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4 easy rules will avoid 98% of sexual harassment accusations

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b9
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07 Mar 2013, 8:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.

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IrishTusk wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and .............

:lol: Dafuq

That isn't AS that is stupidity


i never claimed that it was because of my AS that i always perceived her as a male. it is interesting that many of the members on this site are hostile toward "gender identity perception", and others are offended that i did not ascribe the correct gender identity to her.
maybe you are trying to pose as a "white knight" who weighs in to discussions to defend "damsels" who you perceive are being slighted. i was incorrect in my assumption that she was a male, but i never related to her in a way that was influenced by what gender i subconsciously thought her to be. if had known she was female, every word i said to her would have been the same.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2013, 8:20 am

b9 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


Quote:
i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.



Um, no, just a internet slang way of saying "The F***?" A reaction to a hilarious and almost unbelievable story.

But no, I don't think you're stupid b9.



nessa238
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07 Mar 2013, 8:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
b9 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


Quote:
i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.



Um, no, just a internet slang way of saying "The F***?" A reaction to a hilarious and almost unbelievable story.

But no, I don't think you're stupid b9.


He is very tactless though and this is likely to upset people, as has been evidenced.

Intelligence would mean a person was flexible enough to moderate their response according to feedback - this has not happened with the example given hence indicates it was somewhat lacking in that situation



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07 Mar 2013, 9:06 am

nessa238 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
b9 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


Quote:
i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.



Um, no, just a internet slang way of saying "The F***?" A reaction to a hilarious and almost unbelievable story.

But no, I don't think you're stupid b9.


He is very tactless though and this is likely to upset people, as has been evidenced.


He's a robot, what did you expect?



nessa238
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07 Mar 2013, 9:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
b9 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


Quote:
i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.



Um, no, just a internet slang way of saying "The F***?" A reaction to a hilarious and almost unbelievable story.

But no, I don't think you're stupid b9.


He is very tactless though and this is likely to upset people, as has been evidenced.


He's a robot, what did you expect?


Lol



b9
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07 Mar 2013, 9:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
b9 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.

i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.


8O
:lol: Dafuq


Quote:
i am sorry? is that a middle eastern word? i can not speak middle eastern.





Um, no, just a internet slang way of saying "The F***?" A reaction to a hilarious and almost unbelievable story.

But no, I don't think you're stupid b9.

i did not think you thought i was stupid. but "dafuq" sounds like a glottal utterance that i have found to be typical of arabic pronunciation. i can not say many arabic words because they make me go into a coughing fit. i often wonder how middle eastern people can talk when they have the flu. i think you are a very good person i must say, but i am light years behind you in understanding the ways of the world.



Shau
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07 Mar 2013, 10:02 am

You guys really need to learn how to quote people, man! It's called a preview box!! I wouldn't advise quitting your day jobs to become computer programmers.



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07 Mar 2013, 2:10 pm

Theres a big problem with the whole gender issue here however Id say that the problem goes beyond that.


Last year I was at a local holiday at about 2:30 AM with two friends that were slightly older than me.
It was considered normal to be out at the time so we were just walking around and enjoying some fresh air before going back to drinking(we have a holiday thats based on drinking and attempting to socialize for a week...).
Anyhow as we were walking two old ladies in a poor state(I was surprised that they could stand on their own two feet) tried to approach us asking about soccer/ trying to figure out what my friends liked to keep the conversation going.

I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while.

As the conversation kept going on they started to touch our arms, hands, shoulder... I could see where it was going so I asked my friends to leave.
I had to ask them to leave several times and I was called out by this two ladies as rude when I had made it clear that the touching was making me uncomfortable because Im not used to touching strangers and two drunk ladies older than my mum wont change my mind.

As long as a large number of the male population keeps acting this way and Im the rude one things arent going to change and sadly this isnt a one time thing and it has happened to me on several occasions with similar results each time



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07 Mar 2013, 2:18 pm

spongy wrote:
Theres a big problem with the whole gender issue here however Id say that the problem goes beyond that.


Last year I was at a local holiday at about 2:30 AM with two friends that were slightly older than me.
It was considered normal to be out at the time so we were just walking around and enjoying some fresh air before going back to drinking(we have a holiday thats based on drinking and attempting to socialize for a week...).
Anyhow as we were walking two old ladies in a poor state(I was surprised that they could stand on their own two feet) tried to approach us asking about soccer/ trying to figure out what my friends liked to keep the conversation going.

I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while.

