The friendzone is an absurd concept

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Cockroach96
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17 Oct 2015, 1:31 pm

One of the latest trends in the dating market is the infamous friendzone, in which guys often find themselves trapped. You're friends with your crush but she doesn't want to go beyond that. I understand you are frustrated, but you should know that she is also a human being and is not obliged to like you. If she's not into you, stop insisting. Break the friendship and move on.

Why do men think of women as prizes to be won, instead of human beings to be respected?

Also, have you ever found yourself trapped in the friendzone?


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The Grand Inquisitor
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17 Oct 2015, 1:37 pm

I agree with you. If someone's not into you, they're simply not into you. I do believe in the friendzone in terms of liking someone that only sees you as a friend, and I've had this happen to me, but I don't think the friendzone is something you should try to force your way out of. Of course, being friendzoned time and time again would really start to wear on you, but that still doesn't change the fact that you should respect people's right to be with and not be with who they want.



sly279
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17 Oct 2015, 2:58 pm

I simple choose to never be friends with women in person. We either meet on a date or never meet.



marshall
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17 Oct 2015, 3:26 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
Why do men think of women as prizes to be won, instead of human beings to be respected?

Why do you think all men think this way? You pretend to understand someone's frustration, but you don't. If you did you wouldn't speak this way.



Jono
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17 Oct 2015, 3:44 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
One of the latest trends in the dating market is the infamous friendzone, in which guys often find themselves trapped. You're friends with your crush but she doesn't want to go beyond that. I understand you are frustrated, but you should know that she is also a human being and is not obliged to like you. If she's not into you, stop insisting. Break the friendship and move on.

Why do men think of women as prizes to be won, instead of human beings to be respected?

Also, have you ever found yourself trapped in the friendzone?


Yes, but how do you know that she's not into you as well? Some of the people who you think may of put you in the "friend zone" may actually be into you or at least open to dating but don't do anything about it because you haven't asked them or are shy or are too socially inept to know what to do.



Dantac
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17 Oct 2015, 3:52 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
One of the latest trends in the dating market is the infamous friendzone, in which guys often find themselves trapped. You're friends with your crush but she doesn't want to go beyond that. I understand you are frustrated, but you should know that she is also a human being and is not obliged to like you. If she's not into you, stop insisting. Break the friendship and move on.

Why do men think of women as prizes to be won, instead of human beings to be respected?

Also, have you ever found yourself trapped in the friendzone?


There is always a difference in definition of the friend zone and that is the problem. What you describe is, to me, not the friend zone. That is being s**t out of luck.

To me, the friend zone is when a girl IS your friend and she knows you would like to be more than that and she does not tell you she doesn't want to go beyond that but rather keeps you as an alternative option while receiving all the benefits of a more than friend but not boyfriend relationship. The 'trap' of the friend zone is precisely that you cannot 'push' to have a relationship because it is wrong and it most likely would be pushing her away and at the same time you keep receiving messages that she is interested but just not ready at that time.

I find it hilarious when women complain about the friend zone as if the guy was butthurt that she did not want to have a relationship with him... when at the same time they ignore all the things they did to keep the guy roped around their fingers without giving a clear 'im not interested' response. Perhaps its done on purpose, perhaps not, but the end result is the same.



Spiderpig
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17 Oct 2015, 4:03 pm

They have every right to keep you as an alternative option and not care about wasting your life with false hope. It’s up to you to let them or not. You have to decide when you’ve waited long enough for a clear answer that never came and move on.


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cberg
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17 Oct 2015, 4:11 pm

TL;DR? - All this means in any definite sense is that people are on the hook for being nice to each other...


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Dantac
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17 Oct 2015, 4:21 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
They have every right to keep you as an alternative option and not care about wasting your life with false hope. It’s up to you to let them or not. You have to decide when you’ve waited long enough for a clear answer that never came and move on.


dissemble much?



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17 Oct 2015, 4:22 pm

Why men always think about romantic things when his friend happens to be a female. Why cannot be friends with her? She thinks him as a good human being, kind, genuine, caring person..so she prefers to hang out with that kind of beings to selfish beings, so she has hung out with him but all the sudden he stops being friends with her as soon as he knows that she thinks him as a good "friend". And she left alone thinking "what the hell did happen?"


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17 Oct 2015, 4:27 pm

Drawyer wrote:
Why men always think about romantic things when his friend happens to be a female. Why cannot be friends with her? She think him as a good human being, kind, genuine, caring person..so she prefers to hang out with that kind of beings than selfish beings, so she has hung out with him but all the sudden he stops being friends with her as soon as he knows that she thinks him as a good "friend". And she left alone thinking "what the hell did happen?"


Agreed with this.

