Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

Post Reply New Topic

If it's no one that must be a situation very specific to the USA as I know people who make good money with part time jobs. One of my cousin makes as much money with 20h/weeks as my father does with 40/h weeks and his salary is above min wage too.
But you need skills to get such a job and you need to make your employer believe that you're not easily replaceable. (and you don't need a job this well paid just notably better than min wage)
I won't make any statement about whether it is possible for you now or could ever be but in principle it is not impossible.


A lot of women want what you describe and a lot of men who don't meet these standards still have families. You don't need to become perfect but as of now you're in an exceptionally bad situation for attracting a partner. (That is if you actually are better of giving up than if you keep trying I won't try to dissuade you from it. If giving up is better or if making a change is worth the effort and stress it comes with only you can know.)


If you get a date again, make sure that, when you eventually admit you're living with your mother, you make sure to word it in a way that makes it clear you're not living off of her money.
Still your situation is problematic, because it is obvious that under these circumstances you can't just move out (without letting people down you care about). Even if you had a girlfriend for years the process of you and her moving in together would not be an easy one. And that too is obvious.


What makes you tired though. If it's the interaction with customers then maybe you do need a different kind of job (In which case Grand Inquisitors advice to up-skill is a good one - you don't necessarily need another degree or any expensive thing. While those help getting jobs what you absolutely need is the skills.)


No, sorry but his situation and yours sound completely different. First of all he is 22 and his situation is not stagnant. A prospective partner has no reason to assume that his current situation is how he will spend the rest of his life.
There's also no indication that he won't be able to move out of the place he rents with his brother without the brother getting homeless.

Spot on

OK, fine, since this only looks like a random link and therefore doesn't catch attention, I'll stop beating 'round the bush: do you think that "try to understand women and befriend them" a lazy shortcut that creates frustrated "nice guys", or is it good advice? I ain't even involuntarily celibate, but I know somebody who has dating problems and has been called out for being overly direct in picking up women, and that's the advice he's been given. (In a shouty manner that makes him not want to listen.) Part of me agrees, but part of me is like, "his intentions wouldn't suddenly gonna turn pure and non-sexual if he were to do that, he'd still be after the same thing." IDK, what I get from here is that if he wants to be this direct, he should maybe try more sexualized environments than supermarkets and video game stores.

MOD Edit: cross-posting

I have to defend Sly at least somewhat.

He is in a complicated situation whereby his benefits keep his family with a roof over his head. He is not totally living off his family. He is helping his family, in fact.

If he works full-time, he loses his benefits. This might cause his family to lose where they live. It’s a complicated situation he is in. But he is not a leech.

I wish the other members of his family would seek to “better themselves.” That would inspire Sly to “better himself.”

I wish he would stop with that ideology whereby there’s no hope for him to find love, though. It’s totally useless, and probably not correct.

I wish he'd stop with the ideology that there's no point looking for another job.

I don't understand people who wallow in unhappy situations. Whenever I've been unhappy I've moved on.

I've been criticised for it by people who think that you should just stay put and stick it out like thats some kind of moral high ground, when in fact they're just too scared of change and they enjoy moaning about it because it lets people see how "strong" they are for sticking out an unpleasant thing.

Also, I can now earn part time what I would have earned full time in an entry level job. It is possible.

I wish Sly would go for something like X-ray technician....or something in health care.

Very true, it is a complicated situation but unfortunately who or what caused the situation doesn't change much about what effects that situation has on his life currently.

I think this:



is an important question.
What stops his mother or sister from improving their situations?
Are they content with their situation?
If not, could all three of them (or two of them) try to make a change together?

I get the idea of Sly training for something that will pay more per hour and possibly be more enjoyable but what

opportunities are there in his area. Moving away to train is not an option without disrupting the whole family. It

would also need to be for a job that a)exists in his area and b)can be done on a part time basis. This is the same

problem I had for years. We could really do with a list of jobs that are autism friendly, that are flexible enough, such

as in hours, to fit around our issues.

As for being independent, we are all dependent on the societies we live in. If anyone truly had to make it entirely

on their own, they wouldn't last five minutes.

That's a very specific idea. Do explain. Is it something you would like to have done?

Point 2 and last point.

We get housing which is based off the 3 of us and will be loss when I move out. They’d be understanding if I was moving out to be with a gf but not just moving out to hopefully impress women.
This house will probably be strike 3 for my mom with housing
My moms on disability and has been her whole life
My sister works as her home care giver.

I'm in a similar situation to Sly. I've got a full time job and the money I earn from that contributes to keeping a roof over the whole family. In the future we're going to pool our resources and finally buy a family house so my parents don't have to rely on renting any more.

If I moved out on my own not only would it hurt the family now, but it'd drastically slow down the time it'll take for us to buy a house as I waste all my earnings on unnecessary rent.

What's the nature of your mum's disability?

Well at least in your case you ultimately have a plan. But like I said to sly, if you do get a partner, they're probably going to want to live with just you. How do you make that work when you've got a share in a family home?

I move out eventually after we’ve dated for year or so. I don’t plan to just jump into a living situation with someone I’ve only known for few months

His plan is to live with his family forever, hows that better then me? Mean once he buys the house with his family he’s with them forever or forfets his share he put in.