Anyone else hate dating?
I absolutely despise dating!
I've tried online dating. I've tried Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Asian Dating Apps, eHarmony, Match...
You see my point here? I never paid for any of these apps (which I probably should be to get better service and more dates).
I've tried meeting girls in real life at college or work. That doesn't work either. I'm sick and tired of trying.
Either I do something that comes across as very desperate or creepy and the lady gets turned off OR I have a relationship in my head of us dating and eventually marrying and spending my life with her... all at the same time not actually doing anything about it in real life. So the girl gets bored because I'm taking too long doing nothing believing that she's the one in my head. Because I am too scared to do anything about it in real life or thinking to myself "Don't rush it" and she gets bored.
I've given up countless times... only to download another dating app on my phone out of desperation and loneliness and thinking "Well if I'm not trying, then nothing will happen."
I've heard people tell me that I should just wait, I've heard other people tell me that I need to initiate conversations and form relationships with women to increase my chances.
I've only had 1 relationship in my life which I screwed up. And it was just like a platonic girlfriend relationship.
I've had other relationships with women just as friends. Nothing comes out of it.
It's like I'm desperate because of my lack of dating experience but most girls want a man with a crap ton of experience which I don't have.
So it's a lose lose situation for me.
I hate women for it. I'm not going to do crap about it. Just sit and pout and be angry towards the opposite sex.
The biggest things I wish I could tell 28 year old me are:
1)don't take online dating too seriously: few people are, even on eHarmony. Make sure the woman proves she is worthy of even dating!
2)many of these 'attractive' women are single for a VERY good reason (usually either emotionally unavailable or world travelers/workaholics) so use caution
3)you WILL be rejected for very ridiculous reasons (the only one who admitted it told me I reminded her of her ex-husband even though we sounded nothing alike)
4)If she cancels and doesn't immediately make alternate plans, move on
5)Don't take flaking personally. It will happen a lot. Most people today have no manners.
6)POF is a complete waste of time. OKCupid and other free sites are not much better: you get what you (don't) pay for
7)No need to be rude or cocky, but DO NOT be obsequious!!
RELAX. The right woman will accept you for who you are.
When I met my wife on our first date, I went in with a "she sounds friendly and polite so let's meet for an hour" attitude. Still together 2 years later
I do have a chuckle looking back at how ridiculous many women are on these sites. One average 27 year old stood out because even though she seemed decent enough, she wrote "if you want to have the privilege of (dating) me, you better step up your game!" I ran into her in real life and she only worked as a cashier at the local Home Depot! I had to bite my tongue when I met her because I wanted to say "if you want to serve me as a customer, YOU better step up your game!" She was still there on OKCupid 2 years later and rewrote her profile too many times to count. Another rudely rejected me implying I wasn't up to her standards when admitted she was almost $50,000 in debt and worked as a waitress!
My wife insists the men on dating sites are even worse despite the fact I showed her some of these women's profiles so it makes their arrogant attitudes all the more puzzling.
I hate dating. I wish a Hunny came "made-to-order" or packaged with instructions. I would be a great one for an arranged marriage. It takes too much energy trying to "learn" someone. Just give me a video of your complete self so I can study it in private and then I won't have to try to "figure" you out! I want an already-to-go Hunny!
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
I think what makes all the difference is whether or not you feel a spark with the person you're dating. Doesn't matter how you got there---meetups, OLDS, fix-up by friends or family... I even got a couple of dates from the old printed personals, back when the papers still ran them.
If you do feel a spark, then a date will feel indescribably good. If no, you'll spend every second of it waiting for it to be over. That's been my experience anyway.
See the thread on life-like bots.
If you do feel a spark, then a date will feel indescribably good. If no, you'll spend every second of it waiting for it to be over. That's been my experience anyway.
See the thread on life-like bots.
I'll have to read that thread. For some reason, I've been avoiding it. I never really was into science fiction, maybe that's why.
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
Seems like hell, that's why I don't do it. I embrace not having to answer to anyone and being able to do whatever I see fit.
_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
First piece of advice, stop trying to "date". Simply just be friendly. People who complain about the friendzone should be ignored - I am sorry, they're idiots (that is being polite)!
Just learn to ask questions and get to know them, it pays to get the girls doing the talking if you can. Just treat them nice, don't every approach a girl expecting to go with them. Just be friendly. Trust me, this is far better start to seek to date girls for relationships. When you find a girl who likes the same thing as you, who something that interests, maybe ask to join them. Also, observe how other people approach and succeed (or fail).
Big thing is, stop trying to date, and focus on been friendly and observing!
Also, patience is key! Understand many girls won't like you. That is life, but you know what? It is really not a big deal, because whilst some won't like you, eventually, you will find others who will, so long as you don't scare them away!
I hate the process of dating - it seems forced to me too.
But I also see a logical loophole in what you're saying. You're saying that you're overly focused on thinking about you and the girl together, and then you hate them for not living up to you. Understand that life isn't only about you. We're different people with different wants and needs. You can't expect things to work automatically with girls you don't even know well enough.
Be sure about yourself and your interests, know where your life is, and where it's going, and make a comfortable place for your desired girlfriend in it. Don't think about them as some kind of trophies, or achievements. Be interested in them as people, not only as girls. People like being liked for who they are, and for how you make them feel, not for being together with you. Having a relationship should never be the only goal of life, but having a good relationship can be one of many. Don't be too focused, don't stress out, know yourself, know your needs, know also what you can give, and your time will come when it will come (so will mine).
Last edited by AusWolf on 25 Jan 2017, 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,619
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
I never managed to get a date in my life. I met my two exes & my current girlfriend on forums & we never did the whole dating thing. I don't really get how dating works
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
I am dating averse, or at least so in the last three years or so. I feel like I seriously can't take anymore rejection. I ain't no Cindy Crawford, but in general terms, I'm pretty attractive.... but that only creates more opportunities for rejection as I find I am a one-date wonder (one guy even ran to his car as we were leaving the restaurant). I'm apparently just that strange to potential dates (not that I can really blame them). I feel like if one more person decides they don't want to see me again after spending an evening with me, something in my brain might short circuit and cause some kind of irreparable existential damage.
So yeah, I hate dating.
_________________
Like the crackling of thorns under the pot, so is the laughter of fools. ~ Solomon
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. ~ D.H. Lawrence
Well now... to most people this sounds very off-putting, but the way I think dating ought to be done is sort of like a job interview.
You make a list of traits you're looking for in a partner, and what traits turn you off. Either print it out or write it down, then bring it along with a pen and a clipboard when you meet your date. Then you each sit across from the table from each other, take turns asking questions from your lists, and if you both have enough desirable traits and a minimum of undesirable ones, then congratulations---you both click!
Hey, why are you making that dirty look? It makes total sense to me.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,619
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
You make a list of traits you're looking for in a partner, and what traits turn you off. Either print it out or write it down, then bring it along with a pen and a clipboard when you meet your date. Then you each sit across from the table from each other, take turns asking questions from your lists, and if you both have enough desirable traits and a minimum of undesirable ones, then congratulations---you both click!
Hey, why are you making that dirty look? It makes total sense to me.
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
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