Difference between being a nice guy or a push-over

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Seeing this debate here constantly that women don't like nice guys. No, women and men don't like push-overs. People that let other people walk over them, that don't stand-up for themselves or express their opinions.

Women that are like this get taken advantage of by men, usually sexually. Men get taken advantage by either rejection or a coniving woman that leeches onto them.

So here's a example. We all know George McFly from Back to The Future. He was a classic push-over. Let people push him around, couldn't get over his fear of rejection, meaning he didn't go and try to publish his books he wrote or talk to the girl he liked.

Then, at the end of the movie, makes a stand, decks the bully that's been tormenting him, and begins to stand up for himself.

Now not saying got to go deck people, but I think point is clearly made.

Agreed.

People also don't like leeches, bullies, and whingers.



Nice way of putting it btw

Generosity never implies total submission.

I respect those who are nice and kind, but I find it hard to respect those who let others step on them.

Good post.

Well done GrantZilla, very good post. I absolutely love nice guys (as opposed to bad boys),but find the sort that let people push them around or who are really leechy and clingy to be a bit whimpish. People should stand up for themselves and be independent, not reliant on others.

I wouldn't want to date a woman that lets people walk all over her. I see enough doormattery in day-to-day life without having to 'carry' someone else.

well put, mate! crisp as a jab!

to be honest i'd rather be a nice guy than an idiot who polishes an ASBO anyday

I can be a perfect example of what you guys are talking about. You can call me a nice guy but if someone crosses me, you change your opinion. I don't get physically violent but I stand up for myself in any way I need to.

I will speak my mind and if you have a problem with that, you can cry me a river and drown yourself in it.

Do I sound like a pushover?

Im nice, just ask anyone here

The original poster is right. If you're an as*hole to everyone around you, you aren't going to get very far.

You have to discern who to be an as*hole to, and who deserves your kindness.

- D

Dominance ≠ football.

The idea of confidence alone somehow overcoming low status is ridiculous.
It has a lot more to do with social status and sex appeal. The George McFlys of the world are cut down instead of elevated. They can stand up to bullies, but they will be savagely beaten, and there won't be an ounce of sympathy. The only chance George had (only one opportunity) was when Biff's posse was elsewhere.

The little engines that could know where the tracks stop.

This is one of the reasons I don't drink or do drugs. I know that there is a long list of people who won't hesitate to abuse, exploit, or humiliate me in some way. No, I am not paranoid. Let's just say, in my moment of weakness (extreme fatigue), some guys (extended family) tried to get me arrested.

With people like that, you will always be on the defensive. No ammount of effort will win their approval, and they will never respect you. I am not a fan of fruitless effort (Sisyphus).

Allowing other people to walk over me is different from not being able to fend them off. For example, one person may start a disparaging chant. Others will join forming a chorus. In such a situation, anything you say will be drowned out, walking away will be seen as retreat, and anything physical will be one vs many (who do you think will get beaten and then arrested, and then further beaten?). More people will avoid me so I become more isolated and vulnerable. The best I can do is avoid the situation.


In my experience, most women aren't very bright, and are usually the engine of their own destruction. I expect them to continue making poor choices over the course of their lives. I consider them remarkably unreliable. Chances are, they won't like me, but that isn't a problem because the feeling is mutual.


Rejection is a funny thing, because for some people, it doesn't end. I don't fear it. Instead, I try to circumvent it using activities that aren't dependent on others.


You can fault me for having low status as much as you want. Many things are beyond my control, and they compound on each other.

This is why I tend to mirror people's emotions towards me. People who show kindness to me get kindness in return. If someone is being an as*hole to me, I start being an as*hole right back. (I do cut if off before it escalates out of control, though...)