How not to come across as creepy.

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emuman100
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08 Apr 2011, 2:15 pm

Bethie wrote:

Then a few misogynist losers like to run with the fact that that number isn't zero,
and declare that all women are masochists.

I have never heard of those words before. I'm sure they mean something, but I have no idea what. This thread is starting to become way to complicated for limited understanding on this kind of stuff. To balance it out, maybe I'll start describing the flow of heat in a vapor compression refrigeration cycle. That's a sure way to attract a women.

Anyway, I have found that there are some girls who find quiet guys creepy, or guys who don't show confidence creepy. You try and talk to them, stammer your words, look at the ground, your body filled with anxiety, and they dismiss you as a ret*d creep trying to get laid. But, those kinds of girls are not worth your time.

For the ones that are, I think the best thing to do is to be polite, kind, courteous, and be genuine. Be yourself. If they won't accept you for the person you are when you first talk to them, they never will, and you should just move on. I had success with this. Though there are times when anxiety really overcomes me and I freeze up, get quiet, don't know what to say, stammer my words, and look at the ground. Some women are really sweet and understand, others couldn't be bothered. I usually just stick to being myself, being a good person, and I think for the women who would appreciate that, you can be quite successful.

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deadeyexx
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08 Apr 2011, 2:27 pm

Bethie wrote:

deadeyexx wrote:

What if you stood a chance to earn 1 million dollars if you could get the nerdiest guy you've even seen laid in a week by an attracted woman (no hookers). He had to do everything you said in order to make this happen. Would you instruct him to be himself, or would you throw politeness out the window and force dramatic changes?

If it were me, you wouldn't even recognize him by the end of that week.

If it were me, you can keep the million dollars.
I'm not about to train some guy to be a jerk to attract the 1% of women who would tolerate a jerk.

You're missing the point.

Don't train him to act like a jerk. Train him to be the kind of man you'd be attracted to. Extend the time to two weeks; a month. Make it about getting a commited girlfriend.

Anything where he has to achieve something he'd be incapable to do in the beginning.

Would you still tell him to be himself? Would you really be so confident that's the best advice you'd risk a million dollars? How about a billion?

Bethie
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08 Apr 2011, 2:37 pm

nick007 wrote:

You say most women do not like jerks but more than a few women go for that. I do not understand how you can argue differently when you are not backing your OPINION up. What I have seen is quiet different than what you are CLAIMING.
It's possible guys are acting like nasty misogynist, because that's what some women go for. Some guys only get friend-zoned by being nice

That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

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Bethie
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08 Apr 2011, 2:39 pm

deadeyexx wrote:

Don't train him to act like a jerk. Train him to be the kind of man you'd be attracted to. Extend the time to two weeks; a month. Make it about getting a commited girlfriend.

Anything where he has to achieve something he'd be incapable to do in the beginning.

Would you still tell him to be himself? Would you really be so confident that's the best advice you'd risk a million dollars? How about a billion?

I'm not attracted to men who have to put on an act or be "trained". I'm not interested in anything but nice.

Women are individuals with unique interests and preferences- acting any one way doesn't de facto attract them.

Pretending they're all interchangeable is the hallmark of someone who really isn't interested in reciprocity, merely 'getting' a woman, for whatever purpose.

Last edited by Bethie on 08 Apr 2011, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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08 Apr 2011, 2:43 pm

Nick, Did you ever stop to consider that it might not be the "jerk" part of these guys that the women in question are attracted to? Because I'm pretty sure most people don't get off/enjoy being treated like crap.

Yeah, maybe some of them might like jerks. But I highly doubt it's because they're jerks.

emlion
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08 Apr 2011, 2:44 pm

jerk is often a side effect of confidence.

nick007
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08 Apr 2011, 2:44 pm

Bethie wrote:

nick007 wrote:

That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

umm OK. I give a lot more weight to past experiences instead of believing what others tell me at blind faith. I think we are going to have to agree to disagree

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Bethie
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08 Apr 2011, 2:46 pm

emuman100 wrote:

Anyway, I have found that there are some girls who find quiet guys creepy, or guys who don't show confidence creepy. You try and talk to them, stammer your words, look at the ground, your body filled with anxiety, and they dismiss you as a ret*d creep trying to get laid. But, those kinds of girls are not worth your time.

