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Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

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kraftiekortie
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08 Dec 2018, 8:38 pm

It doesn’t matter “who is better.”

What matters—is that, sometimes, it’s not just adult children leeching off their parents.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Dec 2018, 8:39 pm

sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have to defend Sly at least somewhat.

He is in a complicated situation whereby his benefits keep his family with a roof over his head. He is not totally living off his family. He is helping his family, in fact.

If he works full-time, he loses his benefits. This might cause his family to lose where they live. It’s a complicated situation he is in. But he is not a leech.

I wish the other members of his family would seek to “better themselves.” That would inspire Sly to “better himself.”

I wish he would stop with that ideology whereby there’s no hope for him to find love, though. It’s totally useless, and probably not correct.


I'm in a similar situation to Sly. I've got a full time job and the money I earn from that contributes to keeping a roof over the whole family. In the future we're going to pool our resources and finally buy a family house so my parents don't have to rely on renting any more.

If I moved out on my own not only would it hurt the family now, but it'd drastically slow down the time it'll take for us to buy a house as I waste all my earnings on unnecessary rent.

Well at least in your case you ultimately have a plan. But like I said to sly, if you do get a partner, they're probably going to want to live with just you. How do you make that work when you've got a share in a family home?


I move out eventually after we’ve dated for year or so. I don’t plan to just jump into a living situation with someone I’ve only known for few months

Yeah I wouldn't expect you to, but the catch 22 there is that women are less likely to be interested in dating you while you're living with parents



sly279
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08 Dec 2018, 8:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It doesn’t matter “who is better.”

What matters—is that, sometimes, it’s not just adult children leeching off their parents.

I wasn’t trying to do a who’s better just pointing out his hypocrisy.

That buying a house to live with your parents is good
But renting a place with your family is bad.
0.o



sly279
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08 Dec 2018, 8:59 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have to defend Sly at least somewhat.

He is in a complicated situation whereby his benefits keep his family with a roof over his head. He is not totally living off his family. He is helping his family, in fact.

If he works full-time, he loses his benefits. This might cause his family to lose where they live. It’s a complicated situation he is in. But he is not a leech.

I wish the other members of his family would seek to “better themselves.” That would inspire Sly to “better himself.”

I wish he would stop with that ideology whereby there’s no hope for him to find love, though. It’s totally useless, and probably not correct.


I'm in a similar situation to Sly. I've got a full time job and the money I earn from that contributes to keeping a roof over the whole family. In the future we're going to pool our resources and finally buy a family house so my parents don't have to rely on renting any more.

If I moved out on my own not only would it hurt the family now, but it'd drastically slow down the time it'll take for us to buy a house as I waste all my earnings on unnecessary rent.

Well at least in your case you ultimately have a plan. But like I said to sly, if you do get a partner, they're probably going to want to live with just you. How do you make that work when you've got a share in a family home?


I move out eventually after we’ve dated for year or so. I don’t plan to just jump into a living situation with someone I’ve only known for few months

Yeah I wouldn't expect you to, but the catch 22 there is that women are less likely to be interested in dating you while you're living with parents


I don’t think it makes any difference as long as I’m considered basically unemployed and don’t have a car. If I lived alone I’d still be just undateable.
You need all 3 to be dateable.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Dec 2018, 9:02 pm

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It doesn’t matter “who is better.”

What matters—is that, sometimes, it’s not just adult children leeching off their parents.

I wasn’t trying to do a who’s better just pointing out his hypocrisy.

That buying a house to live with your parents is good
But renting a place with your family is bad.
0.o

That's not what I said. I did ask him what he plans to do after buying the house as a girlfriend isnt going to want to live with his family. But at least he's working towards progressing in some sense and not remaining stagnant...



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Dec 2018, 9:04 pm

sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have to defend Sly at least somewhat.

He is in a complicated situation whereby his benefits keep his family with a roof over his head. He is not totally living off his family. He is helping his family, in fact.

If he works full-time, he loses his benefits. This might cause his family to lose where they live. It’s a complicated situation he is in. But he is not a leech.

I wish the other members of his family would seek to “better themselves.” That would inspire Sly to “better himself.”

I wish he would stop with that ideology whereby there’s no hope for him to find love, though. It’s totally useless, and probably not correct.


I'm in a similar situation to Sly. I've got a full time job and the money I earn from that contributes to keeping a roof over the whole family. In the future we're going to pool our resources and finally buy a family house so my parents don't have to rely on renting any more.

If I moved out on my own not only would it hurt the family now, but it'd drastically slow down the time it'll take for us to buy a house as I waste all my earnings on unnecessary rent.

Well at least in your case you ultimately have a plan. But like I said to sly, if you do get a partner, they're probably going to want to live with just you. How do you make that work when you've got a share in a family home?


I move out eventually after we’ve dated for year or so. I don’t plan to just jump into a living situation with someone I’ve only known for few months

Yeah I wouldn't expect you to, but the catch 22 there is that women are less likely to be interested in dating you while you're living with parents


I don’t think it makes any difference as long as I’m considered basically unemployed and don’t have a car. If I lived alone I’d still be just undateable.
You need all 3 to be dateable.

The car thing doesn't matter as much as long as you don't expect your partner to drive you everywhere. It'll be a deal-breaker to some, but not all. The other two are important to most though.



sly279
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08 Dec 2018, 10:10 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have to defend Sly at least somewhat.

