How to improve your chances with women.

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Myself included.

The only reason I'm even informed in this area is because it's my special interest. I've studied this stuff the past several years, and the past year or two I've talked to a lot of women online and in real life and learned their tendencies and what they really want. Not all women are the same, but there are certain things that work and don't work with most NT women.

sure it can. it won't make you any more compatible with someone, but lacking it could cause someone to be disinterested while having it could pique interest that was dormant before.

anyway what good is it to try to attract women that probably won't like you? recipe for disaster. even if you win them over in the first place, it won't last.




but awkwardness by itself isn't a problem, unless someone is a judgmental twit, in which case, why would you care what she thinks?

you can't (and shouldn't) change who you are but embracing it can make all the difference in the world.

awkward without self confidence might equal creepy.
awkward with self confidence might equal interesting, fascinating, unique, funny, etc etc.

it is all about how you see yourself which projects outward.

there will always be women who will prefer someone else, and if you sit around beating your head against a wall because someone who is nothing like you isn't interested, you're just going to make your head bleed instead of solving anything.



yes. exactly.



that's a horrible thing to tell someone. i think it shows strength to admit you don't know something and ask.

it's acting like you've got it all figured out and being unwilling to learn that is weak, or at least defeatist.

I don't know what you meant by being objective.

To look at the person for who they really are. When you like someone, you see their good qualities (your attractiveness to their looks, how they make you feel, the way they walk and so on) while not seeing their obvious faults...in this case, she's at the very least judgmental which is a horrible trait in a partner.

you meant subjective. (or meant to omit the word "not")

subjective - based on your personal beliefs or feelings about something

objective - without bias

(can't help it. no harm meant)

exactly! it helps to be yourself, but project your own unique self in a positive and confident way.

i saw a man and woman at a salsa dance club. they were probably 18 or 19 years old. she was so beautiful that people stared at her, and he was a gawky fellow with glasses, but that is beside the point.

the boyfriend was a terrible, awkward salsa dancer, but he learned the moves and just worked it out. he tore up the floor with her, doing all kinds of fancy moves BADLY. i think he even made up some steps. they were the only ones brave enough to get up and dance, and he must have known how awful his moves were! but he was confidently himself out there. they were totally smitten.

We were both in college when the correspondence began. We went on a few dates, but after that, we got separated by geographical distance (we went to different colleges). She mentioned that she couldn't do a long-distance relationship, and that she wanted to wait until graduation before having an actual relationship. So I decided to wait until she graduated (I still had another year to go) to see what would happen, because she mentioned that it was possible that she could get a job where I was. But she accused me of "being affected by her actions" because I decided to wait, yet she was inflexible with those things. I couldn't just drop out of college to move to where she was, and she made no guarantees, so all I could do was hope that, out of total coincidence, she got a job where I was. That didn't happen, and she met the other guy, got engaged to him after just 5 months, and married him (and throwing her career away in the process).

She assumed that people who ask for advice are completely unable to communicate directly with a partner, are unmotivated, can't "direct or support themselves", and have "weak personalities". She thinks that people who need emotional support are unstable and potentially abusive. According to her, her desired characteristics cannot be learned, one is born with them, and any attempt to improve oneself is an attempt to intentionally deceive her.

Also, she expects absolutely "no burdens or inconveniences" in a relationship.

So why would you like a woman like this for then?

I'd almost have to be worried about a woman who would want to date me. There would have to be something really wrong with her if she's unable to find someone "better" than me. I don't have a lot of money, I'm tall, but I don't consider myself physically attractive, I have 0 social status, and obscure, male centered interests and hobbies. I really don't have anything to offer a potential partner.

I'd have done a lot better socially and in the dating department if I had been born 10 years earlier. I would have been a teenager in the 80s, loved the music and pop culture and had that to talk about with women. Then I would have been in my 20s in the 90s, and it would have been cool and current to talk about the shows I watch. My style in general is kind of more 90s (still works now but would have fit in greatly in the 90s) and now I would have been married or in a healthy relationship with a woman in her 30s with similar history and interests and lifestyle goals (not partying.)

I also have no style. Being big and tall means I'm stuck shopping at the big and tall stores which have a very limited, albeit expensive selection. I'm not going to spend $50 on a shirt. Not only are dress, "stylish" shirts expensive, they're very uncomfortable. For one thing, unless it's the middle of winter, dressing up makes me too hot. I also hate wearing long sleeved shirts. I just don't like the feel of it. Now with dress shirts, you also have that horribly uncomfortable collar. With the exception of going to a job interview, I'm a jeans/T-shirt guy.

good list for starters,
but we still have to be able to meet people and break the ice which is the toughest part for us.

But is there someone out there that would prefer me? I'm sort of with Bataar on this one... if a woman likes me, then something is just wrong with her...

Unless you have Hulk Hogan arms, short sleeves are a detriment.

Try to inure yourself ("toughen up") to the discomfort of collars and long sleeves to a point where you don't notice it, that's what I had to do. Also match your colors together.

I'm good at matching my colors, but dress style shirts aren't going to happen. Not only are they uncomfortable, they're also very expensive, and since I need to shop at a big and tall store, I don't have a good selection anyways. I'm not going to spend $50+ for a shirt I don't even like.

What's your size? I'm 5'11" and 300 lbs (significantly overweight but not necessarily tall), and I'm still within the range that places like walmart, target, et. al. sell (with some extra sizes on upward). I got this one blue dress shirt and maroon tie that actually surprisingly go well together, along with a pair of black slacks, all for around $40 for the whole outfit (oh and a belt was included in there too). I, like you, don't particularly enjoy dressing up, but unless you're over 6'6" and 400 pounds, there are general stores that will have at least something that fits you, for a lot less cost...