10 Sep 2010, 12:09 pm
hyperlexian wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
As I have learned, most younger women expect their guys to look super looking with lots of money and a fancy car. They like to milk it for all it is worth.
That is the biggest misconception in the world and it disheartens me to think how many men and women are single because he automatically assumed she wouldn't find him attractive or wouldn't date him because he made $10/hour.
Men believe that all women want a rich playgirl model because they think that women have the same list of priorities as men. Men place looks at the top of their list of priorities for a dating partner, and assume women do the same...but they do not. Men tend measure their success in life by financial achievement, and assume women measure them by much the same...which they don't.
You might be surprised by this but for a long term relationship, a lot of woman will choose the average looking guy over the super hot model because women figure that super hot guys know they are super hot, and so will be more likely to cheat.
As for money...sure it's nice to marry someone who is financially stable. If she wants a family and to be a full time homemaker, staying home taking care of the kids, the house, and her husband, then yes, he is going to have to be able to support that financially, but not all women want that.
Most woman would choose personality over money. There's nothing more unattractive than a conceded, rich @$$hole....and usually those types of men get conceded, gold digging b!tches as jerk of the year trophies.
If you ask a young woman what she wants in a guy today she'll probably tell you two things "cute" by her standards, and "funny" and she is being honest about it.
Now in the past, when men were expected to be the bread winners and women were expected to stay home and that was all there was too it, how much a man made was considered far more important and if you read personal adds from the beginning of the 20th century most of them say something like "Fair young woman of good address seeks well of young man from like."
Women care much less today about how much he makes.
I think my nice (truly a nice guy), giving (he cooked professionally and now brings in nice snacks for all of us routinely without any desire for recompense - there's your selfless giving, Hope Grows!) coworker would beg to differ RE: the financial argument above. He's been averaging about $20-30k per year, is in his mid 30s, and only now finally broke into the $40k range, which still is barely anything for Los Angeles.
He's been single for.... Well, I'm afraid to ask, but I think it's either been his whole life or most of it. He's not tall, he's not particularly handsome, and while he is very nice, very giving, and always going out of his way to be friendly and help people, I see woman after woman brush him off. It's really discouraging, and I can't help but feel really bad for him -- he's not doing anything wrong, and if anything, he's doing exactly what a lot of people say.
My conclusions -- he's not tall enough (a factor that is important, as much as no one here wants to admit it), he's not handsome enough, and most importantly, he's not wealthy enough to land anyone of quality who wants a family. It's really a shame, because he really likes kids and would probably make a great parent, having learned some hard life lessons in an abusive household as a kid.
which of the reasons are you attributing his lack of success to? lack of money? average looks? or the combination of both?
LA is kind of known for being shallow. perhaps he could relocate to a place that is less judgemental? i don't think that this man's lack of success means that all women look for those two things in a man. just that those women might have.
You are right that location could be a big factor here, but since he is an ethnic minority (Pilipino), this city is one of the areas where he has the best chance to either marry someone of his own race (which he is on the fence about) or a woman who is agreeable to marrying an ethnic husband. This isn't to denigrate other areas that are less diverse, but one would expect more open minds about that topic out here on the West Coast.
Other than that, combination of height/looks and low earnings. Even with the "liberated woman" mindset, most women here want (and pretty much need, given expenses here) their man to make more than them. And most women don't like to date shorter than themselves.
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women
And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.
10 Sep 2010, 2:10 pm
10 Sep 2010, 3:29 pm
billsmithglendale wrote:
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.
And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.I wondering what actually happens in these interactions with women who brush him off? All you have to do is get a woman to freely talk and smile. If you can, then you're immediately past the point of being "brushed off". Your looks or money shouldn't make much of a difference there.
Maybe he comes on too strong. I've seen 70 year old men chat up young women at the bar. Would she go out with him? very doubtful. But he's definately not treated as a nobody.
10 Sep 2010, 4:25 pm
deadeyexx wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.
And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.I wondering what actually happens in these interactions with women who brush him off? All you have to do is get a woman to freely talk and smile. If you can, then you're immediately past the point of being "brushed off". Your looks or money shouldn't make much of a difference there.