He is in a complicated situation whereby his benefits keep his family with a roof over his head. He is not totally living off his family. He is helping his family, in fact.

If he works full-time, he loses his benefits. This might cause his family to lose where they live. It’s a complicated situation he is in. But he is not a leech.

I wish the other members of his family would seek to “better themselves.” That would inspire Sly to “better himself.”

I wish he would stop with that ideology whereby there’s no hope for him to find love, though. It’s totally useless, and probably not correct.


I'm in a similar situation to Sly. I've got a full time job and the money I earn from that contributes to keeping a roof over the whole family. In the future we're going to pool our resources and finally buy a family house so my parents don't have to rely on renting any more.

If I moved out on my own not only would it hurt the family now, but it'd drastically slow down the time it'll take for us to buy a house as I waste all my earnings on unnecessary rent.

Well at least in your case you ultimately have a plan. But like I said to sly, if you do get a partner, they're probably going to want to live with just you. How do you make that work when you've got a share in a family home?


I move out eventually after we’ve dated for year or so. I don’t plan to just jump into a living situation with someone I’ve only known for few months

Yeah I wouldn't expect you to, but the catch 22 there is that women are less likely to be interested in dating you while you're living with parents


I don’t think it makes any difference as long as I’m considered basically unemployed and don’t have a car. If I lived alone I’d still be just undateable.
You need all 3 to be dateable.

The car thing doesn't matter as much as long as you don't expect your partner to drive you everywhere. It'll be a deal-breaker to some, but not all. The other two are important to most though.


Most women in my area specifically mention all 3 as deal breakers.
I do t expect but will I accept any rides.
I’d be willing to help them pay for a car and stuff though.



Aspie19828
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09 Dec 2018, 3:19 am

Most autism services are either geared to children or young adults, the services are way better but I've aged out of most of them. There is like one adult meet up in a metro of 4m but i dunno it just doesn't appeal to me, I don't want to be the thirsty loser who joins one of these or hangout with a bunch of dudes I don't have anything in common with besides a disability.
I've come to a point where I realize it's not the autism with me but rather more a maladaptive personality resulting from living with the pain & trauma of autism my entire life with not much of any support.
Online is probably the best bet but good luck with it, also can be very discouraging. Truth is no matter where, most people aren't interested in someone unemployed + disabled so it feels impossible explaining myself to people in a way that isn't totally humiliating.



hurtloam
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09 Dec 2018, 3:37 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The car thing doesn't matter as much as long as you don't expect your partner to drive you everywhere. It'll be a deal-breaker to some, but not all. The other two are important to most though.


I worked with a guy who can't drive. His wife drives him to work. He can't drive.

Sly actually can drive, just doesn't have a car at the moment. So in the long run in a relationship they could share the driving of a car they both own.

I don't see the issue, but then us Brits aren't married to our cars the way Americans are. I know your towns were built with driving on mind rather than walking.



The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Dec 2018, 4:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The car thing doesn't matter as much as long as you don't expect your partner to drive you everywhere. It'll be a deal-breaker to some, but not all. The other two are important to most though.


I worked with a guy who can't drive. His wife drives him to work. He can't drive.

Sly actually can drive, just doesn't have a car at the moment. So in the long run in a relationship they could share the driving of a car they both own.

I don't see the issue, but then us Brits aren't married to our cars the way Americans are. I know your towns were built with driving on mind rather than walking.

I'm Australian.



kraftiekortie
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09 Dec 2018, 6:03 am

There’s a big car culture in Australia, too.

I was recommending that Sly improve his lot by becoming something like an x-ray technician. That’s the way Yankees put it sometimes “I want you to....”

No obligation. Just a friendly desire. Sly understood what I meant.



Aspie19828
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09 Dec 2018, 6:11 am

Toxic masculine culture, Bogan/Redneck, tradesmen, heavy drinking, big car culture, MMA/UFC, football, sports jock, Hollywood lifestyle that both Australia and America embrace. If you do not embrace the questionable over the top aggressive macho culture they have over there in USA or Australia, you are an outsider. Europe and Asian countries are more laid back and have less angry people and have more culture and are more sophisticated than Australia and America.



kraftiekortie
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09 Dec 2018, 6:47 am

I like football and car racing.

I also like museums and classical music.



Marknis
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09 Dec 2018, 3:43 pm

If anything, I am love-shy because trying to make an approach makes me anxious to the point I often won't even try and the few times I have indeed tried didn't go the way I wanted them to go.



sly279
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09 Dec 2018, 4:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There’s a big car culture in Australia, too.

I was recommending that Sly improve his lot by becoming something like an x-ray technician. That’s the way Yankees put it sometimes “I want you to....”

No obligation. Just a friendly desire. Sly understood what I meant.

I’m not smart enough to do that nor can I go back to school for it, government won’t help either they happy with disabled people working min wage jobs



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09 Dec 2018, 4:43 pm

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There’s a big car culture in Australia, too. I was recommending that Sly improve his lot by becoming something like an x-ray technician. That’s the way Yankees put it sometimes “I want you to....”. No obligation. Just a friendly desire. Sly understood what I meant.
I’m not smart enough to do that nor can I go back to school for it, government won’t help either they happy with disabled people working min wage jobs
Then I recommend seeking a career in the legal profession — it doesn’t require a lot of intelligence, and you already seem to have an argument against every helpful suggestion made to you so far.