Am I a loser?? Someone please relate!! !

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I'm turning 20 in February and I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I've kissed one boy in my life (and hated it and got mad at him LOL) and I am starting to be very self aware in this area. Any advice?

You're not a loser. You're just waiting for the right person in my opinion.

Don't feel pressure to do things at the "same time" as other people. Don't fall into that trap.

Yeah, this. You're actually farther along than I am and I'm 35. Don't sweat it, just find people who like some of the same things you do and you'll be able to find the right someone eventually.

It's normal at that age for plenty of people, aspie or N.T, ma'am to have never ever had a relationship.

Besides, having a relationship as a teen I've observed is pointless and terrible.

I'm happy to have waited a bit longer than everyone else and had my first relationship at 16.5.

I've noticed most high school relationships don't last at all, and most high schoolers who do date just cycle through people.

They may have 'first-times', they may still choose to remain friends with their former partner afterwards, but they never make any true and meaningful connections and probably won't talk to them anymore after high school.

They might develop a small amount of puppy love for one another, but unless their relationship can survive to adulthood, they never reach true love, something adulthood puts to the test.

But, seriously, I'm saying it's quality over quantity. You could end up only dating one person and they could be the right person, or cycle through dozens to never find the right one. Which would you prefer? If it's the first one but it takes a little longer for you because of it, isn't it worth it?

Anyway, I had one friend who had been involved with four males before within 4 years of high school before she met the right person for her supposedly in her 5th year. They're 'engaged', but I honestly can't take it seriously. Not only are they both 17 years old, but they hadn't been dating for long. It took them 6 weeks for their first kiss, but less than three months to become 'engaged'? That's absolutely ludicrous.

Which brings me to my next point. Relationships as a teen can just be fricken silly, with 14 year olds talking of marriage and also too many anniversaries.

Most adult relationships only have one year anniversaries, teen relationships might have 6 month anniversaries, 3 month anniversaries or even an anniversary every month.

To me that's just another indicator that teens are self-aware and insecure enough that their relationship won't last that they have to celebrate an anniversary every single month.

They call each other goofy, gay sounding names like 'Bae' and such. And I don't mean 'gay' in an offensive way, I mean the words they use are so silly, effeminate and childish, the only word I can summarise it with is 'gay'.

Talking of special things related to a relationship can't be done as mature discussion is out of the question.

Also, due to immaturity in high school ex's can be especially terrible and mess with you. I knew of one girl who's annoying ex went to great lenghts to try and get back together with her, even going so far as to get her sent to the school psychiatrist, etc.

Anyway, my first girlfriend was terrible and not a happy experience, my current girlfriend is better.

But either way ma'am, I think you've got to really wonder, are high school relationships really worth it?

I've given you a high school relationship perspective as you weren't in high school too long ago as well. You haven't been lonely as a young adult for too long, and that's not a bad thing.

Some posters have given good advice, though it is easier said than done (eg. trying to refrain from comparing yourself to others). Is there a specific person you're interested in? If so, then I'd say take a risk and initiate something, like ask him/her out to coffee or some fun activity.

p.s. Your thread title reminded me of the movie "Little Miss Sunshine". If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it

Everyone matures and nurtures at different times, sometimes it can take time for doors to open. Innocence, naivety and depth are underrated in our society.

I can kiss you in a way you'd like Really though, I didn't have my first relationship until shortly after turning 20. Have people shown interest in you? Have you been interested in anyone? What is it that you think is holding you back?

Geez, wait till your 30 and then complain.

Cliched advice but I would second the fact you are young and don't have anything to worry about. Trust me, it's not like a job opening where you need to have experience to have a shot: in many ways experience can work against you because you start to pigeonhole people into categories without getting to really know them. I should know: I forced myself to get "experience" and might have missed out on my Fiancee! Guess what? She has very little experience and is nothing short of amazing, especially in ways I cannot discuss here

Hi, I'm 23 and never had a relationship either.
Then again... I sit at home all day surfing the Internet, not doing much else.
There are soooo many dateless people on this site, you'll find plenty here who can relate.
My advice is the vanilla one: Go do stuff you like where you can also meet people. For example, my parents met by chance at the public pool because they both felt like going for a swim that day.

Loser?

<scratches head>

I don't think so.

Are you in school or working? Both?

Your not a loser. I had no interest in the opposite sex till I stumbled into my 1st relationship at 20.

Since The_Face_of_Boo isn't here I'll say it. 5 bucks she'll have a boyfriend within the next two months, either here or IRL.

Thank you, I was waiting for someone to say it.

I haven't seen him in a while, last post said late Nov. it's a little sad. He was entertaining.

But, I actually agree with FofB's argument - usually those who make a thread on this website that is a cry of despair, someone will get help/attention especially if it's a female's post.

That's not meant to be offensive in anyway, but a fact as there has been some evidence of this in the past - Boo was just telling it like it is.

Besides, it's not a bad thing someone complains or asks for help and they get what they wanted so badly not long after - Boo just liked to make a joke out of it, have a laugh.

Being different from others doesn't make you a loser. Some people get started on sex and romance much later in life than most of their peers. Some people get started way too early, and wind up with less than ideal outcomes (premature parenthood springs to mind). Neither of these things make people "losers" - they're just part of the variables that define us as individuals.

A former colleague of mine got pregnant while in high school. She now has a stable relationship with the father (they still are not married) and they have three children who are healthy, loved, and happy.

I did not kiss a guy till I was 19. I did not fall in love and get into a romantic partnership until age 25. I did not meet my current partner, until age 34 (he was 27 at the time and I was his first partner).

One of my sisters has never been in a romantic or sexual relationship, or even dated. She's one year younger than I am.

Is any one of the three of us a loser? No. We are different, not dysfunctional. The only appropriate time for you to be in a relationship is when you are ready and willing to be part of one. Hang in there and good luck.

No it just means you're waiting for the right person. At times it may feel like almost everyone you see has a partner, but remember that some people go into relationships just for the sake of it.