Random tips about dating.

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Post things you realized by yourself that you think other should know.

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- If you are in a club or some place with music, pay attention to the mood of the music, music sets the mood, there is certain music made just for dancing, if you are with a girl/guy he probably expects to dance. Though music suddenly changes and turns into a much heavier or much mellow mood, these are the pauses, so you can talk, go outside with that person or whatever.

- If you are with a group of people, pay attention if everybody is talking in a big group or if small groups are forming, when people split they start to create little groups, this is when you want to sit closely to the girl you are interested, if you don't do it someone else interested in her will. Also be prepared to be examined when you are sitting with that girl, the other guys will be making fun of you and be waiting for you to make a mistake and take that girls attention.

- Try NOT to eat or smoke if you think you could be kissing a girl at any minute. I've noticed how dissapointed they get when the mood is set to be kissing and I eat or smoke something.

- Bringing a red rose to a girl on a first date could seem like a good gesture, but some girls take it as if you want to marry them or something... confusing, so i stopped.

- Instead of trying to impress her with this and that and dragging her to "your places", ask the girl what she want to do. There is no need to drag a girl to a fancy expensive restourant if she would prefer a hamburger and a walk instead.

- Some say that if a girl touch you she may be intrested in you, if she runs her fingers through her hair and plays with it she may be intrested too... this is not always the case, some girls just like to tease

- Arrive well in time before the date. Being "fashionably late" may make you being "fashionably alone" for the evening.

- Feel free to ask the girl some basic "filtering" questions before the date, but not too many - or you may end up having a boring date with nothing to talk about.

- If you feel that she may not be the girl for you (or a complete nutcase), do not be to afraid to cancel the date. I met this girl i thought was a bit.. "special" and i cancelled early and after finished eating i said "I am terribly sorry, but i got to go home and watch CSI now, and i am a big fan". It is better to cancel like that instead of telling her that she is a nutcase.

- If the date went well tell her that you liked her. If you feel uncomfortable doing that person to person, do it over messenger, twitter or facebook - whatever you prefer to use. She may just like you back and you may end up going on a second date.

- Be weary if the girl starts talking about her ex alot and others of her past relationships as if they are not over yet. If this happens, i suggest you call it off. People who cannot decide what or who they want are a waste of time.

- This may be my bad luck, but i had problems dating girls with a certain name, i dated 4 Jenny's in a row (with two girls inbetween) and none of them were any good... one of them was that nutcase i told about above. It is easy to become suspicious towards other girls with simular names after a thing like that

Nice tips ^^.

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Also one thing that was always obvious although I convinced myself all the time was not important or noted, hygiene. Girls do note the lack of it and do not approve it, ESPECIALLY if she isn't like that. Just try to bathe, put some cologne (not over do it) and dress smart. And by smart I mean try to dess something that will fit the place you are going and the people that will be around.

Don't be negative. I tend to scare girls because of my negativity, it not nice to criticize everything or trying to be sarcastic all the time, sometimes all they want is a false laugh.

This one is VERY important. Note the difference in tones when people speak, there are differente "modes" of speaking, there is casual/funny style, usually used in large groups, this is where people try to be funny and exaggerate their voice. Then there is the real speaking, it took my 20 years to realize about this kind of communication, when you speak with a girl on a one on one conversation, she will expect you to use that kind of talking, it's a more relaxed, kinda serious type of talk, this is where you are supposed to show your true self, it is important to look at her in the eyes more often at this stage, talk more silently, especially if more people is around. Try not to joke too much here, just the necessary. This is the type of talk you will hear when you catch two people talking alone. This process is what is called " KNOWING EACH OTHER". This is where aspies fail, on most cases they can't switch to that kind of talking, so although you might feel is natural the other person is getting baffled and probably won't end up knowing you the necesarry, much less getting intimate.

- if a girl talks to you or makes any kind of contact with you on her own accord, it's very likely she's interested in dating you.

- strike while the iron is hot. If you get the hint a girl wants you to make a move, go for it & do not overthink.

- bars & clubs are the worst imaginable places to meet women. Unless you're amazingly popular with great social skills, you'll outright lose to guys that are. Competing in an arena based on social proof for an aspie will send your self-confidence into a nosedive.