As the conversation kept going on they started to touch our arms, hands, shoulder... I could see where it was going so I asked my friends to leave.
I had to ask them to leave several times and I was called out by this two ladies as rude when I had made it clear that the touching was making me uncomfortable because Im not used to touching strangers and two drunk ladies older than my mum wont change my mind.

As long as a large number of the male population keeps acting this way and Im the rude one things arent going to change and sadly this isnt a one time thing and it has happened to me on several occasions with similar results each time


The proper response for a male is to let them touch you but don't reciprocate very much. Enjoy the attention while it lasts, and they will leave eventually when you don't take it to the next level. Telling them to leave is a tad ridiculous.



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07 Mar 2013, 2:22 pm

Wouldn´t that be a double standard? A woman touching a man against his will is every bit as inappropriate as the other way around. Enduring it might make for less conflict, but I´d consider the price too high.


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07 Mar 2013, 2:27 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
spongy wrote:
Theres a big problem with the whole gender issue here however Id say that the problem goes beyond that.


Last year I was at a local holiday at about 2:30 AM with two friends that were slightly older than me.
It was considered normal to be out at the time so we were just walking around and enjoying some fresh air before going back to drinking(we have a holiday thats based on drinking and attempting to socialize for a week...).
Anyhow as we were walking two old ladies in a poor state(I was surprised that they could stand on their own two feet) tried to approach us asking about soccer/ trying to figure out what my friends liked to keep the conversation going.

I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while.

As the conversation kept going on they started to touch our arms, hands, shoulder... I could see where it was going so I asked my friends to leave.
I had to ask them to leave several times and I was called out by this two ladies as rude when I had made it clear that the touching was making me uncomfortable because Im not used to touching strangers and two drunk ladies older than my mum wont change my mind.

As long as a large number of the male population keeps acting this way and Im the rude one things arent going to change and sadly this isnt a one time thing and it has happened to me on several occasions with similar results each time


The proper response for a male is to let them touch you but don't reciprocate very much. Enjoy the attention while it lasts, and they will leave eventually when you don't take it to the next level. Telling them to leave is a tad ridiculous.


I didnt reciprocate at all and they made a comment on that just at the beginning.
After the third drunken question of wether we liked x or y local team(making sure to start stuttering when it came to the names) along with the inappropiate touching I suggested my friends and I should leave but they ignored me for a while



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07 Mar 2013, 2:39 pm

spongy wrote:
Theres a big problem with the whole gender issue here however Id say that the problem goes beyond that.


Last year I was at a local holiday at about 2:30 AM with two friends that were slightly older than me.
It was considered normal to be out at the time so we were just walking around and enjoying some fresh air before going back to drinking(we have a holiday thats based on drinking and attempting to socialize for a week...).
Anyhow as we were walking two old ladies in a poor state(I was surprised that they could stand on their own two feet) tried to approach us asking about soccer/ trying to figure out what my friends liked to keep the conversation going.

I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while.

As the conversation kept going on they started to touch our arms, hands, shoulder... I could see where it was going so I asked my friends to leave.
I had to ask them to leave several times and I was called out by this two ladies as rude when I had made it clear that the touching was making me uncomfortable because Im not used to touching strangers and two drunk ladies older than my mum wont change my mind.

As long as a large number of the male population keeps acting this way and Im the rude one things arent going to change and sadly this isnt a one time thing and it has happened to me on several occasions with similar results each time


This type of behaviour is typical of drinking culture so as you were partaking in drinking culture it's a hazard of the game you should get used to. To expect drunk people to be on their best behaviour is more than a little naive!

If you don't want to deal with over-friendly drunk people (of whatever age), don't drink to excess in places where they congregate.

I thought all-night drunken chats with strangers were what social drinking was all about?

I also find this line rather galling:-

"I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while"

How do you know what level of attention anyone gets?

Are you saying over a certain age a woman gets little to no attention off anyone?

And how old were they exactly?



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07 Mar 2013, 2:52 pm

Shatbat wrote:
Wouldn´t that be a double standard? A woman touching a man against his will is every bit as inappropriate as the other way around. Enduring it might make for less conflict, but I´d consider the price too high.


Sure, it is. Deal with it. Some things are not worth complaining about. If there weren't so many creeps and rapists about, it likely wouldn't be a problem. So until they are all locked up, deal with it.

If a woman touches a man, it is socially inappropriate to rebuff her rudely. You might tell you are gay. Or just take it and enjoy it. I personally prefer the latter option.



