Help please. I made a terrible error

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Hello, I live in Germany and am / I was with a German boy with AS.
Unfortunately I made a stupid thing, I broke his rule (do not make him jealous) using a lie and continued for four months. Until now, when I told him the truth. He left me, because he says they i m not the person he thought I was. But he writes me all the time, sometimes insulting sometimes pretending to myself (I miss you, the days are empty without you ect ect.). He told me he has to metabolized the situation. But when I try to explain why I had acted like a stupid and childish ... he runs away and does not want to know. He says he can forgive but do not force his feelings. Yesterday i asked him after his "sweet" SMS if i could have a chance. He told nothing. That i m only make everything worse. And when i asked if he doesnt want me back, leave me free to go. He told me YOU ARE FREE. So if the feelings are GONE if i heve no chances... why he always writes me ....? He will never return back? What should I do.? Help me please ! !! ! I m close to get crazy. I m not going out since weeks.

I'm guessing he hurts and is not ready to talk about it, because that bring the feelings of betrayal back to the forefront. If so, he's conflicted; he likes you, you are part of his world and yet it's broken. If you want to continue the friendship, and you can stop yourself from hurting him again, acquiesce. Talk with him but don't try to talk about the problem or fix it until he brings it up and tells you he is ready.

Thank you.
I told him i will never do it again and from now he has to be sure i will never tell a lie again.
I only hope he will be able to forgive and forget and see me again as the girl he was feeling safe and happy with.
Thank you again

Good luck to you both. I hope you are able to regain his trust.

He is probably conflicted over how he feels about you. He feels like he can't trust you after what you did. Give him his space. With time he may or may not come back to talk to you. I hope you work things out.

I'm not sure about that rule: Do not make him jealous. That's a power trip. It's a dangerous red flag. If he feels jealous, that is *his* feelings to deal with. He could talk it out with you, discuss what makes him jealous. But he needs therapy, I think. I don't think this is an AS problem. It sounds more like a controlling problem and as such - well, I can't tell you what to do but give it some thought, please. Controlling behaviour does not often work out.

So it's ok for a person to go out of their way and lie to purposely,are their partner feel jealous?

Why not apply this "it's his feelings" to everything. How dare you feel hurt when I cheated that's your feelings you can't power trip me.

She said she made him jealous using a lie, which seems to mean she wanted to make him jealous.

See some people actually enjoy making their partners jealous because it makes them feel good to be so desired and wanted.

Like people who will purposely flirt with other women/men in front of their partner to gain a response. That's just not right in my mind. Most normal people will get jealous though that's the wrong word use, as jealous means to envy what others have and what's really happening is a fear of losing what they already have.

Some people see others as their emotional play toys.

I think having a rule that says don't try to make your partner jealous is healthy. You can try to make them jealous then get upset when you get your desired reaction.

Hi, you are right that i wanted make him jealous, but this was an external pressure ( he is not loving you, he is not interest in you ect ect) so without thinking i told him i was with another guy ( without making nothing only speak) when he was in holiday away again without me.
I know that is stupid and as 14 year old but i was thinking to give the right message.... you will lose me if not show me .......
I can t go back, and he is gone.

I think the golden rule should be "No playing ridiculous games with each other". I can never understand why some people want to complicate relationships. Why can't we just have a simple partnership based on mutual admiration and compatible personalities? If there's a problem, talk about it with each other.

And when is not possible to comunicate because the two parts "speak" different languages?

Don't get me wrong, but I don't get how people, especially in our age bracket, can create such drama for themselves.

Maybe I'm missing of the context because it is not really clear what actually went on. However it seem to me that such drama could be avoided or is put on. It is something that is definitely wouldn't want anything to do with myself.

The only thing I can say about your case is there appears to be a pre-condition which for whatever reason you didn't follow. I have no idea how reasonable this condition was.

Why would anyone have to say "don't make me jealous"? Maybe it is lost in translation, but that is the sort of thing a controlling person says. You can't control someone else's emotions.

Is difficult, he has such amount of rules.
I have not to tell him where i m , with who and what i m doing. Then he is not jealous
For me work in a opposite way... if i don t know i get crazy...and thinking bad even i m sure about him ( even before me was ..... a lot and everywhere)
Anyway for him the problem is not that i was making bad stufs with another..... i told him nothing and never will happen. The problem is that he soffered ( i can yndestand).
So even that time he is not interests in me but in his feeling.
Do you think is worse told a lie and not have sex with an other guy or have a sex with an other but not tell nothing....( better would be no one of this)
I would prefer forgive a lie and be sure he is "clean"
Is only rules broking... not feelings then.
Is really hard

Yeah that sounds pretty immature. I would avoid people like this.

That is controlling behaviour.

It seems that you are polar opposites, or you seek relationship that are difficult in order to push buttons for some sort of reaction.

So i would say you are self-destructive.

However this relationship doesn't sound healthy to me.

Yes... maybe. I think i have wendy syndrom

Yes i like complicate my life, i like such drama story... maybe i m also a bit maso.

But a normal story would not give adrenaline.

I have more problems than him i guess.

Find out why you have a need to do that. Maybe consider going to a therapist.

Manufactured drama is the most pointless thing. It only makes you more unhappy.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 05 Jan 2016, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.