Need help understanding my husband

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My husband just informed me he wants to get a divorce...the 3rd time in 8 years...and I'm not sure what to do.

Withdraw all your money from every bank account - the joint accounts, too. Hide your jewelry and family heirlooms. Hire a lawyer. Settle for nothing less than the house, the car, the kids, and half of his salary.

And have a good cry.

...

Chances are that he already has someone waiting for him. Divorce for a man is a goal - men rarely threaten divorce as a starting point in negotiations. Do what you have to do to protect yourself, your rights, and your future.

He has told me that he thinks he has feelings for a woman he met online via an mmo that lives in another country. But this is in the wake of him being extremely overwhelmed...which I did not see until now...and he is in shutdown mode currently.

It seems many people use hyperbole during meltdowns. It might help to wait until he is completely calm and centered again and ask him about it. If he really has "met" - which could mean superficial conversation(s) - a woman in a game, you might want to talk it out or enlist the help of a therapist to help the two of you talk it out. Assuming that fits your needs and wants, of course.

"Infidelity" accounts for nearly half of all divorces when men initiate the proceedings.

(Please forgive my lack of "warmth" on this subject. My ex filed for divorce after she hooked up with her boyfriend. I hope some women can lend you their support and understanding.)

Reasons Men May Pursue a Divorce

The National Institute of Fatherhood conducted a phone survey of 1,503 male Americans aged 18 and older who had been through a divorce – the results for which were published in a 2005 report. The participants were asked to choose from a list of common reasons for divorce and provide the main reasons for divorcing their spouses. The following were found to be the top five reasons that men cited as reasons for their divorce:

Lack of Commitment: Nearly 70 percent of the divorced men cited a lack of commitment as one of the reasons for divorce. Among those surveyed, 62 percent of the ex-husbands claimed they wish their spouse had worked harder to save the marriage.

Too Much Conflict and Arguing: Arguments are often the catalyst that lands couples at the negotiating table to work out a marital dissolution agreement. Roughly 50 percent of the ex-husbands reported that conflicts and arguments were one of the main reasons for the divorce.

Infidelity: About 45 percent of the divorced men surveyed cited infidelity as a major reason for their divorce, although it was not specified which partner was unfaithful.

Unrealistic Expectations: There is no standard right or wrong when it comes to what to expect from a marriage. Still, about 45 percent of men who responded to the survey cited that they had unrealistic expectations.

Married Too Young: A little more than 40 percent of the divorced men cited marrying at too young an age as a reason for their divorce. While some marriages are not affected by youth, marrying too young may have different effects on some individuals or marriages.

Source: http://memphisdivorce.com/tennessee-div ... r-divorce/

Not your problem, E. I'm still "raw" over my parent's divorce, as well.

But this thread is about Confusedwife, not me. She needs the support that only another woman can give. All I can do is provide facts.

I am trying to wait for him to calm down and clear his head...this has happened before. The day after he told me this though his dad called from out of state to tell him he is dying any day. I have tried to be supportive the best I can but it is hard after the hurtful things he has told me. I love him with all my heart and I do not want to lose him. I am not perfect and everyone slips sometimes. I was angry the other day because we had plans to go to see Star Wars as a family (we have a six year old together and I have two older children) and last minute he did not want to go. I was hurt and said sarcastically he was such a great family man. Wrong thing to say I know but I was hurt because it is only about once a year we do something as a family! I have learned to give him space. His typical day consists of going to work and then spends at least 8 hours on the computer before going to
bed.it took me years to understand that he does this to destress and not because he doesn't love me and want to spend time with me! Of course he is not great at communicating with me and I'm obviously not good at knowing when he is at a breaking point!
He says he loves me and is continuing to make love with me(which I thought was his way of showing me he loves and cares for me). But now he can only think about his dad( one problem at a time)...but I am in immense pain also! I bought him a ticket yesterday and packed his things to take with him so he can see his dad...he will be gone for 2 weeks. He called me when he got there and it is very bad...he is also now going to be in charge of his ailing grandmothers estate which is another problem for him! I want and am willing to help him but
I am not sure how

Fnord, the statistics for NT men might have nothing to do with the reasons neurodiverse men wants to divorce, so I see no reason to present such "facts".

I have talked with him about what it does to me when he says things like this and at the time he seems to understand...I know he gets extremely overwhelmed with having a job, wife, and children and it is a lot for him to handle. I love him and I have promised that I will never leave him. He is still saying he loves me but he needs to be alone....I need to be more appreciative to him somehow so he will see that I accept him and know he has limits. I know he starts to feel like he is going to fail but he is not a failure to me!! ! Sure I get disappointed at times but I get over it and forget it...he seems to dwell on anything negative and forget the positives. Just last month he was telling me he will never leave me and loves and needs me! It doesn't help that he finds women online (chatting in mmos) to vent to and starts to feel an attachment with them...I have tried to tell him that everyone has problems and needs to vent...just because they are listening to him does not mean they will be by his side forever like I will.

Cut and run NOW.

Don't linger in a situation where someone's wanting out -- take your pride and everything else that belongs to you and LEAVE the fucka.

The amount of time, sheer bloody TIME that people waste on dead relationships should be officially considered a national crisis in most countries.

You don't need emotional support you just need to be told to get the hell out and you'll be MUCH happier. Seriously stop wasting your goddamn time on people who don't want you.

No ifs and or buts, no "but he" "but I..." FCK it. End it. It's dead.

Hi O.P.

Speaking as someone who has both NT & AS tendencies, I understand how you are feeling, and to be honest, I am just as flummoxed as you in dealing with my AS fiance. The choice we seem to have is the purity of heart of an AS partner, along with the frustrations it can and will bring, or the predicable emotional ego massaging we crave that comes as part of a package that includes the good, bad and ugly of NT life.
You obviously really care about this man, have a life and family with him, yet have a 24/7 frustration that never goes away.

Please don't feel isolated, I don't think many of us here would want to see a relationship go down the tubes, I could write so much, we understand.

What is the best thing for me to do when he comes back home from visiting his dad? He has called me several times to give updates and he tells me he misses me and loves me....so I have not turned my back on him. I have even offered to go help him because I know he has never dealt with anything like this...but I also know most people with AS want to "fix" things alone. I don't want him to think I don't believe he cant handle such a huge undertaking...but at the same time I want to support and comfort him...without pushing him further away!