How many of you are adults and have never had a girlfriend?

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Back in the day, I was not a bad looking guy. I actually received attention from girls. It's too bad that I never had the subtlety to know how to take their interest a few steps further. Girls approached me (THEY approached me), talked to me, and 30 seconds later, it was like magic: they were gone, they vanished. More than one time I overheard those same girls tell their girlfriends not to bother talking to me because I was an idiot/was gay.

So many wasted opportunities.

The tragedy here is not that I am an ugly guy in his mid twenties who has never been on a date; the tragedy here is that even if I were a good looking guy, I still wouldn't know how to escalate things if a woman approached me. Maybe it's better that way; at least that way I spare myself the embarrassment and the humiliation of being judged and then rejected.

I know how you feel. There are books on kinesics (body language) which could help.

I wasn't sure what you meant by adult, but yeah, mid-twenties and I'm in the same boat. I've been on a couple dates, but nothing more than that.

But yeah, I know what you mean about not knowing how to escalate things. I realized that all my high school friends had approached me first, and I noticed I've never really been able to kick it up past acquaintance (male nor female).

How about girl Aspies who haven't had a boyfriend. That's me!

Sorry, I don't qualify. I've been in two relationships.

Tim

I've had four serious relationships and dated three other guys. Needless to say, they have gone over about as well as my jobs have or my friendships. However, unlike work and social life, I'm not willing to pack up my bags and give up on love. I worry about becoming a spinster, which probably stems from being a product of a traditional Catholic family, and I definetly desire sex and companionship that isn't obsessive or overwhelming. *shrug*

I'm about to put another add on an internet personal site. I don't seem to do very well meeting guys out and about, sometimes because I just don't know what to do. Or someone flirts with me and I flirt back so they think I'm easy and well, that's not true. It's just....a clusterf**k sometimes. But I refuse to give up on the concept of finding love.

A social life or working with the public, however.....

I can handle having three people in my "circle of trust" and I think that's about all of the seats available in the circle. Not counting the possibilty of kids, of course.

sorry. don't qualify. been dating since high school...

Same here. I was actually "popular" in my own way in high school, meaning that I was so good at entertaining people with parody songs and voice impressions that I actually had, well, groupies (is that how you spell that?), like some minor celebrity. Roughly the same group of girls would give me their undivided attention on a regular basis. And no, I don't think they were being sarcastic. But I was just such a blockhead that even on the rare occasions one of THEM made some move to goad me into taking things to the next step (the acting mother hen - I don't mean that to be offensive but if so, please give me a better term - sort of tried to set me up with one of the shyer girls at least twice) I just stood there like a caveman in the cockpit of an F-22. Dating and having a relationship just feels so much like something I'd need to be taught like a school subject that I'm still suspicious that some sort of class was held on a day I was absent in seventh grade. I don't feel natural going out and "doing" things on my own, therefore I have no realistic idea what would be appropriate to do on a date with someone else.

I can think of at least five seperate opportunities throughout college that I really kick myself for just panicking and leaving. One of these involved the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life clearly inviting me to just start something with her in a study room. I was oblivious because I just assumed she must have been perpetually involved with someone else, ignoring the fact that she looked bored and lonely all that semester, she did talk to me regularly, and since she was 6'0", I was about the only guy on our floor who wasn't shorter than her.

Geez, better wrap this up before it becomes my most unreadable post ever. The compounded tragedy for me is that even though my looks haven't gone too far downhill in the 6 years since graduating college, even if I magically acquired every conceivable social skill from every culture on earth, I'd still have to decline any opportunity. Y'see, shortly after I graduated I retroactively saw these wasted opportunities for the first time and got so frustrated that I took a dumbell and made a halfhearted attempt at manually neutralizing my sex drive and...um...
Guys, even if you feel like a machine trapped in a body with a sex drive you'll never be able to act on due to God's sick sense of humor, don't try it! Even if you have it done professionally, it won't really work the way you want. Now I directly associate any thoughts of actually having a girlfriend, or even casual sex, with suicide, because it ain't happenin' in this lifetime.

Yes, I know there's no proof of reincarnation.
But it's possible.
Therefore, for me personally, those are my best odds.

A do-over on this particular lifetime wouldn't hurt either. Sure I'd just f*%# it up all over again, but I gotta' have hope.

Last edited by Dunwich on 08 Oct 2007, 1:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Im 25 and have never dated.

never had a girlfriend
been on a few dates, but never past the first date with any of them.
My last date lasted 10 minutes.

22 yrs old

Never dated
No sexual expericence

But god I want to date and have a sexual experience. But I just don't have the skills. I feel like a deaf man at the opera. I am decent looking, but I can't communicate. After a rare occasion when a woman talks to me, she walks away thinking I am ret*d. Actually, I think Aspergers is social retardation. My childhood was miserable.

D

Nicely said, I feel exactly the same. I put efforts on looking good, I put efforts on being kind and understanding, I put efforts on making myself interesting, I put efforts on trying to behave correctly, but all these efforts are wiped out by my social retardation. My social retardation also caused me to have social-phobia and a very poor self-esteem in social situations, which doesnt help at all.

I made it to a couple of weeks short of my 28th birthday before finally finding a g/f. My social life in recent years hadn't brought me in contact with many single women, making life harder still. I'm not sure what I did different, but I certainly have more confidence in the whole area than previously.

me too..my niavete and cuteness had older members of the oposite sex taking interest in me when I was very (very) young...the first boy i kissed was a few years older than me and I was so oblivious to boundaries and whatnot that within a couple days of my first kiss, I had gone rather far....A few months later I wound up in a relationship with a guy several years oldeR than me that lasted for several years..and since then it has been one relationship after another..It is going to be very akward once i reach the point where no one wants to be in a relationship with me any longer, because I am so used to it...I doubt I will ever marry though...not the marrying kind...and can't have kids.

I've been in only a couple of relationships...and that's only because the females were very socially aggresive....no help on my part...even now i'm oblivious to when someone is hitting on me...even flirting...i neve take it seriously...which has actually been my downfall a few times..."social retardation"...hmm that sounds about right....

I am an aspie that has never had a boyfriend and I am 22.
I used to get boys in school coming up to me and saying "so and so likes you" as a joke which is annoying.