too many texts

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I want to date, but I feel like everyone who is into me wants to contact me CONSTANTLY by text, even while I'm at work. To me this is irritating. I thought maybe this was just one person, but I tried dating 4 or 5 people in the past couple of years and all of them are like this. Is this really what it takes to be with someone these days? Am I wrong to be annoyed? Is there a way to be with someone without them invading every moment of your life?

Ask them politely not to text you.

Well I have tried this, but I find people tend to take it personally. That or they think it is a temporary request, resuming relentless texting after a few days.

I have to ask myself who is being unreasonable. If I am annoyed by being texted by someone, should I not be dating?

What to you is an acceptable level of contact? (I'm NT so can maybe help find a compromise that both sides would feel comfortable with)

There's a simple solution to this.

I will text most any time of day if I need to get an important message to someone.

I DON'T expect them to text me back. All they're doing is feeling you out to see if you're available, that's all. While at work, just don't check your texts.

I teach part-time, so you can text me all you want at 8am. It's just I have a class that time. I'll get back to you at 9.

Set aside some time specifically for answering texts. Just let people know you can't be interrupted before a certain time. You're not ignoring anyone. You're literally too busy to do anything about it.

Simple.

I only really enjoy texting or messaging in the afternoon or evening, after I am done getting my stuff of the day done. I am all into it then.

Is being in a healthy relationship inherently full of being interrupted all day by another person?



So I tried just ignoring the texts when I didn't have time to answer them (just till the evening). Today I received a text from this guy I had met saying that he was going to stop texting me, since I seemed too busy.

So no. That is not an all-purpose solution either.

If people text during work etc just leave them for the evening and when you reply add something like "Sorry I couldn't reply until now, it's just that I was at work", or if you want to get your stuff done first say it was because you were doing chores. That's a hint to the person that you're not going to respond right away unless it is in the evening, and they'll either stop texting during work hours, or at least restrict their texts and know that you won't respond until later.

It's not going to work on everyone as some guys (especially if you're meeting them via online dating) are just pushy jerks who are single as they have awful social skills and are only interested in getting you into bed. So if a guy says he is going to stop texting because you seem "too busy" that's just manipulative passive-aggressive behaviour so you probably don't want to date those guys anyway.

He's gonna stop texting you because you seem too busy? Again, simple. He's an @$$hole and not worth your time.

It is always the case for those who are really interested, but those who never initiate texting always turn out to be not interested.

Do you ever initiate communication?

If they're texting during work hours, just let them know that you'll text them back when you're off the clock, assuming you're interested in them.

That seems rather harsh. As someone who doesn't like to inconvenience people, I wouldn't send them messages if I believed they were busy.

Wow, what planet are these guys from who want to text all the time. My experience is that men don't like texting and won't do it unless it's absolutely necessary.

*coughs and starts twiddling thumbs, whistling innocently*

I don't see anything wrong with texting anybody any time you want, as long as it doesn't look like this:

Hey, 'sup.
R U gonna txt me back?
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back plz
Txt me back NOW, b¡+¢h!! !
Txt me back NOW, b¡+¢h or Ima effin blow your effin brains out!! !

Not necessarily that extreme, but you have to learn not to respond to pushy guys. Some guys will say they're losing interest to manipulate you into giving them a response.

There are two ways you can handle it. Give in, which interrupts your day. Or call their bluff. Force those guys to operate on your terms. MAKE them chase you. Let them see how THEY like it when you turn the tables. Here's a little secret: it will actually make them MORE interested in you. I'm a man with overactive sex glands. How do you think my wife tricked me into dating her?

Third option is write 'em off.

My theory is the OP is probably a very attractive-looking female and those guys are drooling for her.

Oh thanks a bunch Boo :p I'm going to take that with a grain of salt since we're pals.