aspie males too shy/weak to be partner material

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I often feel nervous about not being tough enough for adult life. I imagine situations, like being married, and you and your wife have a bullying neighbour, or an aggresive landlord, or a bad teacher who treats your kid badly at school. An assertive NT would be able to stand up to such, not saying the wife would be a scared flower that needs protecting, but I think most women would appriecate a man who can help deal with such situations . The kind of aspie man who is scared even to talk to friends in a coffee shop, how can he possibly be expected to deal with such.

Last edited by Tom on 24 Apr 2009, 5:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was thinking about the same thing, recently. I'm sure we all know from experience that women don't exactly want the nice guy...

Correct.

I believe that for some of us, the only chance we have is to find an extroverted woman who's attracted to introverted guys (they're rare, but they do exist.) That way, it will compensate for our introversion. Some psychologists believe that introverts are best matched with extroverts and vice versa, and this was certainly the case with my parents. Too bad the society expects all guys to somehow turn themselves into extroverts.

Gender roles suck.

I had an on off girlfriend of this type from 1999 - 2004 we had a few flings, with long times in between. But each time she got bored of me and moved on for a few months/years.

That's exactly why I don't go for the extrovert guy. I vary between intoverted and extroverted - I'd say I am a fairly even balance, if tending more towards the 'introverted' side.

I don't think all women want an extroverted guy, although I notice at lot more with my NT friends they do. A lot of the Aspie girls I know prefer someone quiet - I'd say about 50:50 tend to go for introverted or extroverted.

Maybe you guys should be looking for aspies instead!

Obviously This is based on the 15 or so aspie girls I know, but a fair few of them (including myself and my best friends) prefer introverts. I feel a lot safer with someone who is quiet, therefore helping me to become more extroverted. I feel stifled if I am around lots of extroverted people.

Raikai

But I would think that most Aspie girls would be introverts since Aspies in general are introverted, and therefore they would be much happier with extroverted NT guys, not guys like us. I guess you could call it "opposites attract."

Well i think we should just start learning how to deal with such situations. I have told myself many times that if i am scared the rest of my life then i will never get anything important. I know it is hard for us, but little by little we can make some efforts and we'll see how that fear dissappears.

I often feel too weak to be in a relationship. Just being around others exposes my 'weakness'. I really can't see myself getting married and having a wife. It would have to be someone really special to see something good in me, which will outweigh this 'weakness".

I am an Aspie male age 16, I am very introverted but I have been in a steady relationship with an NT extrovert for a little under 18 months, so it does happen!

One of the biggest problems for Aspie guys is surely the lack of experience beforehand, but once you have been in a few or even just a single relationship, you start to pick up some of that.... smoothness and knowledge.

I am relatively introverted (at least more so than extroverted), but I (and most girls I know) feel a lot happier with someone simialr to them - it's been proven opposites don't attract. see this link.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3031396.stm

Girls may not always 'go for' guys who are similar to them - but it almost always works out better in the end. Us girls just need to learn to not go for flash and looks! To be fair to us females though, some of my guy friends do this too.

Raikai

Well, it's undoubtedly true that relationships tend to work best when people have a lot of things in common. But with regards to introversion/extroversion, it's usually a pairing of the opposites which works best together, because they're "complimentary."

Not for me, but I guess everyone is different!

Raikai

15 aspie girls, interesting =P is any of those girls single and between 20-30 y.o.?




Seconded.

i am not shy or weak.
i am not interested in having a "relationship" because they are too much bother.

Aspie guys seem to be the needy type. Most women hate that.

Most people always expect a man to be able to be seen in the less vulnerable state which is a gender role and gender roles are uniquely neurotypical. To me this is alien; an aspie man is likely to be hassled which is why we do not often socialise so would be introverted. Just because that an aspie may be a man it does not say if he has to follow the so called typical male role and be extroverted just to attract a woman. If she is that demanding that is stressful for an aspie anyway so in this case. In this case if you show to be tough then neurotypicals say you got an attitude propblem or have a violent streak.