- take her on a simple date doing something you normally like to do anyway. Do NOT try to impress her with big, fancy plans. If you're not comfortable, she won't be either & the date will suck.

Well, you CAN meet women there, but not the "dating" type. Where i live, bars and clubs are known as "meatmarket" and the main reason why you go to such places is to get laid - not to find the love of your life.

A friend of mine met a somewhat older woman (we were around 22 and she was almost 30 something) and he sat at her table all night talking to her, and they ended up being together, but apart from that i have never heard about anyone who have found someone in such a place.

thats cruel!! !
*kneels and bows*

Absolutely. However, meeting women in a place like this even just for sex still requires a ton of social navigation. Certianly more than I'm cabable of. Better to just meet them in a mall or something where they're often alone & you don't have to deal with all those complications.

around closing hours it really doesnt require that much, everyone is drunk as s**t (especially in scandinavia). as for me, i just cant sink that low. seriously.

I agree with the second sentence but disagree with the first. Men are expected to initiate, and if initiating is what you're doing you should also have a plan. Go somewhere that is good. It doesn't have to be fancy, just so long as you've been there already and know it's not dreadful. Or even go out to a festival, or the park. Maybe the conversation which leads up to asking the girl out may involve a discussion of food, or the movies, or the outdoors, or whatever you would then suggest to do.

Asking her out and then asking her what to do is not necessarily a deal-breaker, as I suppose you know, but I still think it's kind of weak.

Not so much a correction as an addition: the exception here is if she's twirling her hair, which is generally a sign of boredom.


Again, more of an addition - I'd suggest using a general question as a basis for a conversation topic, and if you feel you may have something in common ask a whole bunch of specific questions. If I find myself asking a girl too many different "filtering" questions without any impetus to take the conversation somewhere meaningful, I start fearing that I don't have anything in common with her and I suspect so would she.

I'd also be wary of the superstition around names. Superstition never helps, and if you start noticing that you are afraid of women named "Jenny" I'd suggest trying to prove yourself wrong. But I suppose that's just my opinion.

Totally agree with the rest. Good thread.

Don't try to have sex too early.

Same here. I have never been able to figure out how to get a "one nighter" with a girl. Its the equivalent of trying to decrypt AES-256 in your head...

I agree, wait until after 9 PM at least.

May want to turn off your cell phone during the date so it won't be a distraction. Also, if she is on her cell phone all the time during the date, cut and run early.

You CAN meet people there the core of the matter is just don't set OUT to meet them there because people who go with that purpose end up finding dysfunction. If it just happens that way beacuse two people happened to be there and hit it off that is more obvious the case then the folks who dress up habitually every friday and sit at the bar waiting for their prince or princess.

My tip is that if someone feels that is the ONLY available venue to meet singles then at least choose the bar carefully. Avoid the ones where the demographic is heavy with the type of people that are not really your 'type'. For example, If someone is a 35 year old professional, for example, most decent sized cities have bars that seem to attract this demographic. This person goes hanging out in a bar that attracts the 21 to 26 year old crowd they might as well hang up their chances and rely on sheer fate.

Me and my ex used to enjoy happy hour about once or twice a week and always tried different places. I live in a moderate sized town and you could tell how different the demographics that hung out there were from place to place. It is good to not just rely on the bar that your friends go to and research the ones that have the type of crowd you feel you would most likely find a date in. Quite frankly where your friends who have partners hang out might be the WORST place for you to find a date. Be bold enough to not worry about going alone on occasion. It can be fun and you meet more people when going solo as you are not restricted to socializing with the group you went in there with.

I've blown it with 3 different girls because I didn't make a move. It was before I knew I was an aspie
and before I did any research on the signs girls give. Don't push it but be on the look out when she wants
you to make a move.

Resist the urge to work the terms "barren" and "cat lady" into any conversation.

Don't fool yourself into thinking you're some magical exception to his @ssholery.
If he calls other women derogatory names, you're stupid to think he wouldn't call/think that of YOU, if you were in this-or-that group.

Don't confuse "benefit of the doubt" with "being convinced you're crazy/insecure" by someone who's plain as day cheating on you.

DO be honest about your needs/wants/dreams from the very beginning, and DON'T proceed until they've divulged similar info in a way you consider genuine.