For the ones that are, I think the best thing to do is to be polite, kind, courteous, and be genuine. Be yourself. If they won't accept you for the person you are when you first talk to them, they never will, and you should just move on. I had success with this. Though there are times when anxiety really overcomes me and I freeze up, get quiet, don't know what to say, stammer my words, and look at the ground. Some women are really sweet and understand, others couldn't be bothered. I usually just stick to being myself, being a good person, and I think for the women who would appreciate that, you can be quite successful.

Exactly.

hale_bopp
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08 Apr 2011, 2:46 pm

Also, there are even less women who like "nasty misogynist"s and as they also have no positive qualities so they get no-one.

Jerks at least have one positive quality, confidence.

Bethie
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08 Apr 2011, 2:48 pm

nick007 wrote:

Bethie wrote:

nick007 wrote:

That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

umm OK. I give a lot more weight to past experiences instead of believing what others tell me at blind faith. I think we are going to have to agree to disagree

So do I.

When you have some objective evidence women are somehow wholly unique in all of the animal kingdom in that they enjoy abuse and suffering, then all this treat-women-like-crap-and-they'll-flock-to-you BS will be something more than laughable.

Janissy
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08 Apr 2011, 2:50 pm

deadeyexx wrote:

Bethie wrote:

deadeyexx wrote:

If it were me, you can keep the million dollars.
I'm not about to train some guy to be a jerk to attract the 1% of women who would tolerate a jerk.

Playing Pygmalion is an an exciting challenge. (To be perfectly honest, it's a big draw that keeps me coming back to the Love and Dating board, not that I'm very good at it, and I bet I'm not the only one.) If I were to accept this challenge in real life (where it might actually be possible), I would certainly neither tell him to "be yourself" nor "be a jerk". What I would say would depend entirely on what I saw.

You can't really do this online. I think one of the reasons our group eforts at playing Pygmalion are doomed (since I'm not the only one who does this- although I do it fiercely) is because what somebody says is not going to be a wholly accurate representation of what is actually happening. You really need to see interactions live to know what's really going on and what the problems are. But on here things that are very complex get simplified into Nice/Jerk which is a meaningless dichotomy. It is frustrating because I have this gut feeling that if I could actually see person A interact with person B, specific remedy actions would be easy to come up with- and I seriously doubt either of those actions would be "be yourself" or "be a jerk".

Bethie
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08 Apr 2011, 2:50 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Also, there are even less women who like "nasty misogynist"s and as they also have no positive qualities so they get no-one.

Jerks at least have one positive quality, confidence.

Pretty much. Correlation isn't causation. If women are often found with jerks (if) it might be because jerks at least approach them,
as opposed to seething in the corner in resentment because they're convinced not being liked by women makes them "nice".

That doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of people would prefer to be with someone who isn't nasty to them.

Janissy
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08 Apr 2011, 2:53 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Jerks at least have one positive quality, confidence.

"Jerks" also might not actually be jerks. I sometimes think that is used as a sour grapes label and "jerk" just means "guy who is not me".

hale_bopp
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08 Apr 2011, 2:54 pm

Bethie wrote:

seething in the corner in resentment because they're convinced not being liked by women makes them "nice".

Perfect summary. Most of the "nice guys" are just jerks with no positive qualities. See, women aren't attracted to jerks.

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08 Apr 2011, 2:55 pm

emlion wrote:

jerk is often a side effect of confidence.

I agree with that statement a lot

emlion
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08 Apr 2011, 2:56 pm

Joker wrote:

emlion wrote:

jerk is often a side effect of confidence.

I agree with that statement a lot

it doesn't have to be though.
i prefer the quietly confident type.
not the as*hole confident type. *shiver*

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