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Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 1:38 am

BlueMax wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i would wonder though.... in your opinion have i EVER made an inaccurate statement about women? please point it out to me if it is the case.

"women are not gold-diggers"? You went to great lengths to defend all women everywhere and condemn men for even considering some women have less than noble intents.

I'm hoping my small cross-section of experiences are only bad examples...

i didn't ever say that NO women are gold-diggers. there are always some women who are shallow like that, and i include that information every time i post a rebuttal. you can try again if you want, but i would suggest that you actually FIND a post that you think is inaccurate, because you are not recalling my posts correctly.


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hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 2:02 am

mds_02 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
about employment, what i do is volunteer in the applicable field and thus gain experience. it's like a back door that few people bother to try. also, once i do get a job, even if it is in a non-ideal profession, i make sure to diversify and sign up for opportunities to gain skill in novel areas, which will help me when looking to switch to a new career.


given that they were comparing sex to employment, I'm not sure your wording was ideal.

o lordy i didn't realise. :oops:


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hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 2:04 am

BlueMax wrote:
I get the impression you really dislike men

i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though.


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ValentineWiggin
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18 May 2012, 4:31 am

hyperlexian wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
I get the impression you really dislike men

i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though.


Refuting sexism 'round these parts constitutes hating men.

Ironically misandrist, no?


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18 May 2012, 4:56 am

Kurgan wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Kurgan, your post is inconsistent. on another thread you made it clear that you do not want to ever give emotional support to any friends, not just those few that you believe have 'friendzoned' you. however, most people consider that to be part of friendship. very few people behave to the extreme degree that you are wary of.


I never said that. In a regular friendship, though, you talk about you emotions now and then, when the other person has asked about them and you still do other stuff together. Friendship doesn't mean to ungeatefuly use someone you never talk to normally like a dispenser of sympathy when nobody else wants to listen to your BS.

Heres a thing that bothers me a lot but I cant change:
You cant define what you are going to do with a friend and just expect the other person to be stick to that at all times. Ive been on friendships where that was what happened and I ended up having to leave them because it wasnt healthy/it was damaging me.

The kind of friendship you expect may sound nice but in my experience it doesnt last for long so I encourage you to try to do some research on what friendship is and try to be more open to meeting people of both genders.
It wont hurt your chances of finding someone since you´ll have a wider social circle and you´ll be out more frequently.



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18 May 2012, 6:41 am

Vexcalibur wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
how does a person lose their dignity by learning to be a good friend?


Let's say she never wants to hang out, never returns his calls, plays mind games and stuff like that and that the only thing she ever contacts him for is to b.tch about how the guy she's currently sleeping with is leaving the toilet seat up all the time.

A good friend talks about common interests, like ice hockey, what kind of motor oil is good, movies and stuff lik that—and at the same time is willing to do fun stuff (concerts, going to the gym and so on) with you. The guy the unstable girl is currently f.cking is her friend.

Really though, if you are interested, say so. If she rejects you, there is nothing forcing you to be her friend. Always possible to downgrade someone to "person you know".


I always do that if a date fails.



Kurgan
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18 May 2012, 6:46 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Kurgan, your post is inconsistent. on another thread you made it clear that you do not want to ever give emotional support to any friends, not just those few that you believe have 'friendzoned' you. however, most people consider that to be part of friendship. very few people behave to the extreme degree that you are wary of.


I never said that. In a regular friendship, though, you talk about you emotions now and then, when the other person has asked about them and you still do other stuff together. Friendship doesn't mean to ungeatefuly use someone you never talk to normally like a dispenser of sympathy when nobody else wants to listen to your BS.


this was what you said:

Kurgan wrote:
Not necessarily. A friend and a girlfriend is not the same. Whereas a girlfriend is someone to share intimate moments and emotions with, friends are someone you fix your car together with, go to the gym with or talk about sports with.


Kurgan wrote:
If all he/she ever does is to contact their victim three times a month to b***h about problems, while never talking about other things, they're not friends. Emotions are something you talk about now and then after the other part has asked about them.


Kurgan wrote:
I don't answer the phone and if somebody tries to dump their problems onto me, I just tell them it's not my problem. Thus, I'm nobody's emotional tampon. Again: I don't pay for sex; trying to get someone into bed by being a Sisyphus is paying for sex.

With that being said, there are many insecure (but otherwise fine) men who would pick up the phone.


Kurgan wrote:
Friends share their problems a few times and that's it. If one of my true friends started dumping his problems onto me 3-4 times a month and didn't want to have anything to do with me otherwise, I'd tell him to man the f..k up.

For every emotional conversation, there should be a two digit number of conversations about music, sports, cars, movies, tips for development at the gym and so on, i.e. Interesting conversations. THATS what friends are for.


you made it clear that you only want to offer emotional support to friends when they are also willing to talk about sports and cars and going to the gym to a much higher degree (which you made pretty clear was something your MALE friends are into).

you have a very unusual idea of what constitutes friendship.


What's wrong with that? If a girl only contacts you to whine and never talk about anything else, you're her emotional tampon.

The few girls I'm really friends with, I treat no different than my male friends.



ValentineWiggin
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18 May 2012, 6:49 am

Kurgan wrote:

What's wrong with that? If a girl only contacts you to whine and never talk about anything else, you're her emotional tampon.



Yes, but that's quite different from saying friendship is definitionally based on sharing of interests as opposed to emotions.
It's different things to different people, and for many, friendship means emotional support to at least some degree.