Maybe he comes on too strong. I've seen 70 year old men chat up young women at the bar. Would she go out with him? very doubtful. But he's definately not treated as a nobody.
That's the thing -- he's really not doing anything that other guys don't do. He doesn't come on too strong most of the time (ok, maybe he pushes it a little, but he's definitely not sleazy) -- I've done a lot worse and gotten away with a lot more but (being humble here
) I'm taller and better-looking.
Maybe it's just that it's the work environment, but a lot of these women are very cold to him. Not cold like rejecting him, but cold like he's a nobody or some fly they don't even want to bother swatting. He'll say hi in a very sincere, friendly, non-creepy way, and they'll just blow by and barely give him any notice. I've actually started being cold on his behalf to some of these women, the ones he doesn't have the confidence to give the silent treatment to (believe it that this does work with someone who is taking you for granted).
10 Sep 2010, 5:01 pm
billsmithglendale wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.
And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.I wondering what actually happens in these interactions with women who brush him off? All you have to do is get a woman to freely talk and smile. If you can, then you're immediately past the point of being "brushed off". Your looks or money shouldn't make much of a difference there.
Maybe he comes on too strong. I've seen 70 year old men chat up young women at the bar. Would she go out with him? very doubtful. But he's definately not treated as a nobody.
That's the thing -- he's really not doing anything that other guys don't do. He doesn't come on too strong most of the time (ok, maybe he pushes it a little, but he's definitely not sleazy) -- I've done a lot worse and gotten away with a lot more but (being humble here
) I'm taller and better-looking.Maybe it's just that it's the work environment, but a lot of these women are very cold to him. Not cold like rejecting him, but cold like he's a nobody or some fly they don't even want to bother swatting. He'll say hi in a very sincere, friendly, non-creepy way, and they'll just blow by and barely give him any notice. I've actually started being cold on his behalf to some of these women, the ones he doesn't have the confidence to give the silent treatment to (believe it that this does work with someone who is taking you for granted).
It's mean to just ignore him like he doesn't even exist. But why discount the woman who didn't ignore him? You saw a Filipina woman give him extra smiles but then discounted that with the assumption that she would "reel that in" if she knew more about his financial situation? But how do you know she would? "Women" as a whole haven't rejected him. A certain subgroup has. So he should step away from that subgroup and go for the women who do react positively to him, as you saw one do. You say he's on the fence about dating within his ethnicity. Maybe he should get off the fence since it seems that it is Filipinas who do in fact find him attractive.
10 Sep 2010, 5:28 pm
billsmithglendale wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.
And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.I wondering what actually happens in these interactions with women who brush him off? All you have to do is get a woman to freely talk and smile. If you can, then you're immediately past the point of being "brushed off". Your looks or money shouldn't make much of a difference there.
Maybe he comes on too strong. I've seen 70 year old men chat up young women at the bar. Would she go out with him? very doubtful. But he's definately not treated as a nobody.
That's the thing -- he's really not doing anything that other guys don't do. He doesn't come on too strong most of the time (ok, maybe he pushes it a little, but he's definitely not sleazy) -- I've done a lot worse and gotten away with a lot more but (being humble here
) I'm taller and better-looking.Maybe it's just that it's the work environment, but a lot of these women are very cold to him. Not cold like rejecting him, but cold like he's a nobody or some fly they don't even want to bother swatting. He'll say hi in a very sincere, friendly, non-creepy way, and they'll just blow by and barely give him any notice. I've actually started being cold on his behalf to some of these women, the ones he doesn't have the confidence to give the silent treatment to (believe it that this does work with someone who is taking you for granted).
but maybe you could ask one of those girl's perspective, or a female friend? because you are viewing the situation through the eyes of a man, and would not see things like a woman would. you have no idea if he is creeping them out in some way unless you get a different perspective.
10 Sep 2010, 7:49 pm
11 Sep 2010, 2:48 am
11 Sep 2010, 5:07 am
11 Sep 2010, 5:39 am
11 Sep 2010, 11:22 am
11 Sep 2010, 1:09 pm
11 Sep 2010, 1:15 pm
12 Sep 2010, 8:56 am
12 Sep 2010, 10:17 am
12 Sep 2010, 10:51 am
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