Extrication wrote:
It depends.
If I discovered that my significant other was secretly getting busy with another woman, that I could work with so long as she had exercised sound judgment (e.g., had sex with a trusted female friend, as opposed to a complete stranger) and was willing to extend the same courtesy if our positions were reversed. I would not feel betrayed or disregarded as a man. Rather, I would be sympathetic and understanding.
If she was having sex with another man, she would be out of my life immediately.
i don't know why there's that distinction, but yes, there is that distinction. with my ex, the thought of her with another girl didn't automatically bother me. betrayal of trust is betrayal of trust though. so, during our early long-distance stage, i told her i would be okay with it (other girls only, no guys) as long as she would talk to me about it first, and as long as the rule would apply to me as well (other girls. no guys!
). it was going to be a while before we would ever meet, so i thought i should be realistic about sexual impulses, within what i could actually be okay with
i did discuss with her a possible situation with another girl (which in the end never happened), and she said she was okay with it. but she didn't talk to me about it first when it was "her turn". i stopped talking to her immediately. it was only a minor thing though (not sex), and after reestablishing communication i made it clear that i wasn't going to put up with that kind of disingenuous rule-bending, and that the privilege of the possibility of other partners was revoked from that moment on. it was me and only me or goodbye. i wouldn't fall for that trap again. all rainbows in theory, questionable motives in reality. "sex with other people" was secondary. she just wanted to test me and my willingness to let her get away with questionable behavior of any kind
if it had been with another guy, it wouldn't even matter if it was minor or not. just over, the end, period