how many here, will never get married
It is also strange that it is so much easier to get married than to get divorced. Which goes to show it is mainly about property rights, money and enforced access to children.
Wouldnt agree with that. First you need to be able to have a general relationship. Took me years, and is not that easy as several threads here show. If you manage that finally, you will have your first "pink butterfly" phase, when you are happy to have met your wonderful fairytale dreamprince. After some years you will have to learn that the "wonderful fairytale dreamprince" time simply was a strong hormon cocktail that your body produces at the start of an relationship. And you have to face that you were betrayed by them, and instead of being related to a wonderful fairytale dreamprince, your partner is simply a normal ordinary human male. ^^ Many couples depart in that time because of them thinking, that the loosing of that prince/princess part would mean, that their partner would not fit as partner, because of him no longer being perfect in your eyes, and all that love fairytales are about finding the perfect partners, because this will be Mr. and Mrs. Right and if you realize they are not perfect, according to media they dont fit as partners. The "bad" sides of your partner, you didnt realize before, now are very appearant for you, simply because you didnt have to face them before.
From my oppinion this part is the critical part of a relationship. Because then will be the first time in your relationship, when the blinding "first love" hormon cocktail has gone and for the first time in your life you will be able to see your partner in the way he really is, with all his good sides you already knew and his bad sides you see the first time in your life. Many depart in that time, because of medias they have the expectations, that if there partner shows bad sides too, that this is a sign for him not being the right partner, because only someone fitting perfectly to you, can be a right partner. Others simply look at their partner as they are, dont have expectations that their partner has to be perfect, but simply realize that the bad sides of your partner are no catastrophe in general and may fit to another person without problems, but simply does not match with you as you are and your good and bad sides.
And only after these hormon blinded "first true love" feelings that can last some years, when you accepted to look at your partner the way he is: Then you yourself can tell if you are in love with that person you are now able to see. Being in love is easy, when your body produces love hormones all the time without you influencing it. But after that you need to truly be in love, not because of hormones forcing you and blinding you for the real personality of your partner, but BECAUSE of seeing the real personality of your partner. To love a perfect prince is easy. ^^ Its about loving an normal imperfect human. Around that time also sexual problems may exist, simply because before it was easy to have excited sexual feelings, when Superman was in front of you and invited you to have sex with him. XD But suddenly there is that ordinary human male in front of you, one that may be really nice and so on, but not any longer with that blazing "superhero" presence. XD And if you manage that, you will suddenly see again that your partner really is perfect. Not because of him being a perfect prince, but because of him being a real human person that only became the person you truly love, and you will realize that he is that way only because of all his good and bad sides. That all of the characteristics he has, leaded to him being the person he is and that you love. And if any characteristic of him was missing, that he would be another person, which would be really, really sad, because then he never would have become the person he is. Which maybe doesnt make him a superhero in general, but let him become your personal superhero. ^^ And what also helps you arguing, because arguing with each other is part of an relationship after the blind hormoncocktail time you had. And accepting your partner with all his characteristics, also helps you to worship him, even when you are arguing with him. Its not a bad thing, when you dont agree at everything with each other and argue from time to time. Its only a problem when arguing, leads you to not worshipping your partner. As long as you both can trust each other, that anyway about what you are arguing and about what you disagree, it doesnt mean that you wouldnt worship each other.
And only then, when you have reached that time in your relationship, where you are no longer drugged by hormones and see your partner the way he is. Are able to argue with your partner about things you not agree, without that having influence about the worth the person has for you. No longer demanding or expecting your partner to be a perfect dreamprince, but in the opposite are happy about him being him the normal wonderful person that he is, you will be able to marry. (Or at last you should not marry earlier. That there are tons of people that marry, while they are still in the "Oh my god, my beloved dreamprince!" phase is a sad thing, and from my oppinion one of the causes, why so many marriages depart, because if you expect to marry a perfect prince and realize some years after that, that you married Jane or John Doe instead, it might suck. ^^)
Takes some years to get that far. None of the divorces of people I knew, needed that much time. Marrying is only easier then divorcing, if you marry without doing that work you should do before, while you are still in the "pinkponylove" phase. But thats as if you would say, that keeping a house clean is easy, when you simply let everything be as it is and never clean it. ^^ For marrying I need to trust my partner, and to trust him I first need to meet him as the person he really is, not the love-drug addicted person he seems to be in the first time of an relationship.
Simply because for marrying it is not important to know if you are excited happy with each other, while you are hormon drugged liked a crack addicted, but if you are happy together and able to go on as normal humans in normal boring everyday life and that will turn normal boring everyday life in something wonderful.
Divorcing seems to me in comparison much easier.
Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
But how are we going to be the Duggars
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I doubt I ever get marreid or have a long term relationship or even a relationship unless I buy a Russian wife (joking) because:
I'm 21 and fit (this must be very close to my best look ever) and still can't talk to a girl more than half an hour without creeping her or getting her laughing at me.
