She is asking for it

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OMG, she's HOT!

If I came across her in real life though, I wouldn't make any catcalls or try to hook up with her or anything, because I'm just not that kind of person. I would tell her that she looks nice though. As for her openly inviting sexual advances, she may be, or she may not be. She's certainly dressed and posed provocatively, though I don't think that women who dress this way always do it to *be* provocative. I think that most do it for much the same reason they would dress any other way; because they like how they look and/or feel in what they are wearing.

Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 05 Mar 2014, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think this thread is a little confusing in terms of the issues being discussed. The woman in the OP is clearly a model dressed and posed for a photo shoot - so there are comments about "sex selling" and so on. She's not "real".

The other issue is that of "asking for it". In the OP that is connected to the sexual availability, real or perceived, of women and connected to the way they dress and comport themselves. I've been thinking about the "asking for it" aspect of this discussion, and my conclusion is that it is a victim-blaming phrase. It is used by those who commit acts of violence to shift responsibility for themselves onto their victim. It is used in the media, and it is used in courts of law. It is used within society generally to warn, usually girls and women, that they have to monitor how they dress and how they behave, because if they are attacked, they could be seen as "asking for it". And that's what takes this discussion into the realm of rape culture.

To say that someone, male or female, is "asking for it" is an inherently violent and oppressive statement. When it is applied to a woman, it can relate to a sexual or other violent assault. When applied to men, it is more usually in relation to their having been subjected to a violent attack of some kind. Maybe he was "asking for it' because he told a driver that he shouldn't park in a disabled parking space, or shouldn't be smoking in a place where smoking is prohibited, maybe he just looked at an aggressive man the wrong way….

The only time I can think of "asking for it" being applied in a more benign, explanatory way would be when someone assumes victimhood for their own, distorted or distorting purposes. So, for example, if someone goes into a library and starts playing the bagpipes. They are asked to stop, warned that if they don't then they will be ejected from the library. They continue to play the bagpipes and are put out of the library. They might protest that they were treated unfairly, and that they were victimised. To say that they had been "asking for it (it being ejected from the library) would in that case be a reasonable statement of what had happened.

To the extent that people believe (consciously or not) that men are rendered irrational by sexual desire, it will provide a convenient excuse for bad behavior. Maintaining that belief will maintain quite a lot of privilege, so people will resist letting go of it.

We often see a great deal of difference between what intellectuals find "bleedin' obvious" and what the greater society will publicly acknowledge in a consistent manner. Sex probably sells especially well to the sexually repressed. As for men's magazines, I think they have a fundamental premise that you only need to have a lot of money and physical strength to make women fall in love with you. From their perspective, everyone knows that already.

I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologize if I'm repeating something that someone has already said:

It's entirely possible that, if you saw a woman dressed this way IRL, she is dressing up to look sexy... but chances are very, very high that she's dressing to look sexy for a specific person, likely someone she knows and already has a sexual relationship with. In other words, it's probably not for you.

I disagree with that.
Some people simply like the attention. Actually, most.
But they don't seem to "get" ugly guys find attractive girls pretty, too.

She looks like she is CGI-animated.

Now I am suddenly reminded of the "strip study" scene in Billy Madison, when Chris Farley takes off his top.

Yes, the chances what she's saying is very very low. Flirts would be more effective and dressing like that might makes her target thinks she's easy for anyone and thinks less of her - she wouldn't want that.

It's true that some women just like male attention in general, but any time my friends and I have dressed up, it's either for a boyfriend or for each other. Random men don't figure, regardless of what they look like.

I think you misunderstood. Flirting is fun, but not the main reason for anything and negative attention is always unappreciated. I go out with friends for the sake of going out with friends. Not for "validation" or attention. Receiving a sincere compliment is always nice, in a different scenario as well, but should be more of an icing on the cake.

Dressing up or taking care of oneself has to come from the will to do so and feeling comfortable in one's own skin. I dress up and wear makeup at home when no one is seeing, if I'm in a mood to do so. It's something I've always liked doing and had special interest in, but it's not a big deal to go out with no make up and messy hair. In my experience it doesn't make a huge different in unwanted attention.



This site confuses me sometimes... Flirting is occasionally suggested as "shallow" or "manipulative", but at the same time there are many people who would prefer to date more or get more positive attention from the opposite sex :/

It's because people are confusing. You flirt 'for fun' as well as when you want to demonstrate you are attracted to someone. For someone who is not good at reading social cues, the just for fun flirting is no different to 'i am interested' flirting. That's why people on this site complain a lot. I'm not sure what can be done about it though.

The above point about flirting really fascinates me as well. Would anyone expect to master skiing on the first try? I guess that the frustration comes from having such a huge emotional investment in the outcome of those early attempts at flirting.

sometimes we get old men at the hospital who flirt with *everyone,* regardless of the age, appearance, (or sometimes even gender), and it's clear to everyone that they're doing it just for fun. They're good at it, and it's fun to participate.
I think that one of the cues to 'flirting for fun' vs. 'flirting for attraction' is who it's applied to: if a guy is flirting with my mother and my brother as much as he is with me, it's a good hint that he's not flirting with me because he's sexually attracted. The more people it's done with at any given time, the less likely it is to be serious.

So, for those who want to get better at flirting in a situation where you can be almost completely certain of the significance, try flirting with old people. I started typing that as a joke, but by the time I finished I realized that it actually makes a fair amount of sense. In that case, you can feel confident that they will enjoy the attention.



Is he asking for it, or what?

What is this "flirting with the same gender (when you're straight)" thing?
Is it something different from just being friendly?

It probably depends in part upon where you're from. Being friendly in Texas involves teasing, which people also do as part of flirting. I see some similarities between flirting and a trust fall.