Dating profile, part 2

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Jono,

I think you should keep in the details about your PHD. Your academic achievements say a lot about you - you are intelligent, educated, and you have tenacity relative to accomplishing your goals. In my book, these are great qualities. Let's face it, your profile write up is not going to garner interest from a woman looking for a long-haired, bass guitar player in a heavy metal rock band - because that is not who you are. In my estimation, chances you will attract women looking for highly educated, intelligent, academic types who are not social butterflies.

End of the day, to thine own self be true. You are who you are and please take pride in yourself!

HR

Ms Hyperlexian,

You give very good advice. I like reading your posts!

Thanks!

Leslie

Great winning attitude Jono! The crux of the matter is you are trying to achieve your goal which is admirable. It sure beats the alternative of not trying but being sad that you are alone!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

HR

Boo,

With all due respect, why do you have to be negative about Jono's attempts at finding a mate via OKCupid? Personally, I respect and admire him for having the fortitude to put himself out there (safely of course). In all likelihood, a viable romantic match is not just going to appear suddenly on his doorstep, so if he wants to date then he has to do the required work and effort to achieve his goal. Would you expect anything less from someone who is going after a PHD? Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

And just for the record, I am a lot older than Jono and I have no romantic interest in him. I am not a cougar. Although I am a HopefulRomantic and I applaud his efforts to seek romance!

HR

Dating sites are useless for the vast majority of men. Period.

He must know that.

Real life attempts would be far better than all of this. The pig pool thing was just a metaphor to tell him that real life attempts are more likely to succeed even in the worst conditions.

With all due respect, but that what the a lot older ladies usually do to the male youngsters here : giving them almost false hopes with their ideal advices and perception. The question is , would the 30-years-younger-version of you would date a such youngster or even care that much about the things that their 30-years-older-version is saying now? I highly doubt.

Boo,

Thank you for your reply.

In this this life we all have our chosen paradigms: one of mine is to encourage people because I believe that people get people through the best and worst of times.

Moreover, I believe in the concept of carpe diem - go for it. The last time I heard, life is not a dress rehearsal - you get one shot, so my chosen paradigm is to enjoy it to the fullest. In keeping with this attitude, when I encounter someone trying to achieve a goal (and all indications that they have the right stuff to achieve that goal) - yes I encourage them.

Growing up my Mom influenced me greatly. One of the primary lessons she taught me is that if you have something nice to say (with the caveat that you genuinely mean it and you have no ulterior motive that is self-serving), then say it. In my opinion, there is way too much negativity in the world - so why would I add to it by squelching someone's else's hopes and goals?

Perhaps, if you have seen the film Pay It Forward, you are familiar with the concept of just being nice to people just for the sake of being nice (again as long as you genuinely mean it and you have nothing to gain by doing so). For me, its analgous to the concept of practice random acts of kindness and beauty just for the heck of it.

Sometimes for just one brief shining moment, we can reach out to someone and brighten their day by just smiling and saying hello or just encouraging them. People have lifted me up when I was down; showed me kindness when I was depressed and encouraged me when I was embarking upon a new endeavor.

Lastly, I am a firm believer in going after one's dreams. For example, when I was 25 I moved 2,500 miles to Newport Beach, CA (2 miles from the beach) because I wanted to live in CA. My sister and brother-in-law lived in CA. so I had visited there numerous times before and I loved the place. I had the necessary education and skillsets so I could easily obtain employment sufficient to support myself.
And I had more fun than I could even begin to tell you. For example, I would get off work at 5PM on Friday, get in my Mazda Miata with my boyfriend and go to San Diego, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Las Vegas, and all over AZ, NM, in a weekend. Work hard, play hard!

Just my thoughts!

HR

Boo,

To every rule there is an exception. I know all about exceptions because I am a Certified Internal Auditor.

By the way, I have a real life exception for you about Internet dating sites: On a mainstream dating site, my last bf (who is an aspie) approached me (I am NT) and we dated and had a reasonably good relationship. The only reason we broke up was his intrusive stepdaugher's meddling (who has a 7 year old child) who was threatened by me because she and her child live with him. Her ex husband only works sporadically (doesn't even provide health insurance for the child) and pays minimal or no child support. In short, I was a threat to her financial security because she has a free ride living with her stepdad because she pays no bills (rent, utilities, food, etc.). In addition, she has a college degree and a full-time job which would enable her to support herself. But she doesn't want to support herself and her child because then she could not spend $700 on hair extensions and the latest beauty/fashion fads. When he told her he had fallen in love with me, she freaked out because she was afraid we would get serious and she would actually have to move out. Being that I live 140 miles away from him, have my own career, own my own house, her fears were ludicrous!

By the way, I did not know he had Asperger's until 2 months into the relationship because he did not tell me. And when I found out, I did not care because I loved him and we were compatible - actually the chemistry was electric and magnetic.

But I can't tolerate intrusive people meddling in my life (the Machiavellian stepdaughter) so I opted out! In my opinion, romantic relationships are between two people - not three!

HR

Ok-ay ......nice biography.

The point?

My pleasure. I loves to help.

Boo,

Nothing ventured, nothing gained - meaning Jono is making a concerted effort to achieve his goal knowing full well he might not achieve his desired end because he has strength, fortitude and sheer guts to try. The likelihood of achieving one's goals is greater when one actually tries. In the end, tenacity wins out.

HR

I wholeheartedly concur! It speaks volumes about your character Moog that you are encouraging to people just for the sake of being nice. I really like your posts as well because they do not smack of nihilism.

Thanks!

I am not telling him to not venture, I am telling to venture elsewhere and by other means, venturing where he's venturing now and the way he's trying to venture will do no good.

He's investing his time in the wrong place.

thank you so much!

It's not like he's wasting years of his life on this. It takes maybe half an hour to an hour or two to make a profile, and then a little time to scan for victims (:wink:) and maybe write some messages.

I think OK cupid is actually a fairly good venue for learning a little bit about relationships and people, in a particular context.

Ultimately I didn't find my one true love through it, but I learned a bit, and it was fun and interesting to play with for a while. I'm sure it's possible that some people do make long term relationships through it.