I have more female friends than male friends. I may have been friend zoned lot of times but I haven't asked more than two out to be honest. It about chemistry and that. If she still talks to me in a familiar way as before asking her out, it is good thing. Learning social skills and be with people to talk to was most important thing for me when I have lot of female friends, they are all NTs.

The longer you wait, the better results will be because some of your female friends may tell some lady about who you are and she may come finally accept you. Then you will be trapped with that lady for life.

My strategy is just keep showing the good myself to them, not just impressing them but more of good positive attitudes and personality.



hurtloam
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17 Oct 2015, 4:32 pm

I genuinely don't think the friend zone is about feeling entitled. It's a guy suffering from unrequited love. That's all I see it as.

It must hurt like hell if it keeps happening. It would be difficult not to feel at least a little bit bitter, unless you're super cheery.

The problem is when the bitter guys flake out on new people they've just met and got rejected by for just saying hello, like on those bad tinder experience memes.

There should be some sort of support group where they (we, if I qualify) can remind each other that being angry solves nothing and to keep up being kind and looking for the good in life. Don't let the darkness consume. Go look at puppy memes instead.

It hurts when you keep trying, but really don't understand why no one fancies you back. But rather than hating the opposite sex for it and reinforcing the anger we need to reinforce a positive attitude.



KoalaAardvark
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17 Oct 2015, 4:54 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I genuinely don't think the friend zone is about feeling entitled. It's a guy suffering from unrequited love. That's all I see it as.

It must hurt like hell if it keeps happening. It would be difficult not to feel at least a little bit bitter, unless you're super cheery.

The problem is when the bitter guys flake out on new people they've just met and got rejected by for just saying hello, like on those bad tinder experience memes.

There should be some sort of support group where they (we, if I qualify) can remind each other that being angry solves nothing and to keep up being kind and looking for the good in life. Don't let the darkness consume. Go look at puppy memes instead.

It hurts when you keep trying, but really don't understand why no one fancies you back. But rather than hating the opposite sex for it and reinforcing the anger we need to reinforce a positive attitude.


^^ yes, on the unrequited love. Sooooo right!!



Dantac
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17 Oct 2015, 4:58 pm

Drawyer wrote:
Why men always think about romantic things when his friend happens to be a female. Why cannot be friends with her? She thinks him as a good human being, kind, genuine, caring person..so she prefers to hang out with that kind of beings to selfish beings, so she has hung out with him but all the sudden he stops being friends with her as soon as he knows that she thinks him as a good "friend". And she left alone thinking "what the hell did happen?"


This is an assumption that it happens 100% of the time. A guy can be friends with a girl without romantic feelings... and if he develops them he can even ask her if she wants to be more than friends and if she says no, that is not a problem.

What I'm saying in my definition is that the guy has asked and she does not say yer or no but rather indicates 'maybe' and enters into what is essentially a much more than friends (more than what was before) but not a couple type of relationship to which the guy is an indication that the possibility is more than 50% it will happen... and year+ later sees her go through other guys in relationships and that he has been kept as the alternate that never she much rather choose as a last resort type of thing.

This thing you describe as "She thinks him as a good human being, kind, genuine, caring person..so she prefers to hang out with that kind of beings to selfish beings, so she has hung out with him"... she could/would have all that after telling the guy she's not interested in him in that sense. Friendship is friendship. What I'm describing is plain old leading someone by the nose and using/manipulating them.

I get it, maybe she's not sure of it herself. But you can't come around and place the blame for breaking the friendship on the guy. Considering the fact that it is her who did not give him a definite answer after a long period of time in which she herself goes from one relationship to the other all the while this 'great guy friend' is there and she knows his feelings for her. When that answer does not arrive and the guy realizes she's just going to keep going from one guy to another that's when he feels used and you do not keep a friendship with someone that uses you for their convenience.

She does not owe him a relationship. She owes him the decency of an answer.

That's how I see it.



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17 Oct 2015, 5:16 pm

Another one of these threads *rolls eyes*. The friendzone doesn't exist in the sense that women put guys in a friendzone after a duration of time. Men are either automatically put in the *I'm not attracted to him sexually zone*, or *I am attracted to him sexually*. I've had sex with women whom I was friends with for years. The trouble comes when females just string guys along. They'll imply that you'll have a chance of getting with them knowing damn well they are just using you. Then all these feminist will b***h and complain about men seeing women as a prize. No, men just hate wasting their time and energy and getting taken advantage of. *Angry feminist rant insert here*. Before the usually "You'll never get a girlfriend bs starts, I'm going to state that I have a girlfriend. Yes, she does know my political views.



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17 Oct 2015, 5:18 pm

:scratch: :huh: :coffee: :shrug:

I'm in a zone. Friends are welcome to drop by...


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