Getting my brother to accept reality

Post Reply New Topic

My brother cannot accept that I am looking for my soulmate and want to get married!

He is afraid that if I leave home he would be all alone since my dad is dead and my mom is in a permanent rest home because of her dementia

But unfortunately he is just getting in the way of me achieving my goals!

I'm just done with all of this and want to be TRULY independant and have total freedom

Untethering from my brother is the final step

I am getting there but I need one last push to get me moving in the correct direction and the therapist will help me with that on June 12 then in August I can finally start Day Program which is where my real soulmate and friends are going to be!

How can I get my brother to accept reality and accept that this is what I want?

Thanks in advance!

The root of his not accepting things most likely lies within his own personal issues and there's not a whole lot you can do about his personal issues.

That fear of being alone is a powerful thing.
And he needs to figure out how he will take care of himself in that fear.

Being his insulation from his fear is not your job in life.
(as you already know)
(now he needs to understand that and accept that)

You are you - your life is yours, with your own set of hopes and dreams and fears and worries.

He is him, his set of hopes and dreams and fears and worries is his problem to find a way within himself to face and live through them.

He's going to have to see that and accept that.

He can see for himself or he can be shown by people, but whether he chooses to accept is totally in his own power.

Wow, is your brother really that clingy? Why not have him go live with another relative or close friend or something like that?

Yes and that is the issue!

He has become too over-reliant and over-dependant on me because I am the only one left

My mom is in a permanent rest home due to dementia and my dad is dead which caused him to latch on to me

I have been thinking he could possibly go live near my mom's rest home 45 minutes away from her rest home and Cathy agrees but that might take awhile to set up

Unfortunately it will take a little while to reach my goals because if Jerry and I really did break up I would have to start dating someone in Day Program for 6 months or even an entire year before marriage can be considered!

Nice to see you back BTW Danny!

Is he sabotaging your relationships?  Is he chasing off your suitors?  Does he express any kind of proprietary relationship with you?

Live your own life.

It is hard to describe or explain exactly what he is doing but he doesn't want me to leave home

It's not just the possibility of me finding love and getting married that is causing him to act like this but the fact of the matter is he doesn't want me to leave home PERIOD

Regardless if I leave home due to marriage or independance

My brother has Autism too BTW if that means anything

Somebody on Facebook asked me the question:

What is keeping you from getting married right now?

The answer is...my brother!

Not even the autism is an issue at this point because it is VERY possible I will meet a man in Day Program

So my brother is the main obstacle to achieving my goals!

When I see the therapist June 12th I am going to ask them what to do about him before I start moving forward

Ooh, you have a Facebook account?

Why don't you just tell your bro you have your own life to look forward to?

Yeah I am on Facebook

It's not that simple though

I have TRIED to tell him but he won't listen!

The therapist will help me with this

TBH, i think I need a therapist, myself.

Sheesh, your bro is like my grandfather, eh? Very clingy and needy.

You don't need to get your brother to accept reality. You DO however need to stop using him as an excuse for not living your own life. Unless he has kept you chained to a wall, he hasn't stopped you from getting married or anything else you haven't yet done - only you have done that.

Yeah a therapist might help you find your soulmate too!

Yes he is clingy and needy

He can't survive without my mom

I am afraid of leaving him to fend for himself and feel guilty that I want to untether from him!

Marriage and a job will most likely happen in Day Program

I can't do anything else until I see the therapist and go to the doctor for a TB shot so right now I'm at a temporary standstill with my goals

Things will start moving forward in my life immediately after I see the therapist and begin Day Program!

No, that's not the kind of therapist I want to see.

Oh okay

Therapists aren't just for love advice

The one I will be seeing is a regular therapist who will help me with love and many other things too like coping with my mom being in a permanent rest home environment and coping with my dad's death

If you finding a special someone in the Day Program doesn't work out for you, then can I ask you this?

How do you feel about finding someone via long-distance?