Intellectual compatibility = utimate AS hurdle in dating?

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^ My example was figurative , the self-brainwashing doesn't happen directly like that....
Best example of this kind of self-brainwashing is WP' s Autism section. "Autism = Good" as the WP's google title shows , and the loads of threads that promote how unique , evolved species and special aspies are ..... (I am sure you know what I mean). Good that lately some users are starting to resist that mentality here. Those aspies who regularly make such threads are victims of self-brainwashing and hence become more distant from people.





I am taking myself as an example + 99% of the people I know in real life. The 1% just to represents uncertainty about 1 or 2 persons I know.

It must have been a 20's thing. When I hit my 30's, I really didn't care if I fit in or not. However, in my (your?) 20's, you're seeking to find your place and a community with which you can fit - obviously didn't work. You're thinking "Hey, 145+ on the various IQ tests, MENSA must be the right spot for me." And they're right, there are people from all walks of life. The conversations are/were interesting but the "click" with the folks there wasn't there for me.



Exactly. That "click" of connection has only happened ONCE in my life. Everyone else either doesn't seem like they'll understand (you try and talk and share a little) or actually don't understand. Makes a tough and lonely world.



There are two sides to this thread

1. An AS person being unable to communicate their feelings to someone, someone they care deeply for and in effect hurting/pushing that individual away because of the coldness of the relationship.
2. A person unable to find what they need in a relationship (the AS person in particular) because of their "IQ" therefore being unable and unwilling to accept the relationship and feel that to accept the relationship is to "settle"

IMO, that is what makes it difficult. We may seperate ourselves from mates because we feel we don't need to give 100% because the person is not 100% of what we desire. However, because we lack practice in relationships, when that person does come into our lives, our lack of experience with how to deal with a relationship (including how to properly express yourself) comes into play and we lose the one who could have made us "whole".

This point has already been talked about, forget this.

If this were a wiki sight, you'd post a link to the relevant article. However this is a discussion forum and many people are loquacious. This gives old timers and new people a venue to rehash old topics under the guise of "its new to someone".

Don't like it - just hit the back button and let the folks who want to talk about it have a venue.

Many of the issues "on the internet" have been discussed to death. You can find discussions pertaining to any field archived somewhere - but that doesn't prevent someone from going and starting up the subject.

I wasn't being specific enough, you misunderstood me.

There wasn't any point for me to rehash things when they are explained better than my view.

^ and why you had the urge to talk in the first place?

from another thread:

have a nice forum day, sunflower.

^ ^ What is 'The Face of Boo', anyway? Is it like some sort of artefact or something?

Dr. Who reference I believe (new version) with the guy being basically immortal. It's a reference to where he grew up and he adopted the name.

I am facing this hurdle in the sense that my intellectual strengths may often seem very latent due to my lack of emotional maturity..I am currently taking a stab at dating a really very intelligent guy..He is more "NT" than me...He is college educated...whereas I could not hack it very well in college and did not do well...did not have any financial or peer support...etc....Was dealing with too many things and issues at the time...and well...I just didn't get very far....
Anyway..I have also had this weird isolated existence that sorta has left me out of touch with a lot of stuff....He is more NT than I am....AND more intelligent in ways where I have difficulty....etc....He is way more "culturally savvy"...and it just sorta makes me hyper-aware of my shortcomings and dysfunctions in a lot of areas...

It causes me a lot of anxiety...even though I do like him...and we get along...and I enjoy his company...and I assume that enjoys mine as he has to sorta go out of his way to spent time with me and he does...He even used the "L" word on me...(which caused me a buncha gnarly emotional hangups)...I have had people use that word on me and not mean it...or regret it and I had a dream shortly thereafter in which he detracted the statement...

For what it's worth, take it easy and keep going, I think. He obviously likes you for you, and is probably quite aware that you have your differences. It's probably what makes you interesting

i don't see it that way at all.

there are no feelings for me without some sort of intellectual compatibility, and it's been said before in this thread but i will reiterate: that isn't about having an enormous IQ and requiring someone who has an equally enormous IQ. it's about finding someone that makes some sense to you. i would retitle the idea "brain wiring compatibility"

a business transaction would be a "trophy wife" type situation, or someone with someone else because of the impression it gives others or for the security (or the relief of loneliness) but not love.

i'm a bit stunned to see how negative some of the responses are to this post. what's the alternative for people who feel this way? spend time with people that don't really engage you just so you don't have to be alone? that's unfair to the other person and dishonest. i like to be alone. i don't seek people out just to have company. i don't lack for anyone. i am hungry for engagement with someone, in a way, but it's not the same thing as lonely.

a merger of minds is exactly what i'm after. that's what would ignite a partnership type situation for me.

there arent going to be many guys suitable for me, and i know that, but i am not suitable for many either. there are things i can offer, and lots of things i can't. those i would not go for would probably not be happy with me either.



in my experience if someone is going to read you wrong they will continue to do so when you explain (unless your body language / affect match what you are communicating verbally - so says my therapist) unless they have a similar way of communicating, i.e. in words.

so another point: i am tired of being misread. i want to be myself. if i cannot sustain something by being me, then let it fall apart.

You've come very close to how I think and feel.

For me there are, but those feelings aren't sufficient enough to start a relationship (or sustain for more than a few months).



Yes. Ranging from 143-153 (bad -> good day), combined with why I am posting on this board narrows down the field.



Humored it for a phase of my life but ultimately disregarded it.



Because they don't understand. Yes, pretty droll, but that's the gist of it. I *can* be alone, and can find pleasure in doing things (e.g. reading a book, playing out doors, spending money, etc.) which don't require another person. It's a piece of me which is lacking, but it's not something I feel the need to sacrifice my core being to deal with.



Here I am 20+ years of searching and and still looking These people exist, right? I mean, you read about them so they must exist



Yes. I wholeheartedly agree.



Yes. I do waffle while in various social settings, but at some point I need to return to who I am. It's tiring being someone else.

BTW (not to nitpick) but you seem intelligent and don't seem the sort to take this the wrong way... I'm fairly sure that ie refers to a finite and exclusive list. So if you're talking "communicating" and ONLY "in words" then i.e. is appropriate.

For example, when describing the primary colors (i.e. red blue yellow). However, when using "an example" e.g. is appropriate such as when describing colors (e.g. blue, green, purple etc.) in general.

Damn. Power has been out in my neck of Tahoe for 6 hours and my computers/blackberry are out of juice. And here I am posting on WP to bide my time.

ah jeez. e.g. doesn't look or sound as good to me but that's a dumb reason to use i.e. instead if it's not precisely right.

do they come from latin? i don't know any latin. i'll never remember which means which unless i know how they translate.

thanks for the clarification and for appreciating my post.

Yeah, ambition becomes me these days - I feel like life's utterly lost without it and likely because that piece is missing. It'll be interesting to see where I'm at and what I'm doing at 35 though, I have a feeling the next few years are going to be quite an adventure.

Isn't it supposed to be "the Face of Boe"?