Anyone here afraid they will never get a girlfriend?

Post Reply New Topic

Had one, didnt turn out well.

Tried dating on and off over the years, but i guess i'm not built for relationships. It could work with an Aspie girl, but not with an NT since they have so many fixed and predetermined ideas on what a relationship is supposed to be about.

I'd rather be with an NT than another Aspie. I've always associated more with NTs in order to avoid the stigma that comes with being an Aspie. If I could make myself NT with a snap of my fingers, I would.

EDIT: Sorry for the triple-post; my computer was being a real dick.

never have never will

Oops. I suggested that another student of mine check out WP without realizing that bigz was still logged in. So that was someone else, who might introduce himself soon.

I knew a girl online like 7 years ago but we wer incomparable for each other. I've been wanting a girl-friend sense then but I've had no luck at all. I've tried asking out women I knew offline but I've gotten rejected every single time & a couple times wer extremely humiliating. I have no way to meet women except online at the moment unless I try asking strangers out. I've tried numerous dating sites & other comuniteis & I've had no luck on em either. I did however chat with lots of guys who wer also having no luck. Some of those guys have lots more tings going for em than me & they cant even find a relationship so it seems like I have little chance. I really want to find someone who can accept & love me but that seems impossible

Beyond being able to quickly convey sexual confidence and being a friendly guy, I have no idea how to make connections with women. I can have a sexuality driven conversation with one, but that's easy and not the substance a relationship is built on.

I am afraid of that. I can't even make friends, so finding a girlfriend is virtually impossible & may never happen, I fear.

You're fearing that nothing will happen?

I think it will take some attitude adjustments, because a perpetual expectation of nothing will probably continue to yield these non-results until you stop fearing it.

If the non-girlfriend thing is as bound to happen as you expect it is, then don't even think about it! If it's as much a non-part of your plans as you anticipate, focus out of that and find other things that yield pleasure and wonderment.

That will be the first step...

I've known other guys who have adopted this way of thinking. The only problem is that it never works. Ever. Unless you are some kind of rock star, or are just naturally incredibly handsome and suave.

Almost all the girls I know in college and grad school, no matter what walk of life they are from - cheerleader, sorority girl, punk rocker, hippie, smart artistic type - are naturally inclined (or just socially conditioned) to wait for the guy to make the first move, and proceed from that point. Although this may be unfair to guys who want girls to make the first move, outside of the few instances where I've seen a girl make half-joking drunk advances on some guy at a party or a club (and even these have been made mostly in jest, rather than out of a serious urge to go home with that particular guy), waiting for the girl to make the first move is a policy that has done a lot more harm than good.

I've known guys who have literally sat next to a pretty girl in class for month after month and never made a move (or even spoken to) the girl sitting next to them out of shyness or insecurity, only to find out months later down the road that the girl was actually interested in them and would have wanted to get to know them better, if only they would have opened their mouth and talked to her. But by the point where they finally have that one moment of dawning clarity, all they have left is wasted moments and missed opportunities, and the girl is long gone. So an opportunity that might have changed their entire lives is thrown away, and they wind up alone once more.

Even good looking guys who have no problems getting girls rarely resort to the "wait for her to make the move" approach. They get girlfriends just like anybody else - talking to a girl, making friends with her first, and then maybe developing the relationship into something else. I've never seen a guy, no matter how handsome or macho or badass, have much success with the policy of waiting around for a girl to make the initial approach.

Even if you dislike it, you have to just keep trying. Resorting to the approach of "I'll just enjoy my hobbies until a woman approaches me of her own volition" is synonymous with choosing to intentionally live life celibate and alone.

As for films becoming your "love" in life - it's awesome that you enjoy filmaking, and I applaud you for it. However, filmaking, along with the other things you mentioned (math, science, engineering, etc.) can never be the object of "love" in the way that another human being can. Don't get me wrong - involvement in the arts and sciences is a wonderful thing. However, you can't reach out and touch the soft skin of a film, run your fingers through its hair, or sleep next to it in bed at night (unless you put your DVDs in bed with you). Loving films is awesome, but don't let it replace the irreplaceable.

I find it very hard to "pull" them and near impossible to find someone willing to accept me for who I am. I can't cease being amazed I have about 5 ex-girlfriends and ended up with one for 6 years (even though it was a pretty crappy relationship).

I have an interesting annecdote related to this...

I more concerned with ever discovering a deep enough reason to have one.

Call yourself lucky

I don't like saying I'm afraid of things but I worry about this often. I'm working through it though and I can tell I'm not entirely standing still so there's enough hope that I can go through most of the day without it bringing me down. I'll keep working on it and maybe work out how to reach my potential eventually, or at the very least find someone desperate who'd rather be with me than alone. I think I can do better but that abysmal future I worry about isn't realistic so no matter what happens I will be better off than that.

Gentleman, there's hope. I would like to have an Aspie boyfriend.

Some girls are looking for a very bright man with a phenomenal amount of knowledge. If the two are passionnate about the same field of interest, they can meet up and have some fun.

Girls are also looking for honest and loyal men as Aspies are.

I know Aspies who are tender and affectuous, which most of women are looking for. Unfortunately, some have a hard time touching people, and that's sad because most of the girls I know (NTs and Aspies) prefer softness.

I hope you'll find someone one day.

Élodie

Even if there are women that are like this (and I'm not ruling that out entirely), there's still the fact that I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it. It doesn't matter if a woman likes that I'm knowledgeable or tender or if I made a 6-figure salary, I'm just too afraid to do anything...