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Should I look for someone I'm more sexually compatible with?

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ironpony
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18 Apr 2022, 7:16 pm

I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

But over the years, it's been really hard to find a woman who wants to be like this and the only two I found throughout the years that were like that, were also toxic and abusive, and not relationship material at all.

So I have come to the term that the problem is me and I need to be more accepting and flexible, rather than be so picky for such a shallow niche.

I'm in a relationship and my gf is not so into either as much. But earlier on she suggested to me that I take cannibis in order to get aroused easier, because she felt like it would help me relax and get aroused without thinking too much. And it has helped, as I can get aroused no problem with her, if I use it.

But I am wondering, is do I have a problem and it's perfectly okay to take a medicinal remedy for it, so to speak, and that's fine... Or am I ignoring the problem by doing this and looking for just a temporary solution? What do you think?

Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!



Pepe
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18 Apr 2022, 7:52 pm

Quote:
Should I look for someone I'm more sexually compatible with?

:chin:
Yes. 8)



Pepe
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18 Apr 2022, 7:56 pm

ironpony wrote:
I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

But over the years, it's been really hard to find a woman who wants to be like this and the only two I found throughout the years that were like that, were also toxic and abusive, and not relationship material at all.

So I have come to the term that the problem is me and I need to be more accepting and flexible, rather than be so picky for such a shallow niche.

I'm in a relationship and my gf is not so into either as much. But earlier on she suggested to me that I take cannibis in order to get aroused easier, because she felt like it would help me relax and get aroused without thinking too much. And it has helped, as I can get aroused no problem with her, if I use it.

But I am wondering, is do I have a problem and it's perfectly okay to take a medicinal remedy for it, so to speak, and that's fine... Or am I ignoring the problem by doing this and looking for just a temporary solution? What do you think?

Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!


I was under the impression weed *reduces* arousal. 8O
I have no experience here, since I have never taken it.
I have heard people say that weed just mellows them out and they simply want to "chill". ;)



ironpony
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18 Apr 2022, 7:59 pm

Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

But over the years, it's been really hard to find a woman who wants to be like this and the only two I found throughout the years that were like that, were also toxic and abusive, and not relationship material at all.

So I have come to the term that the problem is me and I need to be more accepting and flexible, rather than be so picky for such a shallow niche.

I'm in a relationship and my gf is not so into either as much. But earlier on she suggested to me that I take cannibis in order to get aroused easier, because she felt like it would help me relax and get aroused without thinking too much. And it has helped, as I can get aroused no problem with her, if I use it.

But I am wondering, is do I have a problem and it's perfectly okay to take a medicinal remedy for it, so to speak, and that's fine... Or am I ignoring the problem by doing this and looking for just a temporary solution? What do you think?

Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!


I was under the impression weed *reduces* arousal. 8O
I have no experience here, since I have never taken it.
I have heard people say that weed just mellows them out and they simply want to "chill". ;)


I see what you mean but perhaps my gf was onto something as her idea was that weed would make me want to have 'chill sex', or 'mellow sex', and she was right it seems. So I guess weed increased libido, as long as it's chill libido?



Pepe
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18 Apr 2022, 8:28 pm

ironpony wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

But over the years, it's been really hard to find a woman who wants to be like this and the only two I found throughout the years that were like that, were also toxic and abusive, and not relationship material at all.

So I have come to the term that the problem is me and I need to be more accepting and flexible, rather than be so picky for such a shallow niche.

I'm in a relationship and my gf is not so into either as much. But earlier on she suggested to me that I take cannibis in order to get aroused easier, because she felt like it would help me relax and get aroused without thinking too much. And it has helped, as I can get aroused no problem with her, if I use it.

But I am wondering, is do I have a problem and it's perfectly okay to take a medicinal remedy for it, so to speak, and that's fine... Or am I ignoring the problem by doing this and looking for just a temporary solution? What do you think?

Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!


I was under the impression weed *reduces* arousal. 8O
I have no experience here, since I have never taken it.
I have heard people say that weed just mellows them out and they simply want to "chill". ;)


I see what you mean but perhaps my gf was onto something as her idea was that weed would make me want to have 'chill sex', or 'mellow sex', and she was right it seems. So I guess weed increased libido, as long as it's chill libido?



