Is it "your fault" if you're 30+ and haven't found the One?

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chris1989
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01 Aug 2024, 3:37 pm

I came across a video done by Dr Drew where he had a lady on called Tracey McMillan on who wrote a book called "Why You're Not Married...Yet?" and explained that for women, if they are 30 and still haven't found "Mr Right" it's not it's their fault it's "your fault" because in her words in the book, you are maybe "crazy", "selfish" etc. She did however say that "I'm not actually saying it's your fault, I'm saying it's your responsibility."

It does surprise and even kind of annoy me when there are some people out there who have even brutally honest opinions when it comes to certain types of issues and say things about other people they don't know who maybe do struggle through perhaps no fault of their own to find the person for them in their lives.



funeralxempire
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01 Aug 2024, 6:49 pm

The pseudo-expert gets eyeballs by having other pseudo-experts on to say controversial s**t.

It's basically clickbait, you can ignore it.


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CockneyRebel
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01 Aug 2024, 11:21 pm

I don't see how that could be. That's just an urban legend that's made up by allistic people.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Aug 2024, 2:57 am

I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.



Tim_Tex
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02 Aug 2024, 3:05 am

No


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crisv
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02 Aug 2024, 9:45 am

Being married and having found The One are not the same thing.
I’m married to the wrong one, that is much worse than being alone. Finding the right person is hard. Often, you don’t find them in your whole life. Don’t feel pressured by social norms that have been set centuries ago by ND people.



ChicagoLiz
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02 Aug 2024, 11:11 am

I would say that your perception that they're sounding off without any actual knowledge is spot-on. Dr Drew has made a lot of money doing that, and probably this Tracey McMillan as well. Marry if and when you find the right person for you, and they feel the same about you.


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rse92
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02 Aug 2024, 12:18 pm

How is it not your fault?

If you are a man, any number of these things can be an issue:

You are unattractive, physically, to women.

You have an unattractive personality.

You are incapable of communicating intimately with women.

You cannot maintain a relationship with woman.

You expect women to read your mind and understand your desire for them.

You make no attempt to socialize among women.

You do not try to improve yourself.



nick007
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02 Aug 2024, 12:54 pm

I think it's your fault if your holding out for the exact right person & rejecting others for not being the one. The idea of a sole one is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect person & all romantic relationships require some effort. Rejecting or dumping others who treat you nice because they don't finish your sentences or don't make you feel butterflies is stupid.

It may not be your fault if you have reasonable standards & criteria but have a hard time meeting others or others aren't interested in you.


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Last edited by nick007 on 02 Aug 2024, 1:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Pink Zeppelin
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02 Aug 2024, 1:10 pm

How can you even define "The One"?



Carbonhalo
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02 Aug 2024, 4:14 pm

Of course it's your fault.

It is the result of either insufficient prayers and sacrifices to Eros, or insufficient money paid to dating sites.

For $50 I can improve your match rate :D



chris1989
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02 Aug 2024, 6:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.


Why's that ?



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02 Aug 2024, 8:33 pm

If you pot in the work, you get the results.


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Graves Knight
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02 Aug 2024, 9:21 pm

rse92 wrote:
How is it not your fault?

If you are a man, any number of these things can be an issue:

You are unattractive, physically, to women.

You have an unattractive personality.

You are incapable of communicating intimately with women.

You cannot maintain a relationship with woman.

You expect women to read your mind and understand your desire for them.

You make no attempt to socialize among women.

You do not try to improve yourself.



I agree with this. Some of theses things listed are beyond our control, some of these things are. Maximizing everything you can is the first step. Once you've done all you could, waiting for acceptance from a suitable woman is obviously the difficult part. If you can achieve this, it's something to treasure and is worth more than gold.


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Graves Knight
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02 Aug 2024, 9:35 pm

Pink Zeppelin wrote:
How can you even define "The One"?


I don't think there's such a thing. I personally think that love is built; not found. The finding part is someone willing to build with you and stay by your side. Most people (not everyone) will immediately envision themselves with whoever based on looks first. That's just human nature unfortunately. However personality and sharing the same values is the base of the relationship foundation.


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Last edited by Graves Knight on 03 Aug 2024, 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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02 Aug 2024, 9:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
I think it's your fault if your holding out for the exact right person & rejecting others for not being the one. The idea of a sole one is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect person & all romantic relationships require some effort. Rejecting or dumping others who treat you nice because they don't finish your sentences or don't make you feel butterflies is stupid.

It may not be your fault if you have reasonable standards & criteria but have a hard time meeting others or others aren't interested in you.


Nothing but facts here.


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