Why do men say...

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-Why do men say they like intelligent women? Especially when they want to get married? I never understand it. As I see it women exist to fill specific roles. People get married for love,sex,companionship, someone to wash the floor or pay the bills. Now in modern society, it is very clear that any role can be done by either party, or by hiring a service. You want a maid? Pay one. You want sex? Buy a hooker. You want companionship? Play an online game, or join the chess club. However it is obvious from the tone of most people that they are looking for a soul-mate, or something...
-So why do so many people consider intelligence an attractive quality in a woman? I never do. I mean if a women is stupid I don't think it is sexy, in fact it can be obnoxious. But I think excessive intelligence is not a good thing for an aspie male. I think a low stress, mothering/nurse type is what most of us men would prefer. I've had a few girlfriends and I never found their intelligence to matter as much as their apearence and attitude. A lot of people say this means I am shallow, for not caring about this trait, but I don't know why.
-In fact I think an intelligent woman makes a terrible girlfriend for an aspie guy, because if she is NT she will have think about every detail of your behavior and decide you are weird or something. If your girlfriend is not super bright, then she will be much easier to make happy be doing easy normal girly stuff to. A girl who likes and expects flowers, chocolate, and romantic dinners is much easier to figure out and make happy. A girl who wants a certain kind of science fiction is too abnormal to predict.

Why would you want to be with someone you can predict? That's exactly like being alone, except noisier.

Guys like girls with whom they can have either fun or thought-provoking chats about topics they wouldn't normally be interested in.
In fact, I would go as far as to say that the one positive thing that I've heard every guy I've known who's been in a relationship say about his ex is that she got him interested in a new genre, style, or subject that he had previously ignored.

You just answered your own question. You want a Stepford Wife. I want an equal.

Depends on the guy. Basically, you want someone whose 'intelligence' is about equal to yours. I know a few relationships that have failed because of this mismatch, it makes sense because if you're communicating on a daily basis from everything to financial and business affairs, to personal conversations, you want to understand each other. So really, intelligence is just a way of saying you like how someone thinks.
Any man who says he likes 'intelligent' women is a bit insecure, imo. As in, he clearly feels that there are a lot of stupid women, who he feels the need to look down on.

Nietzsche said, "When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this woman into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory, but the most time during the association belongs to conversation."

Seems to me the smarter an NT is, the better chance you have of them realizing it's okay for you to be different.

Your garden-variety dumbass isn't going to make it very far past "Ooooh! You're WEIRD!"

And don't think a stupid NT isn't going to notice you're different. NT's don't make those calculations with their intellects.

Also, I note you're not including the possibility of an intelligent aspie girlfriend in your musings. Are you just leaving us out because you figure we're hunted nearly to extinction as it is?



Lucky you're not dating me, because I'm both.

Make mine Philip K. Dick, please.

Well, you'd want her smart enough to know you didn't mean that stupid thing you just did, right?

Smart enough to know when your hungry, when you need a backrub, when you need to be left alone to roam with the boys. Smart enough to occupy herself. Smart enough to be happy with little and not stupid enough to leave you.

I think what you really want is a smart self entertaining 'quiet in the mouth' woman.



Or...should she be stupid and put your private affairs in danger?

Which, of course, there are. There are a lot of stupid men, too.

That's why people mention relative intelligence when discussing preferences.

I don't think it's that simple. No matter how intelligent a woman is, none of it matters in romance if you don't like the personality. If I could have an intelligent conversation with a woman, I would enjoy that conversation and it would help. But sometimes intelligence can be annoying, like if a person is too much of an over achiever, or if they're arrogant.
I think it is based more on personality than anything else.

Of course personality's important.

I wouldn't last long with a brilliant jerk. But I also wouldn't last long with a really nice guy who couldn't keep up with me in conversation.

I'm hard-wired to find airheads unattractive.

If I'm romantically interested in someone, then I find having intelligent conversations with them sorta romantic. Heh.

Sheesh, I know. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life interacting with an intelligent human being you genuinely care about when you could just have a slave? She'll clean house and do all the dirty work, and she'll let you have sex with her whenever you want, and you'll never have to suffer her to think or express herself. Now that's living!

QFT, even a very stupid NT will usually detect a 'weird' or 'bad' vibe (and may well conclude you're a stalker-serial killer-cannibal without questioning the stereotypes involved). As another poster said, if you're looking for a sex partner and live-in maid rolled in one, then yes, no reason to worry about intellect, or about anything other than looks, sexual skills and home-making skills. If you're looking for a partner, then personality traits, including but not limited to intelligence, are surely the most important things (unlike looks, there is a chance they will last). A girl that only wanted chocolate, flowers and romantic dinners would be very boring.

Ewwwww. I would never want a slave. I like it when a woman has a strong will, and ordering someone around like they're some sub-human just sounds wrong. I could never love someone so completely submissive that they didn't stand up for themselves.

Sure, but it's a scary sight when strong-willed idiots stand up for themselves.

I always tried to coax my ex into having a more active role in the relationship. While I'm intimidated by presumably smarter people; it's easy for me to get frustrated or bored if I don't feel stimulated.
Also, as it's been said - and - in my experience, stupidity goes hand in hand with prejudices and the like.