It seems to be a "mixed bag".
You are one of the lucky ones, you lucky dawg. :mrgreen:

Quote:
Conclusion: Many participants in our study found that cannabis helped them relax, heightened their sensitivity to touch, and increased intensity of feelings, thus enhancing their sexual experience, while others found that cannabis interfered by making them sleepy and less focused or had no effect on their sexual experience. Wiebe E, Just A. How Cannabis Alters Sexual Experience: A Survey of Men and Women. J Sex Med 2019; 16:1758-1762.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31447385/



Sweetleaf
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18 Apr 2022, 9:15 pm

Nothing wrong with using cannanbis to enhance sex if it helps you.

That said is she like totally turned off by taking a more dominant role in the bedroom, or is it something she could indulge with you sometimes? Even if the weed helps more mellow sex work better for you, it probably won't prevent you having the desires you do entirely.


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ironpony
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18 Apr 2022, 9:42 pm

She's definitely says she enjoys doing some of it, but not everything that arouses me. She is willing to meet me about halfway, so should I meet her halfway with the cannabis then and that's totally fair?



Mona Pereth
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18 Apr 2022, 9:51 pm

ironpony wrote:
I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

Have you looked via the organized kink subculture, or mostly via more mainstream means?


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ironpony
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18 Apr 2022, 9:55 pm

I kind of have in the past, but again, it was women who were not relationship material, as they seemed kind of misandristic or if they weren't they were only interested in either casual or polyamorous relationships. I couldn't find one who wanted a relationship that was monogamous.



Sweetleaf
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19 Apr 2022, 6:16 pm

ironpony wrote:
She's definitely says she enjoys doing some of it, but not everything that arouses me. She is willing to meet me about halfway, so should I meet her halfway with the cannabis then and that's totally fair?


I mean that sounds reasonable to me.


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Pepe
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19 Apr 2022, 7:51 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
ironpony wrote:
She's definitely says she enjoys doing some of it, but not everything that arouses me. She is willing to meet me about halfway, so should I meet her halfway with the cannabis then and that's totally fair?


I mean that sounds reasonable to me.


I'll take first "dibs" if he decides to break off the relationship. :mrgreen:



kraftiekortie
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20 Apr 2022, 10:40 am

I had a fiancee that was into me spanking her and all that.

I didn't particularly like this. I'm purely a "vanilla" sort of guy.

I'm lucky almost all my girlfriends since my fiancee weren't into being dominatrixes, or being submissive, or roleplaying.



HighLlama
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21 Apr 2022, 5:43 am

ironpony wrote:
I have often had trouble getting sexually aroused by women because I am normally only sexually aroused by women who are I guess you could say, dominatrix like in bed.

But over the years, it's been really hard to find a woman who wants to be like this and the only two I found throughout the years that were like that, were also toxic and abusive, and not relationship material at all.

So I have come to the term that the problem is me and I need to be more accepting and flexible, rather than be so picky for such a shallow niche.

I'm in a relationship and my gf is not so into either as much. But earlier on she suggested to me that I take cannibis in order to get aroused easier, because she felt like it would help me relax and get aroused without thinking too much. And it has helped, as I can get aroused no problem with her, if I use it.

But I am wondering, is do I have a problem and it's perfectly okay to take a medicinal remedy for it, so to speak, and that's fine... Or am I ignoring the problem by doing this and looking for just a temporary solution? What do you think?

Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!


How happy are you, and how realistic are your standards for happiness? Answering that will tell you what to do.



rse92
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21 Apr 2022, 11:36 am

Did you ever think that the reasons why she, as a 21 year old girl, is into you, as a 37 year old man, are the same reasons she's not into being dominant in bed with you?



Mona Pereth
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22 Apr 2022, 12:58 pm

rse92 wrote:
Did you ever think that the reasons why she, as a 21 year old girl, is into you, as a 37 year old man, are the same reasons she's not into being dominant in bed with you?

Actually, people in the kink world, whether dominant or submissive, tend to be less hung up on age than people in the vanilla world.

When I was in my mid-twenties and very active in the kink world, as a dominant, most of my partners were older, simply because the vast majority of people in the scene happened to be older.


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ironpony
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22 Apr 2022, 1:55 pm

Oh well women my own age are just as submissive in my experience do I didn't think age made a difference.