A Good Man is Hard to Find...

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I have the worst luck with men! I tend to find men (or they find
me!) who are overbearing, controlling and abusive. I have been in
two long term relationships that were horribly abusive, physically,
mentally and sexually. I find that, for the most part, these men
come on so strong, but I am really a novelty to them and when
the "trophy" is not as socially graceful as they would like, or she
doesn't live up to their expectations, they toss me away like an old
toy.

A friend once told me that it would take "one hell of a man" to be
able to handle me. Yes, I can present some challenges, but I am
extremely loyal, faithful, loving, understanding and accommodating.
I am not one to argue, to fly off the handle over little
insignificant things. I have been told that I am very easy to live
with. I just don't understand.

Up till now, I have told only one of the men I was with (the most
recent) about my AS. Somehow I stupidly thought it would make a
difference. It did make a difference, he can't get away fast enough!

Do, do I tell future potential mates about my AS? Or do I keep my
mouth shut and let them believe that I am just weird?

I find that when I do feel comfortable with telling people about my autistic features diagnosis and my issues, they look pretty trivial. These people who I tell are all people who either really like me for who I am and don't see much wrong with how I act, or who know enough about the autism spectrum to see that I don't necessarily have big issues.

Overall I'm not worried about telling hypothetical girlfriends about AS and the like. If they respect me for who I am, this should be a minor detail.

Only you can decide whether you should discuss it with a future partner.

But if people take advantage of you like that, you shouldn't stick around.

I agree, but it seems that men are different from women in that women are more accepting of things like that. Women often are more ready to accept differences and work through them, where a man often things that it is "too much work" or "shouldn't have to be that hard."

Not to trivialize anyone else's issues and certainly not to say that all men are like this or that all women are like this, but from my experience, that is what I have seen.

You just need to find someone who respects you and understands you.

I wish I knew the guys you know! LOL

Men have always treated me like an object instead of like a human (my friend, Paige, told me that). I have always just been so damn happy to have another person want to spend time with me I didn't care if they were treating me like a status symbol.

I just wanted someone to love me and accept me, even if that meant I had to change who I was to get that (I know, I know, a huge contradiction).

I had one ex who constantly told me how strange I was and how I embarassed him in public. I never knew what I was doing wrong, he said that I talked and talked to people even when they didn't want to talk to me anymore - but he never stepped in to stop me or even help me. I just got stuck on that horrible, nauseating, social conversation merry-go-round and couldn't get off.

I wish I could meet someone who would love me and accept me just as I am. I can't bring myself to settle for anything less and when I see that happening I end it.

Maybe I am just supposed to be single???

You shouldn't have to change who you are for anyone. I had done it a long time ago to impress someone, and was more miserable than when I was single.

Unfortunately I do think that it is true that most men look upon their semi-permanant partners or spouses as accessories to their lives, much like a nice house and fancy car, something that enhances their lifestyle and status with other men therefore they prefer women who have no 'downsides' or who require high maintainence.
There are men who have a different reality so don't give up hope just keep looking and I for one would be open about AS with a prospective serious partner.

Keep your mouth shut and don't tell them something creepy-sounding and unknown thing and not even medically proved such as Asperger's Syndrome, It sounds like Ouagadougou...

Thank you, Gary.
You have a very gentle way about you.
My friend and my kids keep telling me that there is someone out there for me.
My son says that I just haven't met a guy who deserves me yet. LOL
Kids are great.

Hey fotojunkie, I'm a single mom with AS with two sons, one with autism and the other with some AS traits and yeah, I've had a run of bad relationships in the past. For me, I know in time either I'll just learn to accept being happy as a single mom or hopefully a wonderful man will come along that will accept me and the kids.

I wouldn't tell anyone you have AS. My own experience is that in the past it has backfired everytime I've mentioned it to any NT. I would definitely not mention it to a date not until after the wedding because manipulative people would like to know you have AS and can be manipulated.

I'd advise reading some psychology books and learning how to spot control freaks and learn how to get out of the rut of playing the victim which it looks like you have in previous relationships. Don't get me wrong I'm not criticizing because I was also playing victim in previous relationships and couldn't believe how I kept getting myself into situations with mental ill, drug abusers and emotional abusers. You have to learn how to break the victim mold. Do some reading seriously and learn how others brains work. You're much too nice a lady to put up with bad characters.

Thanks guys, for your feedback.

I did go through a great deal of counseling and I am still a work in progress. Each time I get with someone I have taken a positive step up. I went from abusive, took a step up to a user, then a step up to just a, well, for lack of a better work, flake.

To his credit, the last one did not abuse me or use me, he just couldn't handle my AS.

Better to know now than later.

For now, I have my kids and my dog. They keep me balanced.