Omg WOW, really, what were the odds of that?!

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Thanks Aislinn

nahh, he doesn't even have a high horse.
it's really more like a miniature pony of jaded delusion .

that of an optimistic realist ?

Oh, & thanks tex

[removed by lau]

Thanks, Glamour. Big difference between talking to someone online (that you've never met before) and talking in person. If the OP is happy that he met (what he thinks and hopes) is a hot aspie girl online and is happy with having an internet girlfriend, I guess it's his business, not mine, but make no mistake that his intention was to say "Look I found a hot aspie girl online." If she looked like Rosie O Donnell, he probably wouldn't have made this post.

And I think if he met a hot aspie IRL, or met her on the internet more locally and already met up with her for verificiation, no one other than LM would be criticizing him. I know I wouldn't, even if he was bragging.

My problem was, and is, that he's seeking approval for something that to most people isn't anything to brag about....an internet girlfriend. And until he goes cross-country and meets her and they talk and he finds out she is who she said she was (not just lookswise), it's just an internet girlfriend.

I hate that people on here coddle people and tell them what they want to hear. Aren't us Aspies brutally honest?

I'm not going to deny that there's girls that want aspie boys. The problem is that not all aspies are created equal, and definitely don't get equal treatment in early life. I'm pretty sure girls dont go for people like me: someone who was constantly bullied throughout grade school and manipulated in high school until there was barely a shadow of a soul left. Loner has probably been subjected to this as well, though i can't say for sure. I'm sure any woman with a straight mind, given a choice of me or your boyfriend, would pick your boyfriend.


Nevertheless, I can feel his pain when I see other people posting about how good their life is, because to someone who has never felt what it was like for life to be good, seeing other people elevated can only feel more painful.

I'm not saying you should stop posting about it, but just realize that it can make others feel bad...

No question, the success and happiness of others can be a cause of resentment or unhappiness among those who do not share in it.

But my question for those of you who are put out by Seanmw's post, do your replies make you feel better? Is it helpful for you to undercut other people's happiness? It seems to me that it would be a better use of bandwidth to post to the Haven and find some support, rather than detract from someone else.

As for the distinction between an internet relationship and a "real life" relationship, I think that there is a pretty arbitrary set of distinctions getting erected here. A relationship is a relationship, whether on the internet, as penpals, or as friends. It is not for observers on the sidelines to call into question the satisfaction that two people receive from their relationship, regardless of its form.

For what it's worth, Seanmw, congratulations, and best wishes to both of you.

Most of the people on here that have criticized him aren't jealous or bitter or have depression problems...like I said, we just aren't hear to coddle people. If he met this girl in real life, I would have just read the post and moved on. But when he feels the need to say "15 days and counting" (obviously trying to brag even if he doesn't realize what he's doing) I'm going to speak my mind and say that it isn't a real relationship. I could go in a chat room right now, ask some 40 year old guy pretending to be a 20 year old woman "Will you be my girlfriend?"...does that mean people on here would say "Congrats, you found the one!" I hope not. I hope people would tell me "It's your life, but think twice about who you call a girlfriend."

range you should change your profile "location" to "NOT AT SPIKE'S HOUSE"

For real though, let the kid do his thing. I am not taking a position on the matter aside from the general one that online dating sucks, but he may have far greater "evidence" that this is the real deal than we are aware, and it would not necessarily be in his best interests to post it or talk about it online. If he spoke up saying "wait there's more, I can' t post it but trust me!" people would either say "BS", or complain that he was bragging.

However I personally have seen nothing that says with 100% certainty that the "Spike factor" is no longer in play here

Also, I guarantee that with someone who started dating someone face to face, as opposed to online, it would be equally annoying to many if that person bumped a thread called I LOVE MY GIRL/BOY FRIEND every three days to post minute variations on just that, "I love my girl/boyfriend".

seanmw is a 19 year old kid. During this experience he will a.) experience a period of happiness, and b.) learn at least one valuable lesson, whether the end result is very good or very bad. These are both good things for a 19 year old kid to experience, so I support the endeavor fully.

It depends on whether the detractor's primary goal really is to undercut seanmw's happiness, or if that's merely the byproduct. Yes there are some who complain to try to make a person feel like trash, but there are others who are also providing ample warnings to seanmw that it is possible that this relationship will for whatever reason at all not work out. The OP has been all full of bubbly happiness, and that's fine and dandy and he has my congrats, but don't dismiss those who warn you as simply jealous or sadistic or anything like that. It's an internet relationship, and as has been mentioned in the past, that relationship has the potential to change very significantly once that relationship becomes a face-to-face one. The OP is also very young, so who knows how this relationship will work out? Seanmw, you're definitely optimistic, but realist? That remains to be seen, I think. No matter how the relationship turns out, it'll be a definite learning experience.

Definitely agree with amazon_television, although I don't get the "Spike" references.

Because range responded like 7 times in this thread saying the girlfriend was actually a 40 year old dude named spike

oh the one time I skip a couple pages of a thread and look what happens...

Thanks for the clarification!

You presume my boyfriend didn't go through all that as well. I've been through that too. I'd be surprised to find an aspie who hasn't been bullied in school. You just have to be more resilient and get back out there, even if it means you have to take some happy pills or something.

[removed by lau]

Actually the focus of my announcement wasn't that she's hot. That was sorta an added after-thought .
I was focusing more on just how totally unlikely it is to meet someone online, with pretty much the exact same interests, same age, even same favorite color, find out you both like each other without any party intentionally seeking the other out, decide to start dating, and then only afterwards have each find out the other is an aspie, etc. *shrug*

And also, wasn't really seeking approval. Was simply venting good news .
I could care less whether anyone "approves" it, but i was feeling downright excited at the time and couldn't contain myself really, so i felt i had to tell somebody.
& considering the time of night we started dating (because my few friends in RL would've been asleep), & how the whole thing pertained to aspies, i decided to post it on an all-aspie forum. Namely here.

Ehhh, sorta goes both ways. Like seeing other people moping about and putting themselves down is downright depressing.

On the flip-side of your argument though, hearing about a good turn of events in someone's life can be inspiring *shrug*. Really just varies from person to person i guess.

I can feel his pain on some levels as well. & i sympathize.
Doesn't mean i agree with him though. & his views rather upset me.
Especially regarding his absurd reasoning that what's true for himself as an aspie absolutely must be true for everyone else. I've seen other aspies as negative as him on this forum, sure. But none so flagrantly inconsiderate in their expression, and of their long-term effects on the emotional health of those around them.

i sympathize, but i do not condone.

but neither do i condemn. He has as much right to speak on here as any other, i acknowledge that. In my country we believe strongly in free speech.

Thanks for the support visagrunt

wasn't so much bragging as proving Lonermutant wrong.
he had a reply betting i'd be back here decrying how heartbroken i was merely a few days later.
i resented that. i was trying to make a point to a particular person, not show off to the masses.