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07 Mar 2013, 2:58 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
Shatbat wrote:
Wouldn´t that be a double standard? A woman touching a man against his will is every bit as inappropriate as the other way around. Enduring it might make for less conflict, but I´d consider the price too high.


Sure, it is. Deal with it. Some things are not worth complaining about. If there weren't so many creeps and rapists about, it likely wouldn't be a problem. So until they are all locked up, deal with it.

If a woman touches a man, it is socially inappropriate to rebuff her rudely. You might tell you are gay. Or just take it and enjoy it. I personally prefer the latter option.


There's also a grey area of a person just being what's termed 'tactile' ie they touch people as a sort of punctuation to what they are saying. It's not a sexual thing; it's a communication thing, to add emphasis to their words and show friendliness. It's more likely to be women who are tactile as a man doing it can be judged more harshly.

As Spongy has demonstrated though, a woman being tactile can sometimes be unwelcome. I bet if they were 20 year olds he'd have tolerated it a bit better though ;)

I'd never do it myself. I only make deliberate physical contact with another person if I am having a sexual relationship with them. I find touch outside of that boundary very uncomfortable as it's like doing a sexual thing in a non-sexual context; a concept which does my head in!



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07 Mar 2013, 3:03 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
Sure, it is. Deal with it. Some things are not worth complaining about. If there weren't so many creeps and rapists about, it likely wouldn't be a problem. So until they are all locked up, deal with it.

If a woman touches a man, it is socially inappropriate to rebuff her rudely. You might tell you are gay. Or just take it and enjoy it. I personally prefer the latter option.


I can see where you´re coming from, but acceptance is not the only option. I see it as a choice, would you rather avoid an uncomfortable situation by letting someone else have their way, or would you risk standing up for yourself and getting into a confrontation with that someone else? Lean too much to the first, and you become a doormat who gets stepped on by the others. Too much to the second and you get into fights all the time, possibly tiring you out, and gaining a reputation of being rude or a troublemaker. There are many things that I just let slide because they are just not worth making a scene for, but if someone began touching me against my will, I´d be firm in my rebuffal (although it´s worth noting my threshold on what is appropriate touching and what is not is rather high). Between my physical space and avoiding being socially inappropriate towards some third party, I pick the former. But maybe touch doesn´t particularly bother you, in which case letting it slide is a sensible option, and if you say you can enjoy it, well, everybody wins!
The double standard is still not right though. I´d certainly mention it if I got into that kind of situation.


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07 Mar 2013, 4:40 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
Shatbat wrote:
Wouldn´t that be a double standard? A woman touching a man against his will is every bit as inappropriate as the other way around. Enduring it might make for less conflict, but I´d consider the price too high.


Sure, it is. Deal with it. Some things are not worth complaining about. If there weren't so many creeps and rapists about, it likely wouldn't be a problem. So until they are all locked up, deal with it.

If a woman touches a man, it is socially inappropriate to rebuff her rudely. You might tell you are gay. Or just take it and enjoy it. I personally prefer the latter option.



Yeah, I said on the other thread:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Im female aspie and well lets just put it this way. If I were an aspie guy doing some of the stuff to NT females that ive done to NT males. Umm...I would have gotten a restraining order at the least. So I guess I fall under the category of stalker, creep, etc. No Ive never attempted to give a guy unwanted sexual attention so that disqualifies me to sexual predator.



That's purely a gender bias thing and not AS/NT issue.

Even among NTs, females do stuff (bold flirting, touching ..etc) that would be socially considered stalking, obsession, pervert and sexual harassment if they were males. Fact is, most males are more tolerant to such pursuing behaviors unless if the female is explicitly grabbing their balls for example, then...maybe.... MAYBE he would issue a sexual harassment lawsuit but if he's single and finds her sexually attractive then chances he would go with the flow.

Do you remember the sarcastic video I've posted about the subjectivity of sexual harassment? I think it applies more on the males than the females; meaning it's the males who are more subjective to judge whether an action is sexual harassment or not depending on how attractive he finds her, it applies on girls too but in a much lesser extent.

You should know that all women have the fear of rape, so they wouldn't take a risk by not stopping a guy who might be a potential rapist, guys often don't have this fear except for the males who were sexually assaulted by a female before.


If for example, a girl is sending 100 unsolicited texts/messages/emails to a guy and if the guy doesn't want anything from her and just find her annoying, chances that he would just block her everywhere without reporting her. Genders reversed, chances that the girl would block him everywhere and report him.