I don't talk to woman anymore because of the reason above.
My conversation is basicly computers, rugby and cars (all of them loved by women xD)
I study computer science with men and a girl I've already freaked out and and my social activity is: play rugby with other men, go to the gym with other men, go for a drink with my male friends.
People tell me all the time "saying stuff like/doing that you'll never have a girlfriend" for things I find perfectly normal.
I'm very childish.
I'm very swallow and I just like girls with beautiful face... although I don't care that much about the body.
I personally view marriage just as a tradition or as an official declaration to be for one and the other. Right now,I am not ready for marriage though because I need to learn to calm down and not get hurt easily. I also have to learn to be more understanding. I'm not ready to devote myself; it is a big responsibilty mostly. But I think I will be ready in some years.
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MXH
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Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
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MXH
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Posts: 13,057
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Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
And one divorce puts yours down the drain.
Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
And one divorce puts yours down the drain.
Um if you didn't know, DIVORCE ISN'T MARRIAGE IT IS THE ENDING OF ONE, and it is the divorcee's fault for letting it happen. I know it sounds bad, but it is true, if you know you are rushing things, don't get married, simple as that. Only get married when it will work, don't get married to jack asses. It isn't marriages fault, it is the fault of the people for being nasty husbands/wives or both.
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MXH
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Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
And one divorce puts yours down the drain.
Um if you didn't know, DIVORCE ISN'T MARRIAGE IT IS THE ENDING OF ONE, and it is the divorcee's fault for letting it happen. I know it sounds bad, but it is true, if you know you are rushing things, don't get married, simple as that. Only get married when it will work, don't get married to jack asses. It isn't marriages fault, it is the fault of the people for being nasty husbands/wives or both.
Divorce means a marriage sucked. Which goes against the whole marriage is the best thing ever idea you keep pushing.
And you know that just because someone is lovingly sweet now doesn't mean they'll be the same in 5+ years. Which is why there's so many divorces now a days
Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
And one divorce puts yours down the drain.
Um if you didn't know, DIVORCE ISN'T MARRIAGE IT IS THE ENDING OF ONE, and it is the divorcee's fault for letting it happen. I know it sounds bad, but it is true, if you know you are rushing things, don't get married, simple as that. Only get married when it will work, don't get married to jack asses. It isn't marriages fault, it is the fault of the people for being nasty husbands/wives or both.
Divorce means a marriage sucked. Which goes against the whole marriage is the best thing ever idea you keep pushing.
And you know that just because someone is lovingly sweet now doesn't mean they'll be the same in 5+ years. Which is why there's so many divorces now a days
That is why you get married AFTER the sweetie 5, then if you still love the person, get married then. Divorce means the people made the mistake of getting married to the wrong person, or that they were too stubborn to work it out. Divorce doesn't mean marriage sucks, it means the people sucked at it with each other. The thing is, you'd give up on the person after then, I wouldn't. Above all else I would never give up on children, WHICH I INTEND TO HAVE. They are going to be raised well, by me and their mother.
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Seriously. There are virtually no benefits in modern society. Marriage is harmful to both men and women in different ways.
Again, one happy marriage, and your theory goes down the loo.
Not really. A couple does not become better off because they are married than before. All they get is a tax break
Again, one HAPPY marriage, and both of your theories go down the loo. The attitude you have hurts marriage stats more than mine anyways. Nobody waits to get to know the person before marriage anymore. Divorce is easier than Marriage, but marriage is better for children, whom are our future. Children both the risk and reward of sex, are not to be left without a father or mother, something I will never take away from them.
And one divorce puts yours down the drain.
Um if you didn't know, DIVORCE ISN'T MARRIAGE IT IS THE ENDING OF ONE, and it is the divorcee's fault for letting it happen. I know it sounds bad, but it is true, if you know you are rushing things, don't get married, simple as that. Only get married when it will work, don't get married to jack asses. It isn't marriages fault, it is the fault of the people for being nasty husbands/wives or both.
Divorce means a marriage sucked. Which goes against the whole marriage is the best thing ever idea you keep pushing.
And you know that just because someone is lovingly sweet now doesn't mean they'll be the same in 5+ years. Which is why there's so many divorces now a days
I'm not the kind of person to give up if marriage sucks a little, I'd rather show my wife I'm not going to abandon her, and be a good husband, than just say "This kind of sucks so you must not be a good wife" like many people would.
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My biological parents agreed not to have kids, and then my mother intentionally got pregnant with me, and my dad divorced her. The divorce wasn't the problem, it was a solution to a problem.
Divorce is a solution to a problem. If you stay together "for the kids" you end up resenting the kids, oftentimes. I'm glad my parents began their divorce before I was even born. They did themselves and myself a huge favor.
And they knew each other for nine years before they got married.
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Divorce is a solution to a problem. If you stay together "for the kids" you end up resenting the kids, oftentimes. I'm glad my parents began their divorce before I was even born. They did themselves and myself a huge favor.
And they knew each other for nine years before they got married.
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