Coping after end of long distance relationship

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Six months ago, I came across someone incredibly wonderful on Instagram. She followed me due to us having a mutual follower and thinking I seemed cool as I had a photo of a PS1 game on my profile (although I didn’t know this was the reason until we spoke about it after we'd been talking for a couple of months) and I followed back as I thought she was cool as well but didn’t think much of it beyond that moment other than being relieved I was followed by an account that wasn’t a bot. A few days later, I saw on her story that she had been to see a band in her hometown that I was due to see that night, so replied to her story telling her this. We started talking and instantly hit it off, realising that we had a lot in common.

After we'd been talking for a couple of weeks, I realised I had strong feelings for her. Then after a month of talking, we both confessed our feelings for each other. Following a couple of months of 5-6 hour video calls, I went to visit her in January where we became a couple after seeing that things were just as great in person.

Then on Sunday, after spending a lovely five days together, that all came to a rather abrupt end. We had an incredibly tearful phone call where she explained that the long distance caused things to get more intense and passionate than she was anticipating, and because she was still working through baggage from her emotionally abusive ex of 9 years (who she broke up with six months or so before we met) she didn’t feel ready for that. She made it very clear that her reason for ending things was nothing to do with me and that I don’t need to change anything about myself, saying that it was impossible for her not to fall in love with me because I’m so amazing and that breaking things off with me was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do, and she will always cherish the time we shared together and enjoyed every moment.

As much as it hurt me, I accepted her decision as it’s all I could really do. We have both said that we'll try being friends once we're ready, but we'd need to start from scratch and the ball is in my court so I will be the one to message once I’m ready to be friends with her. However, the friendship needs to be without the false promise of resuming our relationship hanging over it.

This is a really bittersweet situation. I’m really glad I gave things a go, and this was easily the best relationship I’ve ever had. I love her in such a pure, honest, and unconditional way and she made me feel incredibly loved, appreciated, and special. I felt an incredible sense of ease and comfort with her which I’ve never had with anyone else. However, I’m also sad that this had to end. She was everything I want from a partner - we got along really well and had loads in common, she was accepting/understanding of the difficulties I have due to my autism (her sister is autistic too so she already kind of got it), we had similar ethics and values to myself, and she respected my lifestyle choices of being vegetarian and not drinking (the latter being something she also partook in). She was my best friend as well as my partner, and we both got along well with each other's families. I seriously felt like we could have a future together which is not something I’ve felt towards anyone before.

I hold no ill will towards her for her decision - this guy was awful to her and she really didn’t deserve it, and considering how long they were together it’s not something you get over quickly. I want her to be happy, and I’m happy to have her in my life even if it’s only as friends. I just feel like I met the right person at the wrong time, and I'm worried that, once I am ready to date again, I’ll be unable to find someone who makes me feel this way. I also don’t want to go back to the endless dating app conversations that go nowhere.

How can I let this go?

It's very hard to end relationships whether they're online or not.

You don't have to "let it go" in terms of forgetting her completely.
It's OK to grieve for a lost relationship.
I read somewhere it takes about half the length of a healthy relationship, to "get over" it.
That doesn't mean it won't hurt at the halfway point, but that you'll have more coping skills.

Let your partner know you love her and you support what she needs.
If she doesn't want periodic contact, let her know you'd be open to talking if she changes her mind.

I'm dealing with something similar.
Prepare yourself for good days and bad, or even good hours and bad.
Make sure you don't neglect self-care like eating, sleeping, and your personal responsibilities.

In the meantime there are lots of books, YT videos, and TedX on the topic.
I hope they can help.
Journalling or writing about your feelings might help too.

Hang in there and best wishes.

If you consider it having dodged a bullet, it will be a lot easier.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Every word you write sounds like the sweetest love story.
I hope you can grieve as you are able.
Noone can see the future, it may include her and it may not, but the big take away here is that you were in love and you were loved. That's a wonderful treasure in and of itself.

I'm sorry to hear all that, for her sake as well as yours.

It's a shame you can't remain friends but I know it's hard to do that.
That's what we're trying to sort out too, after 3.5 years.

How old is this woman and how far away does she live in terms of travel time?

You should stay in touch with her and perhaps propose in-person visits (eventually) as you don't know how she'll feel in a few months. I mean you're assuming a decision to be a couple is ephemeral on her part whereas a decision to break up is chiseled in granite. Not necessarily true.

Is there any reason you wouldn’t or couldn’t start seeing other women?

Right now? It wouldn’t be right for me. I need to move on properly before I’m ready to date again, and I don’t want to risk hurting anyone.

Maybe once I’m ready, I’ll be more open to seeing other people, but I want it to happen naturally and don’t want to go back to dating apps as they didn’t work for me.

Who will you be hurting?