but it will never be negligible.

what happened to you happened to me, except im confused if she likes me or not, i say silly stuff and she laughs and grins, in year 7 in drama i made her laugh loads and she gave me a really nice smile, but i'm not sure and she has a boyfriend now

Yeah, getting lead-footed has gotten me similar results in the past.

Every now and then it can work, but you're going to scare the pcheeps out of any little bird that doesn't feel the same.

I think the word love can be scary to people, therefore i would try and avoid using it in most situations.

Depends on how soon or long you tell the girl you like her. If you throw "love" out there too soon then uh...yeah, I can see why she'd freak out. Most anyone would.

My problem has always been waiting too LONG to tell a girl that I liked them because by that time they already see me as the best friend/brother or whatever. However, I nipped that problem on the butt last night Sorry, still coming down from an incredible high NOT caused by drugs.

Yeah, LIKE is a pretty strong emotion to risk telling someone about.

I think I understand. When you worship someone, you don't know who they really are, and you worship who you think they are. But, in order to learn to like someone, you have to know who they really are, and like that person. I always to seem to fall for who I think someone is, not who they really are.