Are we really worth it?

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The more I think about me and other aspies trying to date the more pointless it starts to look. As much as people want to claim aspergers isn't a disability and theres nothing wrong with us, there really is. We don't fit in with normal people and sometimes we don't even fit it with each other. Sure some of us can pass as normal people but most can't. Why do we think anyone would want to stoop so low as to date somebody like us? Everyone says there are plenty of fish in the sea and there are. 99% of those "fish" are better catches than us so why would they keep us instead of throwing us back and casting out again? They're almost guaranteed to find someone better smarter sexier and less likely to embarrass them. And even if they did decide to date us would you be able to live with yourself knowing that their lives would probably be much better if they weren't attached to us? The whole situation feels pointless bordering on cruelty.

When it comes down to it, the dynamic is strictly based on dominance and hypergamy. Everything else is superfluous and subject to societal changes. The way I look at it is, do you really want to take pride in being an ATM on legs? Judging yourself by your own standards and finding your own path in life is far more freeing.

You are absolutely worth it.

it's up to the other person to decide what they consider worth it.
How do you know how your individual attributes could enrich someone else's life?
You may not be the smartest, sexiest, most confident person in the world, but neither are 99.9% of the other people in it.

Is it a bad thing that this made me laugh?
Got to say I completely agree with you. "Too many dealbreakers, too much work."
That's how people see me, in a romantic sense, I'm sure. I can't even reply to "singles lists" topics here because I have nothing impressive to communicate. Any potential partner could definitely find someone better.
Chuck being trans on top and the whole deal is proverbially sealed.

Asperger's Syndrome is a neurological condition, not an all-encompassing identity stamp. Granted, it can make socialising a lot more difficult, and can present other challenges and require special considerations that don't exist for NTs. For SOME, this can be a deal-breaker. For others, it can be a negative that can be worked around or compensated for with other desirable qualities. For others still, it isn't that big a deal, as other qualities are more important to them. My overarching point is that everybody (whether Aspie or NT) has different values and standards regarding their relationship criteria.

Is that really the case? Or are you only focusing on the "better smarter sexier and less likely to embarrass" women?
If you really think that 99% of men are better catches then you, maybe you ought to look at what you can, and what you have the potential to offer a partner. If you don't think you can add much value to a relationship, maybe that's worth addressing before you go out looking for a relationship.

Do we really HAVE to fit in with "normal" people? Do we really need to PASS as "normal"?
Seriously?
Who cares? What other people think of me is none of my business, how I react that's my problem.
To be honest, sorry to sound harsh here, I wouldn't date you as you don't like yourself, you sound very negative.
Dating is not the meaning of life!

Also when I meet somebody I learnt that honesty is the best.
I will tell them how I am, if they can't take it that they are not what I'm looking for. And I am proud to be different.

Last edited by wanderlust77 on 09 Sep 2017, 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

There are aspies on this site who are in happy long term relationships who would disagree with you.

Some of us aren't.

I have some major shortcomings that would make it impossible for anyone to want to live with me for a long time, even if they did initially see me positively. I think that I am improving, until reality crashes me down to earth.

We are in the gene-pool, and add value via differing perspective. In my opinion we are on the rise population-wise because we have defined intelligence as IQ. Before we had IQ intelligence was measured more or less by vocabulary. Figuring things out is seems to be the "in" intelligence. No one today really cares much about vocabulary, if you can figure out a problem.

I would STRONGLY recommend that young college age Asperger guys take a few education classes, and meet some girls (this would be a little less useful for girls). Or just go hang out in the education area (if they have one). I enrolled into many education classes (not to find girls) and was quite impressed with the selection of nice and interesting young ladies (enough to notice a pattern and tell you all about it).

TEACHERS are BOSSY . . . they TELL you what they want, and how, and when. This is a strong plus early on, and perhaps less so later.

TEACHERS are PATIENT . . . they PUT UP with other peoples kids. I mean that is a crazy huge plus in our favor.

TEACHERS are DIRECT in communication . . . they tell KIDS what they expect. Teachers do not tend to hint (in any subtle way) at what they want with kids . . . we benefit from direct communication like this.

I think that special education teachers are a particularly good fit for us. I married one. Although we started dating in high school.

What do you do if your college is 99% male?

Cry out unto God . . . "Why have you forsaken me!" Bonus points if you do so during a thunderstorm, and you fall down to your knees in the mud shaking your fists at the heavens!

What school is 99% men? If you are an engineering major, then hang out with math and/or science people where there are smart girls.

Perhaps join an online dating service and favor education majors as potential dates?

Go hang out where girls are that have similar interests. Pick up an interest that you think may be cool that has girls around. Girls like some fun stuff too, so trying to find something you like where there are girls about is a bonus. Keep trying new things. Unrelated crap can depart useful information that may be useful in areas you love most. In fact reacting to random crap can be quite profitable in many ways.

Most (if not all) of the best things in my life are due to me reacting to completely random events. Some people call this luck. Go find some random events/encounters!

I am doing audio engineering, I think there's two girls total. There are no math or science people here, my school is not part of a campus.

Most if not all the male aspies in relationships managed to get good jobs with good incomes which landed them a girl.

If you don't have a special talent or can't handle a full time job or make it through college your screwed. I'm considered worthless cause I work min wage part time. I'll never have a full time job that pays $20+ and hour and afford a new car and buy a house. That's just not in my future. So I don't think the mold that is society. Pretty much everyone works towards that goal of good job, house wife/husband, kids etc the American dream. Everyone wants to be middle class or richer.

For those like me who can't or don't we are deemed worthless trash that's unsolvable and undateable. Now if your fit and physical attractive you maybe get sex or even relationships until they realize you're not climbing the corporate ladder and then they drop you to find someone "with a future" there's tons of "my boyfriend only makes _ and doesn't show ambition is it bad that I want to leave him even though I love him" threads. One even tried to get her dad to hire her boyfriend who he'd make more.

It's just how the world has always worked and while there's push to end female stereotypes there isn't any such push to end the male stereotypes and requirements.