Breaking rules

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Nowadays there seem to be a great many rules against dating in certain situations. In my life, I broke some of those rules. Here are examples:

Dating a coworker.
Dating somebody with a mental illness.
Staying with a partner despite evidence of cheating.

Have you ever broken any of these? Why or why not?

I'm not much of a rule breaker but I would consider all three of the ones you posted, though I haven't had occasion.

Twice I dated men who were technically still married but they were separated so I don't think it was a rule break.

I dated my first boyfriend without a chaperone when I was still a believer. Shocking, I know.

At this point, I don’t really understand why people care about rules unless they’re good ones. I’ve also dated people who were still technically married but had been separated for a while.

My last girlfriend was genuinely insane. She had BPD, autism and a bunch of other problems. She was out of control.

I have been single a few years now and happy with my situation, versus being in a toxic relationship.

I've dated a coworker. I've dated several women wirh verifiable mental illnesses. I've also dated straight-arrow NTs. I wouldn't choose to do any of those things again.

Personally speaking, I would date people with mental illnesses (I have PTSD myself) but not someone who used their issues as an excuse to be abusive or as a means to excuse being so. I say that because my ex used to do those things although, as time went on, it became quite clear that it was more of a calculated thing to control me than about being out of control himself. It sucks because people who do that stuff further the stigma associated with mental health conditions.

Oops. That was a bit off-topic.

Wait, dating somebody with a mental illness is against the "rules" of dating? I obviously missed that memo. Why is it against the rules?

I've defo broke the rules

I don't even know what the rules are to be honest

I think MaxE is pretty old and from an age less forgiving of mental illness. So mental illness is a sort of thing people would avoid, if it were obvious.

That said, there are different levels of mental illness, even for the same disorders. Some people are functional and others are well, 'barking' (mad).

No... Most of my jobs have been fairly solitary. At the jobs that weren't I would have in a heartbeat, but nobody was interested.

Yup....There was "Psycho B!tch", "Weird Girl" and "Creepy Flatmate"
*names changed to protect the merely mentally ill.
Does my partner being ADHD count?

Yes...in both directions.

We had a saying in OpFor... "Doctrine is for puss!es"

There's a very crude saying about this that I sometimes encounter on Reddit, so I really doubt it's an old person thing.

I'm sorry, I still don't understand why. Is it for safety reasons?

The other two rules to avoid are choices. Somebody who is a coworker can choose to find a new job if they really like you and follow that rule. Cheating is obviously a choice. Mental illness isn't a choice.

Also, do we (autistic people) count as people that should be avoided?

To a degree, yes we are. I personally think it goes back to our overall verbal and nonverbal communication style. For some, being different that way is bad and they just aren’t interested in dating someone with those differences. It’s an indirect ableism but it’s not something that they do on purpose.

Well luckily I have never broken any of these rules……………cause I’ve never been in a relationship.

I think it is more so the perception of mentally ill folk being stigmatized from the older generation(s).

For example, my great aunt who had bipolar type I (now deceased), had people describe her as having "bad nerves" as the average person didn't really have an understanding of mental illness that people today do, so they wouldn't have really understood what bipolar disorder was, back then. Her partner who ended up with her, said she was a lot to deal with and recently said to my Mum, who he is still in contact with, that he would never have gotten together with my great aunt if he'd had known how 'bad' or how mentally ill my great aunt was.

I guess a lot of people without significant mental health difficulties find those with diagnosed mental health disorders to be difficult, or 'too much trouble', hence why some people used to avoid mentally ill folk in terms of dating (and people still do discriminate that way, even today, despite an increased awareness of mental health and its different forms).



You are correct, mental illness isn't a choice. That doesn't stop people from discriminating against mentally ill people though, or excluding them from being potential dates.



I think that there are definitely a lot of NTs who would avoid dating autistic people.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 29 Oct 2024, 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Shoot back in the early 1800’s-1900’s, they were rounding up mentally disabled people and putting them in asylums. They would then perform experiments on them with the hopes of curing them from their illness. Of course they never did and some had an early death. A lot of these places are haunted today (for anybody who believes in that)