To the men: What us women face.

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What don't you agree with?

All I meant was people aren't generally attracted to grumps on first sight. If a girl you just met was really rude to you because she had PMS would you find that attractive? That's what I mean.

You may not have read my post properly, because I said that people should NOT feel they have to be happy all the time in a serious relationship.

Here is a couple of things that both men and women can do to improve their chances of finding a suitable partner:

*If you are the shy/timid type, try improving your social skills, and be more talkative. It doesn't matter what weird hobbies you are into, there are always people out there that like the same things as you do. The problem is, if you don't talk to anyone, or put yourself out there a little bit, nobody will ever know these things about you.

*Do what you love. Not only will this make you happier (and more attractive to the opposite sex), it will make it easier to meet people that share the same interests.

*Be honest with yourself and others. If you pretend to be someone your not, then your not gonna find someone that is truly compatible with you.

*Don't always wait around and expect the other person to ask you out. This goes for men and women.

*Negative thinking won't get you anywhere. If you are sitting around every night, whining about how you will never find anyone, you probably won't.

*Stop searching for that ideal person. Focus on improving yourself, and doing what you love. You usually find someone when you aren't looking for them and when you least expect it.

Agree. I had missed out opportunities in high school because of this. Recently a guy liked me and I wasn't that interested, and I started developing a crush for him, I went up to him and told him my feelings, because it would be unlikely that he could just "pick that up".

I think it would depend on if I knew why she was upset. I would be sympathetic for a rezone like that.



Sorry about that. Lots of people keep insisting that I need to be happy in order to find someone & that is what I do not agree with. Given a choice I would rather depressed/negative/cynical/pessimistic people. Happy people pressure me to be happy like them & I think some happy people can be very unrealistic sometimes. When there is a major problem in someone's life(like a person just got fired or had a death in the family) & the person is happy; I tend to think the person if delusional or on something.
Sometimes people are down because others can not understand & accept the person as they are. Sometimes two negative people can help each other out & become happy together because there is no pressure for em to fake being happy. I think people should be allowed to express their true feelings without fear or ridicule/rejection ect

Yeah, this is an area that frankly sucks for everyone - and its like what some people would say about people without problems, the only ones who don't seem to have them are the ones I don't know.

I don't know what it is for certain, whether guys are just more vocal about it and if so why. Its hard for anyone with those ambitions or a sense of life needing that to watch that sector of their life crumble in a way that's beyond their control. My heart does go out to everyone who's on that page.

yeah, i think you nailed it. it's tough to be happy if you have to try to be something you aren't. so i stand by my advice to everyone: be yourself.

(this doesn't mean sit around and wait for someone to fall out of the sky. it just means go out there & make an effort, but do it in a way that feels authentic.)

exactly
Years ago I was really upset/frustrated/angry ect about everything in life & I found someone when I was ranting about it. I was not even looking for anyone at the time either. She was going true a lot of stuff as well but after we wer friends a bit; we wer both much happier because we each had someone who cared & could understand somewhat. Things fell apart latter thou because neither one of us was mature enough to handle things. My experience contradicts some or maybe a lot of the advice I've been getting here & other places witch is why I do not agree with it.

I keep reading nick007's posts in a certain gravelly voice.

Same here, but I like what he has to say.

It makes a lot of sense. The problem is raw numbers. Of course, with significant percentages of the U.S. population suffering from some form of depression, combined with god knows how many cynics, I wouldn't doubt its use.

Well, I can tell you that I do not look only at supermodels, I look at lots of different kinds of women. How I look at it, what women don't get is that for a significant number of us men, women are almost like ice cream flavors--we want to try different types (sexually and/or romantically speaking). Unfortunately, most women seem to utterly lack this "setting" in their brains. The only relationship type they can conceive of is one in which each partner holds the other above all of the other possible partners, if not as the hottest then just as the all-around favorite, but favorite nonetheless.

I guess I can only speak for myself here, but I'd say that most guys would prefer if the world of sexual relationships were less about making choices that exclude people, and more about exploring being with various people. But women expect us to treat them as if they were uniquely special--and yet it's not OK to use the old elementary-school way of finding something special to appreciate in many different women (which there often is, as long as the other person is not too conformist and ordinary), because God forbid they get the idea we like someone else as well. Yet then women find it hard to understand why, being asked to hold one woman above the rest, we go for the ones who are best at projecting absolute perfection.

So maybe it is true that more men than women pass up those who are average (though I think women do their share of this as well), but it's also true that us men don't expect every woman we do anything sexual or otherwise non-platonic with to act like we mean the world to them.

maybe women know this about men, and think it's shallow and disgusting.

See, I totally don't get what's shallow or disgusting about that. And, perhaps more importantly, would women also find it shallow and disgusting if someone (guy or girl) looked at friends that way, i.e. said "I like to have friends of a variety of different personality types, because I find it interesting to meet more than one kind of person"?

There isn't anything shallow about experimenting with different types of people. How would you know what you like then?

I've only recently been with a man very far from my "ideal" and I liked him a lot.
imo its shallow and narrow minded to stick with the same type.

i meant it was shallow to think of women (sexually) like ice cream, as if they can be plucked off a shelf and tasted without regard to their feelings or needs in re the situation.

perhaps "selfish" would have been a better word.

to clarify, i certainly am in favor of getting to know different types of people en route to discovering what works for you.

I'm a man, so if I say something stupid feel free to correct me.

It's not the same thing. When you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, potentially you will end up marrying them. Fundamentally at least, that is what dating is all about. Not holding them above every other potential mate implies that:

1) you'd rather have a polygamous relationship;
2) you aren't entirely happy about having them as the sole partner in life;
3) romantically, you aren't that interested in them.

There is nothing wrong with dating different women - you're unlikely to find the right person first time anyway - but many of them will find the idea of not being Number One while you are dating them quite offensive.

i think the word you're looking for is "polyamorous" not "polygamous" .. point well made though.

also i must confess the ice cream post hit a nerve for me b/c of recent personal experience, so maybe i didn't read it objectively. but if someone is considered a "practice relationship" or you are just looking for variety, that should be made abundantly clear.