Every girl I ask out "already has a boyfriend."

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Theres nothing wrong with you. Its a feature not a fault. Its a matter of statistics and finding the right girl. You either need to be much more strategic in where you look, more targeted, or you trust to time (which is on your side very much still).

You need to focus and up your chances by making sure effort is spent in the right places.

Personally I think all this talk of beautiful/normal girls, and practicing in public places is a red herring.You need to know more about HER.

She is 25+ and single. She is emotionally very smart and probably well-educated. She has had a series of very dissappointing NT boyfriends, with none of the drive, passion to get really close to others, or deep universal kindness that is lurking in you. Thats a f***ing sexy combination to a smart girl.

She finds your AS a massive part of her attraction to you, and will have no trouble zooming past the "wrong" thing - which Im guessing is simply some superficial body language/ slightly quirky vibe.

She will see the whole of you as deeply beautiful and your body/body language/"wrong" thing will become seriously sexy. She will wonder how she could have ever fancied a man without that "wrong" thing. The rest of the dating world will seem very superficial and dull.

I'd want to chat to you in a bar, honestly (but I have my own quirky man) and you do seem to have gone into this forensically so you know a lot about yourself.

Try university courses, libraries, adult education courses, summer schools learning about almost any subject, buddhist retreats, yoga retreats, massage courses. Volunteering. Online dating (with a theme like the environment or a walking club, or "Guardian" readers online dating. Just be strategic.

Its not about you its about finding her.. so please don't give up.

Just in case you think its appearance, post a photo (no you dont have to). I swear to my personal god there isn't a human body or a wrong 'vibe' that I couldn't fall deeply in love with, that I couldn't find radiantly beautiful once I knew their inside. I can zoom past any "box" and get to the real person, and your real person sounds gorgeous. I can not find "handome" men attractive and the idea of being attracted to someone on looks or their confidence seems abnormal to me.

So find the right girl, yeah keep trying to learn new "skills" (just to make life easier) but you really dont have to change who you fundamentally are.

IT'S NOT YOU.

Look at it this way. It means you are better than nothing, which is more than some have going for them.

Do some of the women giving 'advice' in this thread really need to be so condescending towards the OP?

Clearly there is room for improvement regarding his attitude but talking down to someone will only make them dig their heels in and stick to their guns even more.

Also remember this.

Confidence cannot be turned on & off like a tap (therefore making sound so simple is illogical) and being lied to isn't very nice. How would you feel if everytime you asked someone out they said they were already spoken for and you knew half of them wasn't being truthful? Oh wait, the same women patronising the OP here, would be the first to complain about it. But there lies the problem, because it's not traditional for women to make the first move, many of them don't know what it's like to be rejected when asking someone out.

By all means give advice, but don't keep putting the boot in and making guys who want to let off a bit of steam feel worse then they already do.

I'd rather be single and unwanted than "better than nothing", but that's just me. I don't see better than nothing as a compliment, in my book, no relationship but the best is better than nothing.

Isn't that seeking perfection where there is none?

Not that it's a bad thing to look for, but perfection doesn't exist in terms of a relationship.

The best relationship doesn't mean a perfect relationship. It's a relationship where you're not open to an "upgrade" because you simply don't want one.

he has actually been condescending towards the women giving advice. maybe reread the thread?

EDITED to add: and maybe reread his past threads too. we gave him lots and lots and lots and lots of advice. he rejected that advice. he came back to ask for more when things didn't work out. he rejected that advice again. i think you're failing to see the bigger picture.

^ Actually Hyperlexian, I very much did take the advice from you and everyone else. In fact, I almost internalized it.

Really? Because from what I can see all you've done is pick on his faults and not acknowledge any of his strengths. At least Pastafarian's advice was well balanced. Oh and if you go back and re-read the first page he actually said he took the advice given to him in previous threads and it didn't work. Now either he didn't use the advice correctly or the advice given to him simply wasn't very good either way he stated that he took on board what you and the others said to him and your claim that he rejected the advice is incorrect. The evidence is here.



Just because you are one of the older members on here and a moderator it doesn't mean that you know everything and with all due respect I've noticed in a lot of threads on here that you do always try and bring yourself across as a complete know it all. Also instead of now being condescending towards me claiming I'm 'failing to see the bigger picture', & telling me to re-read his previous threads because you say he didn't take others advice (which again the above quote shows to be incorrect) and I've said something you don't agree with perhaps you should start showing the other members on here a little bit more respect.

You mean a compromise?

I think those are healthy in a relationship, since you learn to slowly change little niggles about you, which also happen to your partner as well.

I don't think your core personality will change but some of the worse traits of yours can be hidden better when in a relationship.

you are still failing to see the bigger picture. i can see that you still have not gone back and actually read his older threads. other members (not you) spent a significant amount of time helping him in those threads. we remember the history. you, apparently, do not.

by the way, it doesn't really make sense to say "with all due respect" while you are dishing out an insulting post, because obviously if you were being respectful you wouldn't say that.

everything in bold is great and shows a great level of maturity for anyone who can understand it

however trying to hide your "worse traits" will likely just end a relationship before it even starts, its better to just be open about such traits and try and work through them with your partner

I never said nobody gave him advice, I just pointed out via his first page quote that your claims he never took on board the advice given to him was inaccurate. Which you chose to ignore because you turn a blind eye to anything you can't answer to. I'm not failing to see the bigger picture, you're failing to acknowledge evidence showing that your claims that he ignored the advice given to him actually isn't true. I haven't seen his previous threads and even if I was trawl through them it wouldn't change my opinion because I never disputed the fact that others tried to help him, you're sidetracking the subject.

But despite this you still seem to think you know everything, so carry on being condescending.

I never said nobody gave him advice, I just pointed out via his first page quote that your claims he never took on board the advice given to him was inaccurate. Which you chose to ignore because you turn a blind eye to anything you can't answer to. I'm not failing to see the bigger picture, you're failing to acknowledge evidence showing that your claims that he ignored the advice given to him actually isn't true. I haven't seen his previous threads and even if I was to trawl through them it wouldn't change my opinion because I never disputed the fact that others tried to help him, you're sidetracking the subject.

But despite this you still seem to think you know everything, so carry on being condescending and if you can't accept people not always taking your criticism (some of which is fair, some of which is overboard) as gospel then I suggest you take a good hard look in the mirror at yourself.

You mean a compromise?

I think those are healthy in a relationship, since you learn to slowly change little niggles about you, which also happen to your partner as well.

I don't think your core personality will change but some of the worse traits of yours can be hidden better when in a relationship.