Be careful with your words

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I thought this was a good example of how communication can go wrong. The man here thinks that he is doing the right thing by being honest. However, upon recieving the email the woman is hurt more than necessary and is left crying.

Ok, so it's good to tell the truth. We are told this from childhood, but this can seem like a social trap when upon being told the brutal truth the other person suddenly burst into tears. What did I do wrong? you may ask, filled with bewilderment.

The fact of the matter is, it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. A simple, courteous: "I had a lovely time last night, but I don't see this going anywhere. You're a great person, I wish you all the best" is ok. A long rambling email about how you are not attracted to her is not ok. There is a line.

Link to article.

I'm shocked that such pigs actually exist. I thought those where only part of fiction.

I agree with Hurtloam...absolutely!

It's not phony to be diplomatic; it's human to be diplomatic. It's even animal to be diplomatic.

If you're bluntly honest all the time, you will not survive, the species will not survive, nobody will survive.

Some sort of diplomacy is essential to life, really.

What did he do wrong?

From what I gathered from the letter, it goes something along the lines of "I don't want to date you because you look like crap".

So? That's an OK thing to say.

Good thing he ended it early, else it could have gotten messy.

IMHO, he was a pig that only could think about sex. Others will say he was not diplomatic enough, but my view is that he was a true pig. Simple as that. For somebody that doesn't think with his lower organs, there is no reason to be diplomatic in this situation, simply because I would never do such a crazy evaluation of a girl.

More like "I don't want to date you because my penis didn't get erect".

Somehow I just don't think the type of person that cares about how other people feel would write such a letter to a woman they've just gone on a date with to begin with. Also who the hell starts going on about sex after one date, unless things actually went that far?

He make it sound like she's one of those cases of someone so morbidly obese they end up falling and unable to get up in their house and heavy machinery has to be used to get them out and to a hospital because how fat they are. I don't see what this dude is talking about that he's afraid he'd be so repulsed by.....but regardless he could have just opted against taking things in an intimate direction not going on and on about how repulsive hes afraid she'll be without clothes.

It is sad he has a daughter though, if this is how he treats women he dates, I hate to think the sort of emotional abuse his daughter gets.

Just because he cares mostly about the body of a woman doesn't mean he is a pig.

I appreciate the fact that he was honest about his intentions, instead of continuing to mess around with a woman he's not into.

Which is an implication of ugliness. Penises like attractive people. So he was thinking only about sex and he was thinking that she's ugly. Both of which can be considered somewhat impolite.

The point is if he wasn't interested, he could have just said he's not interested in seeing her again...instead of going on and on about how disgusting he thinks her body must be. I do not think its the fact he ended things early that people are criticizing.

Well he should have written on his Tinder profile in big bold letters "looking for a quick shag with a hot dame" if he wanted people to know what they were getting into.

Actually, he wrote that she was pretty, but then his "equipment" failed with him (presumably because she was not slim enough).

"So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God…I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure"

"but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down."

"I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl"

Maybe you don't see it that way, but I see it as him calling her ugly. I know I'd feel ugly if someone said that to me.

What the guy said would only be tolerated by a woman who is similarly blunt in manner, and honest about her bluntness.

She might say: Let's not date because you don't turn me on, get me wet!

For people who don't mind this stuff, let them talk like that!

For most of us with a sense of decency, though, we have to find a better way to put things. Because that's truly human.