Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Back when I first started looking for work at 17, I had the exact same question, because everyone kept saying over and over again they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have enough experience, they are aware that you have to get hired on some where in order to get experience, they simply don't want to be the one to give you the experience.

Whatever....



lol....pre-rejecting, i never asked you for your sexual validation.



I could pay to lose it if it's an idea i can't bear, what I dislike more is being a relationship-wise virgin at that age, I guess you know what i mean.




No. My only current friends are female.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 Apr 2012, 4:59 pm, edited 3 times in total.

That is a totally real and frustrating issue pertaining to employment.

I know perfectly well how you meant it, so I figured you would know I used it the same way...also regardless of how long such a stupid stigma exists, I still see nothing wrong with being a virgin. I also would prefer to state my opinion that it is a stupid stigma, not just go along with it because that's what society thinks. I'm not a virgin and I don't think its really that big of an accomplishment.

about employment, what i do is volunteer in the applicable field and thus gain experience. it's like a back door that few people bother to try. also, once i do get a job, even if it is in a non-ideal profession, i make sure to diversify and sign up for opportunities to gain skill in novel areas, which will help me when looking to switch to a new career.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 21 Apr 2012, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I believe you but the fact that you are talking about it means that you are aware that this stigma (and the other stigma you mentioned) exists strongly in society.

I just personally think we just have to co-live with them, whether we accept it or not instead of wasting time by expressing our objection to it.

some people care about virgin status and some don't. the only time it matters is when confronted by a potential partner who cares either way. the rest of the world is irrelevant. for the record, i had 2 guys refuse to have sex with me due to my virgin status. obviously, a relationship with them was doomed to fail because i wanted sex. so i found someone who didn't have an issue with it.

Ooo dissmissive and juvenile, my favorite, though admittedly not what I would usually expect from someone of your advanced age.

Pre-rejecting nonsense again All I was saying is that there are likely reasons you aren't doing as well with women as you'd like other that your sexual status. Based not on knowledge of you as an individual but of how dating works. Unless you have virgin tatooed on your forehead there's no reason women could use immediately reject or devalue you for it.

Relationship-wise virgin? No I don't know what you mean. Do you have any real words to describe it?

I'm glad you have some female friends, that's very nice for you.

Who's being juvenile now? :p




You sounded there expressing your personal opinion about me, and not talking in general -a confusion moment.



Someone who never had a relationship.

It's easier for me to get away with it at my age
Thanks for clarifying. Could you also tell me what you mean by co-live? Does that just mean 'live with'?

I think it's worth examining and questioning patriarchal norms because that's how change happens. If we don't like being judged on the basis of our sexual status we should talk about why that is wrong and fight that perception. That's how we make the world a better place.

I don't know your age.




Yes, to cope with it.



Good, I no longer have the energy for it ;p, i find it futile, I leave this cause to people like you.

Yeah of course I am aware of it, and I disagree with it. Also I don't see what is a waste of time about expressing objection to such ridiculous stigmas and such.

My experience has been that treating women well often leads to the assumption that I "only want one thing", even when I am not interested in the girl I am talking to. Male stereotypes have a lot to do with what people think about the Nice Guy ("He's a phony", "He's just smooth-talking you", "He just wants to get in your pants", etc.) I have been raised by a feminist single mother, so I remember staring at the wall and thinking "If I can't respect OR disrespect women, what the hell am I supposed to do"?

Honestly, things improved when I became more relaxed about my own behavior. I always treat others with respect and am sure to put my ego aside when I mess up, but I became less worried about how others react when I say something they do not like. This was tougher when talking to women thanks to various gender related doctrines I've been raised with. Ultimately, I felt that if I did nothing wrong, I had no obligation to comfort those who got upset with me.

I actually ended up meeting MORE girls after "being myself", since I had to get over that hurdle where I was being two-faced. The people I met could tell that I was not standing for anything, and was just going out of my way to seem as inoffensive as possible. I think it came off as a sign of weakness, and therefore a turn off.

I would say be a nice guy, but not an apologetic one.

It probably came across as insincerity or even dishonesty, as opposed to weakness. Idk about other women, but if I feel like a guy isn't being honest it's all I can do to even talk to him.

I second that. I've come to the conclusion that elevating women too much above oneself isn't really the same thing as respect. In a way, it almost dehumanizes them.

^pedestals are not comfortable.