Didnt date in HS/College feel unprepared for dating as adult

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I didn't have a girlfriend or go on dates in high school and college and now I feel unprepared to date as an adult at 23. I had girls that were interested in me in both High School and College but was too nervous to act on them.
Now as an adult I feel like I'm at a disadvantage because I'm starting at day one when most potential girls started dating in middle school. I just feel like most girls in my area by my age have already had 3 or more boyfriends or at least one long-term boyfriend. Meaning the girls in my area have a lot of experience dating and have a lot of expectations and are more picky in who they date. Example: you must look like this, make this much money, and have your own place. I don't know I'm just feeling more lonely than usually(I took a vacation from work recently and realized that I have no one to hangout or catch up with), I feel like most guys my age don't have guy friends they see every week its more like once a month and then they have a girlfriend they spend all their time with. I guess I'm just sad that I have no one to spend time with. I also feel like there were more intellectual/nerdy girls in college as opposed to back home where all the girls my age are into country music, fishing, and riding four-wheelers, ect.
But anyways sorry for this being long winded but the point is I feel like its almost impossible for to start dating now. I feel like I really missed out on an important human experience does anyone else feel like this?

Don't waste your time with trifling little girls who want you to look or act a certain way and spend a lot of money on them.

I mean unless you figure you have a shot at bedding them and that is all you want from them. Shallow can't complain about shallow, right? If they chose the game they can't complain if you played it.

But if you want a more serious relationship, if someone doesn't like you for you, move on. it'll never be worth it.

If they actually like you, they probably won't care about your inexperience.

Beyond that i have no advice. i never dated much either.

You are not alone. Your story sounds exactly like mine. Had one or two girls seem to like me in school but fear stopped me, never dated, and now I sit here at the age of 30 in the same boat. I don't try anymore due to fear and not knowing how. I bury myself in 80+ hr work weeks and and try to ignore the pain.

Good luck

i'm 27 and never had a girlfriend either, it's a constant pain, frustration for me, if theres anything I hate more than always having to make the first move, is that being needy, clingy, desperate is a thousand, million, billion times worse for guys than the other way around, yes it's how reality works, just because its the way it is doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it.

Well, I'm here to tell you. That stuff about "tis better to have loved and lost"?

BS. Complete BS.

Having loved and lost is much, much worse.

Not that i recommend against loving.

But sometimes aspies can be obsessive. And that makes the relationship harder for both sides, and increases the damage factor when it ends.

So, you know, check yourself, before you wreck yourself. Literally, on both counts.

I totally believe that dating since teens....or at least starting in university is very important for the personal development; I've noticed that people who have started dating as young are better experienced now.
All the guys I knew who started dating back in HS/college got married earlier.

I think part of why so many adults (25+) here struggle is due to lack of experience.

My "experience":

• in high school, you're far too young to date;

• in college, you're either far too young to date or far too old to start dating;

• later, you're far too old to start dating.

And that, in most cases, means it's very important to move away from your parents' home and start earning a completely independent living as early as possible. If you want a higher education, you'd better pay for it yourself entirely. Good luck convincing most parents to promote anything, like dating, which usually leads to sex sooner or later, rather than discouraging it for as long as possible.

Couldn't agree more! I lived at home in college, so dating was pretty much out of the question. Most people in my college went on dates that started around 10:00 PM and ran into early morning hours. That wasn't an option for me, because I had to be home when my parents told me to. The only girl (that's singular!) who agreed to date me was someone I was uncomfortable being seen in public with. We did high school-style afternoon and evening dates. Despite me finding her unattractive, I still continued to see her and felt thankful beyond thankful to have her in my life.

When I graduated from college a virgin (although I got quite a few make-outs at other schools when visiting friends), I knew something had to be done. So I made a hard-and-fast decision: I hired an escort. She was in the top 10 in my city, and did her job well, despite not allowing kissing. (Most high-end escorts do.) I played catch-up with escorts over the next four years, and soon had more sex partners than all my friends except one.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 14 Jul 2015, 11:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

I'm female and only 20 but can really relate to this. I feel like the only person I know who has had no experience with dating (at this age). During high school I was not that popular and my studies were my main priority. But it would have been nice to have at least been genuinely liked by someone or asked out. It's like a basic experience that people are expected to have in their teens so when you haven't, it's understandable that you feel as though you've missed out on something or are at a disadvantage. You're not the only one!

I was very scared to ask girls out since i can remember. Took the plunge recently and asked a girl at work out at least i know it wasnt meant to be and can move and and not ponder on what could have been. Think it has boosted my confidence and i'd be more likely to ask another girl out .

I really don't understand when your suppose to start dating then if you cant date in college or after if you live at home. I don't think living at home has ever stopped anyone ever from not dating I think in my case it might help me get closer to moving out.

I don't think living with your parents limits your ability to get a first date.

Unless she knows about it before you ask.

Depends on your age and situation though.

and somethings in life I feel are just better experienced in your young youthful years, that's why the Husband of my Aunt, they recently got married, so not really used to calling him Uncle yet, he said that he wishes he met her 20 years ago, they are both in their 50's.

And that's why I plunged headfirst into the world of escort services at the age of 22. I wanted to experience sex at a YOUNG age, when "he" can still stand up without the blue pill. But I had a problem: I was hideously ugly back then, and had poor social skills to boot. So no free girl would touch me with a 100-foot pole, not even while wearing a hazmat suit. (Meanwhile, I had a friend who kept finding new sex partners everywhere he went, which added to my depression.) The movie "40-Year-Old Virgin" couldn't have come out at a worse possible time!

Long story short, I hired my first escort. The ease of the process and got me hooked. Soon, I was living the fast life! (the details of which are better left unsaid) The bulk of my sex life in my 20's was paid-for, and some years, 100% of it. I have no regrets; I wanted to experience sex at a young age, and I did.

That said, I wish I were born more attractive. (And by extension, be able to attract free girls and leave escorts alone.) But you can't fight nature, and plastic surgery can only go so far. The course of action I picked may not be cost-effective, but it works well enough. So no need to fix what ain't broke.

Yea I'm not interested in escorts.
I pretty much knew in my heart (even before I posted this) that dating was not for me if things keep going the way they always have. I'm just too strange I don't know how to socialize normally and feel comfortable in social settings. My personality(or my lack of personality) is a also deal breaker I'm just very quiet and stiff in public some people compare me to robot. But that doesn't meant doesn't make me sad that 1. I missed out and 2. my little brother has had tons of girlfriends since middle school and I haven't had any. Maybe I should just focus making actual friends irl for right now.

there are times I feel so bitter and resentful still over being single at my age, it makes me almost never feel in the mood to socialize and meet girls because whenever I see a girl, I feel like not going over to talk to them because of my horrible experience and past with women.