BrianR wrote:
iamlucille wrote:
believe me, girls do not want that, they just naturally assume the hot guys will be the nicest ones.
....
I bet if a girl gets to know you, she'll like you for who you are, much more than the guys you just described... good luck finding her
But the problem is that
a) despite the fact that many girls CLAIM that they want a guy who is sweet and caring, their actions would indicate otherwise. And why the hell would anyone assume that the good looking guys are going to be the nice ones. No, really. If you understand the chain of reasoning that would lead a girl to that conclusion, please share it with us. This is one of the great mysteries of the universe. My personal explanation is that for most people hormones speak louder than reason. And it is a documented fact in recent brain research that humans often decide things first at the emotional or insticntive level, and then quickly follow up by inventing something that sounds like logic to explan their behavior to themselves.
b) most girls (in my experience) won't stay interested long enough to find out who a guy really is, especially if he's not outgoing or assertive.
No offense intended to you personally, but girls are just as hormonally driven as guys, and trying to get through to an actual thinking creature behind the hormones can be a very frustrating undertaking.
I think you nailed it right on the head there, Brian.
With some semi-obsessive research over the last few years, it seems girl are attracted to the danger of a guy who's unpredictable, and also attracted to a guy who doesn't give them attention. Girls receive flattering attention from several guys every day. It boosts her ego, she knows she is beautiful and wanted. When a guy DOESN'T feed this attention, she can become obsessed in trying to get that attention from him and is drawn in. In some extreme cases, a girl in an abusive relationship will stay because she wants to prove to him (whereas guys normally need to impress girls) that she is worthy of his affections. His attention is unpredictable and different, and it's hard for her to keep her eyes off him.
This is a general theory, obviously not applying to everyone. Honestly Lucille, I hope you are an exception, because I look at that phenomenon and shake my head. The guys they turn away without a second glance are the ones who will respect them the most.
Basically, I've settled for girl 'friends' than 'girlfriends'. The former I find are easy to talk to if there is a reason to say hi, say a group activity in a uni course. The latter is practically impossible under all circumstances. I want to have a girlfriend, and enjoy having one (when I have one), but it's just so damn hard...
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