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18 May 2012, 10:11 am

Just read some random things in the thread, some weren't so nice though. I like nice guys. Some macho seems more like a loser than a nice guy because he puts up a silly act, and I want to feel good around someone, and that'll only work with a nice person.



BlueMax
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18 May 2012, 10:27 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
I get the impression you really dislike men

i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though.


Refuting sexism 'round these parts constitutes hating men.

Ironically misandrist, no?

Sexism works two ways. I've been "encouraged to quit" from an all-female office just because the new boss hates men, I've been bullied ONLY by female office managers and unhelped by female HR staff, my kids stolen from me by an all-female court system that actively made man-jokes at my expense... all due to the automatic assumption of "power to women" means "all men are evil and must be destroyed or controlled".

I'm all for equality but I'm getting tired of the abuses being dished out. Just because women were treated poorly in the past doesn't give them the right to be abusive now, just as white people should not be made slaves just because of what some did to black people long ago.

Evil is evil. Period.



hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 12:45 pm

Kurgan wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Kurgan, your post is inconsistent. on another thread you made it clear that you do not want to ever give emotional support to any friends, not just those few that you believe have 'friendzoned' you. however, most people consider that to be part of friendship. very few people behave to the extreme degree that you are wary of.


I never said that. In a regular friendship, though, you talk about you emotions now and then, when the other person has asked about them and you still do other stuff together. Friendship doesn't mean to ungeatefuly use someone you never talk to normally like a dispenser of sympathy when nobody else wants to listen to your BS.


this was what you said:

Kurgan wrote:
Not necessarily. A friend and a girlfriend is not the same. Whereas a girlfriend is someone to share intimate moments and emotions with, friends are someone you fix your car together with, go to the gym with or talk about sports with.


Kurgan wrote:
If all he/she ever does is to contact their victim three times a month to b***h about problems, while never talking about other things, they're not friends. Emotions are something you talk about now and then after the other part has asked about them.


Kurgan wrote:
I don't answer the phone and if somebody tries to dump their problems onto me, I just tell them it's not my problem. Thus, I'm nobody's emotional tampon. Again: I don't pay for sex; trying to get someone into bed by being a Sisyphus is paying for sex.

With that being said, there are many insecure (but otherwise fine) men who would pick up the phone.


Kurgan wrote:
Friends share their problems a few times and that's it. If one of my true friends started dumping his problems onto me 3-4 times a month and didn't want to have anything to do with me otherwise, I'd tell him to man the f..k up.

For every emotional conversation, there should be a two digit number of conversations about music, sports, cars, movies, tips for development at the gym and so on, i.e. Interesting conversations. THATS what friends are for.


you made it clear that you only want to offer emotional support to friends when they are also willing to talk about sports and cars and going to the gym to a much higher degree (which you made pretty clear was something your MALE friends are into).

you have a very unusual idea of what constitutes friendship.


What's wrong with that? If a girl only contacts you to whine and never talk about anything else, you're her emotional tampon.

The few girls I'm really friends with, I treat no different than my male friends.

the problem is that you make it sound like it is common and clearly it is not. from your descriptions it is your expectations that seem to be "off", not the people who want to be your friends.


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Last edited by hyperlexian on 18 May 2012, 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 12:47 pm

BlueMax wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
I get the impression you really dislike men

i forgot to address this. HECK NO. men are people, and i love people in general very much. there are exceptions of all sorts that i don't get along with though.


Refuting sexism 'round these parts constitutes hating men.

Ironically misandrist, no?

Sexism works two ways. I've been "encouraged to quit" from an all-female office just because the new boss hates men, I've been bullied ONLY by female office managers and unhelped by female HR staff, my kids stolen from me by an all-female court system that actively made man-jokes at my expense... all due to the automatic assumption of "power to women" means "all men are evil and must be destroyed or controlled".

I'm all for equality but I'm getting tired of the abuses being dished out. Just because women were treated poorly in the past doesn't give them the right to be abusive now, just as white people should not be made slaves just because of what some did to black people long ago.

Evil is evil. Period.

oh, i see. you disagree with what i am saying on the forums because of your personal experiences, so that translates to me supposedly being a biased moderator and making inaccurate statements. gotcha. :lol:


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BlueMax
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18 May 2012, 1:57 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
oh, i see. you disagree with what i am saying on the forums because of your personal experiences, so that translates to me supposedly being a biased moderator and making inaccurate statements. gotcha. :lol:


No - and twisting my words around to vindicate yourself is still bullying.



hyperlexian
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18 May 2012, 2:00 pm

BlueMax wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
oh, i see. you disagree with what i am saying on the forums because of your personal experiences, so that translates to me supposedly being a biased moderator and making inaccurate statements. gotcha. :lol:


No - and twisting my words around to vindicate yourself is still bullying.

so it was me that came into this thread for the sole purpose of tearing down another member? erm no. that was you.

not twisting your words. feel free to try to clarify your original post, because as it stands right now you drew an unfounded conclusion and made an unfair statement.


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ValentineWiggin
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18 May 2012, 4:48 pm

Yeah, I really don't see how people can accuse others of sexism and then with a straight face refuse to say..urm...why?
Give examples?

If someone's sexist, let's SEE IT!

Personally, I don't think responding to categorical declarations with "Lulz bullsh*t"
(which, though she phrases it with much more thought and evidence and tact due to being nice, is pretty much what Lex does)
constitutes sexism, but maybe I'm not seeing something else she's said.

Takers?


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18 May 2012, 5:13 pm

Lol, when threads derail off topic and turn into mini-flame wars.

Especially on large topics.