Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

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This whole "becoming successful later in life" seems to work out well for many people, but not me. I'm almost 40 and have yet to succeed at anything. I do not have the money or social support to improve my situation by going to school or getting a better job.

In a lot of cases, success is only temporary, I have a good job now, but I if I lose it suddenly after 2 years or so I would be a loser again.

Yeah, I don't think your paycheck necessarily equals social status. Who your family is in the community, whether or not you were popular in primary and secondary, whether you stayed on an achievement arc, in our case whether or not you have a disability, it's based on a lot of very social Darwinian factors that you can't simply make up by merit, by being tough or intrepid, I suppose its worth being those things for its own sake (ie. having better things, entertaining yourself with what you learn, the 'giving back' factor) but it still seems like most of the data people are looking to gather on you is a life-long averaged portfolio and for most people at least half or more of those things aren't in their control.

Hey! I'm the same age as you. We are not almost 40. Mid 30s. And we are not living at a point tgat can be described as "later in life". We're still young.

I would be considered a loser in a lot of ways, socially especially:

- I have very very few friends, and most of them were acquired via my brother not via myself, while I am close to two of them now it's not of my own social achievement really, it just happened.
- 36 and still not in a formal relationship, and no such potential thing in the near future.
- While I have a good salary now (compared to my country's GDP), I work in a very small startup company which may or may not survive in the upcoming five years, and no exit plan so far except few tiny freelance tasks. A lot of my former colleagues work in big and multinational companies now.
- I have never succeeded to get a job outside my country, like in the GCC countries where a lot of my fellow college colleagues worked for some years, thanks to their social connections, and came back with a nice fortune.
- I have failed to form long term relationships with local women, to many, this is a sign of inadequacy and alienation.
- I've traveled to very few countries, didn't much experience a lot of adventures.

It makes me wonder, if people really saw to the bottom of what they're doing (ie. permanently grading humanity on a curve) and owned up to it - would we recast society to account for it? It goes back somewhat to what I was saying earlier - if you believe anyone can do anything then you can throw people under the bus because it's their fault that they got there to begin with. If we own up to the awareness that it's like that then we have to face facts - ie. that we're telling a portion of society that they're worthless and that things would be better if they're gone, which is both a huge HR blunder and additionally a great way to foment all kinds of political and social unrest. It would really be better if, accepting what we are and what we do, we had some station (or series of stations) in life that permanently single people could rise to or have recommended to them that in some way compensate for the situation and let them prove their merits or use their added freedom from family responsibility to society's benefit.

It can be tough to tell at times which is the bigger progress-stopper, people's desire to distort reality to feed their own egos or their desire to distort reality to compensate their own complaisance. Whichever it is it's something that needs to be overcome for a lot of critical reasons, this situation (ie. permanent singles) being one of the relatively smaller ones.

Which of these things are really really important to you?

Working in a multinational company is a major !"£$%^&U*I(O grind. I'm disinterested in social status as a function as a paycheck, it's better to teach people what I know & see what happens.

30 is the new 40
I’m 30 and my life is already over.

You're such a downer. No wonder women don't want to date you.

We both know why women won’t date me and it has nothing to do with that or my personality since they never get close enough to see either.

You're right in a sense, but it's probably that same attitude that keeps you from progressing in life too. You don't have to work full-time to get a better-paying job, but it's not going to happen if you do nothing towards it. Your first focus should be to get to the stage where you can comfortably live independently of your parents if you choose, even if you don't choose to right away. Without economic sustainability, you're not going to be able to get far in life in any way.

No ones going pay more then min wage for part time work no one.
And to make same as someone working full time $25 an hour I’d have to make $50 an hour
So what job do you think someone in my situation with no experience and can’t go go college is going pay $50 an hour for 20 hours a week? I’m all ears

I could live independently with government aid if I wanted to. I don’t see a reason to. It’d cause my family to lose their home, possible be homeless and me to be all completely alone and cut off from all my family and friends. I don’t see why I should do that and I’d wager any woman who did consider dating me apon hearing what I did would run away. I’d imagine just about anyone would consider it a stupidly solely selfish act.
I dont know about others here but I do t live off my family. They’re no different then if I rented a house with 2 strangers.
I doubt anyone here would look down in someone who has strangers as roommates.
Course plus side is my family won’t acrew me over where as if I’d moved in with my friends they’d moved out leaving me to pay the rent and ending up homeless so I can look back and say deciding to not do so was a good idea.

There is no solution to this besides getting a full time well paid job which I can’t do for various reasons.

Well not for retail, no, but you could up-skill and find something better. Why can't you do that?


No one said you have to make an income similar to that of a full-time worker. Just enough to sustain yourself.

Relying on the government is not independent.

Well if you do get a girlfriend, the ultimate goal of a relationship is to move in together. She's not going to want to move into your parents' place, so maybe a relationship is just not viable for you until you can move out.


What are those reasons? How many hours can you work a week max? What would happen if you worked more than that number? Could you push yourself to increase your hours over time rather than doing it all at once? Have you ever even tried working full-time?

I work full-time for just over min wage, and I could move out alone if I needed to, but I wouldn't be able to save much money. On the other hand, I can move out with my brother, and I'm going to look towards doing that next year.

A bird cannot spread its wings if it never leaves the nest.

I didn’t say retail I said no one. Now employer anyway is going pay more then min wage for someone who works part time.

Most women won’t date a guy who’s just sustaining himself, that won’t buy a house, cars, vacations or pay for kids to grow up.
They want a guy who makes 22+ an hour working full time so someone part time would have to make twice as much.

I disagree
And if you think that most people aren’t independent not even billionaires.

First my parent doesn’t have a place my mom me and my sister share a place we rent together.
I’m sure I’d i got a gf they’d understand me moving out to live with her but moving out when I don’t need to is a as*hole move that will ruin lives for no reason. Would you make your mom homeless just so you might impress some women? What would a potential gf think of you doing so? People always tell women to judge a man on how he treats his mom and I’d guess throwing her out on the street would send a bad message to potential gfs

Lots of women live off not with their parents.
Lady at works bf lives with her at her parents place. So it would seem to me after dating for year or two we could find a place together. Not like I’m going meet a lady and want to live with her after few weeks that’s how separated people end up living awkwardly with their ex no thanks

My hours I can work have been going down gradually not up. I have an official documentation from doctors of how many hours I can handle.

I worked full time few months a year 10 years ago. Ended up getting fired cause one day I had enough of it. In between working those months I did no work for 9 months. I honest think about quitting a lot as is
I’m always tired and I only work 4 hour shifts but they stress me out and exhaust me.

Well maybe you should take your advice and move out without your brother as that’s be living with family. Which would be the same situation your criticizing me about.
Here you are telling me I need to move out and screw my family over when you plan to rent with your brother 0.o

I'm not telling you to screw your own family over. Why can't they get by without you?

And moving out with my brother or another family member close to my age isnt the same as living with parents or grandparents or someone older. Theres a very clear difference between those who live with their parents and those who live with their siblings.