AS dating a NT - is it morally right?

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I say lying because I cannot imagine having a conversation with a person in the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship and my autism not coming up somehow. My behaviour, my life circumstances, my appearance (as in the clothes I choose to wear, how I groom myself, that sort of thing), all of these things are deeply impacted and shaped by my autism so I can't imagine having conversations about any of them and autism not being mentioned. I would have to actively lie to keep it out of conversations that are based on getting to know me, because my neurology is an integral part of who I am and the whole point of getting to know someone is sharing who you are with them and having them share who they are and seeing if there is compatibility there between the two. I can't imagine going through the phase of getting to know someone and having a conversation about who we each are and not having autism be a part of that conversation because of it being a big part of who I am and how I understand myself and how I relate to other people.

I wouldn't even have thought of mentioning my autism.
Like sly said, it's not who I am.
Pretty sure autism wouldn't come up in the conversation.
I don't identify with it that much.

I’ve never had people ask me why I’m odd, or why I did certain things. My work thought i was normal until I had to request accommodations. I’m sure people think I’m odd or weird but so are lots of people. The lady I have a crush on outs a-coat hanger over her head that’s not normal.

Those things might show more in women. I dress like any other guy. Most women dress girly and wear makeup, so I could see how if you don’t people might question but lots of women who aren’t in that most don’t either so you could just say it’s not your style which is true, yiu might stilk not if you were autistic. Goth women are autistic and don’t dress up girly and such. To be clear some are autistic, fashion isn’t an autisti or normal thing. Some women here dress fancy and put on makeup. Sweatlesf doesn’t but she’s s metal girl, metal girls don’t dress fancy and wear makeup. I don’t think being autistic is why she doesn’t it’s just not her fashion choice.

I look like a normal guy, dress like a normal guy. Only after weeks or months if interacting with me do people start to see I’m odd. That’s why autismmis called an invisible disorder, we appear normal. Some more so then others. Peoplemwith conatant stims will be noticed. Low funciting autistics too, but when we talk about high functioning ones we appear normal. I don’t relate my fashion choices to my autism. Many non autistic dress like me. The oddest thing is my boots, but lots of men wear combat boots outside if military personal. I wear cargo pants, T-shirt’s and boots like a lot of men do.

I guess if I felt genderless and wore dresses or female clothes I’d have to explain that so if yiu wear predominantly noticeably male clothing people might ask. But it’s also generally way more acceptable thst women wear men’s clothes.

My sister wears men’s shirts and sweat shirts as they more comfortable.

Maybe to tell or not is different for men vs women.


Likewise I’ve never had it come up. If asked I’d probably explain it to them. I’m not going bring it up until we are discussing a relationship.

People with other disorders don’t bring it up until then either. Some do but most don’t,
Hi I’m bob I’m dyslexias
Oh hey I’m bipolar and on meds for it.
People usually hold off on disclosing such personal information until a relationship is being discussed.

“Nice to meet you I’m Jane, I have depress, anxiety and adhd,” said few people . Who with in a date or two or less wouldn’t run away, that’s a lot of baggage to tell someone you’re just dating.

Maybe it's because for much of my life I had all these issues that made me different but I had no explanation for them like I do now, they were just the long list of things that were different about me (usually things that were "wrong with me"), but now that I finally have an explanation for all the little things that make up who I am I don't know how to explain myself without discussing autism. It would be like trying to get to know a person and expecting them to be able to get to know me without being able to talk about that I'm a woman, or that I'm introverted, or that I'm an artist. How can I talk about myself without mentioning these things that are apparent about who I am as a person? Maybe this is why I struggle socially, because of the kind of conversations I'm having where I am being too up front about myself and that's apparently not a normal way to get to know people? Maybe I'm not even doing the most basic kind of conversation right and that's why I can't make friends or get to know people, because I'm not withholding enough or just talking about the wrong things?

This forum can be so depressing sometimes.

When I did things differently I was always questioned about it and asked to explain myself and most of the time when I was growing up I never could because I didn't know that I was autistic and had sensory issues, I just knew I didn't like certain things that didn't bother other people and couldn't explain why. I think as an adult I only appear normal on the surface and even then not all that normal because social interaction usually goes awry after a few moments when I start to stammer or say the wrong thing or misinterpret what is said to me or just generally start to act awkward because I am anxious and don't know how to be around other people and be comfortable. My social anxiety has gotten pretty bad as I've gotten older and I think it is really obvious to people pretty quickly that I am anxious and awkward and most people will point that out and want to talk about it.

And no it's not more acceptable for women to wear men's clothes--if you dress too masculine people will mock you and call you a dyke b***h. I've had that or close to it yelled at me in the street a lot in my adult life. I usually wear some makeup and try to keep my hair clean and neat but my style of dress is rather masculine and I've taken a lot of abuse from random guys in public for that.

I was diagnosed at 5/6. So my whole life basically I’ve been treated differently.

Usually here it’s women with short short hair who might get called that.

It’s sexy if a woman wears a mans shirt, it’s trans if a man wears a woman’s shirt.

People on the street if just would call me fat or something along that line.

What do you wear? Bunch of women here wear a T-shirt and jeans.

I think the problem goes beyond what I wear into how I carry myself and my body language--I present as "butch" no matter what I'm wearing or what length my hair is. And so people make comments or ask me if I'm a lesbian. It's the whole package, I get it wrong and seem masculine to people. This is what I've been told.

I’m too feminine, men call me the p word.

Where do you live, karathrace? I wandered around the zoo today in baggy pants, black t-shirt, basic chain around my neck, no makeup, no2 buzzcut, fairly masculine mannerisms...and a keeper I was chatting to used the line "you'll appreciate this more, being a woman" before telling me about a fashion exhibit at the local gallery.

I've never been mocked for my dykey appearance. People suck where you live.

*shrug* plenty of people have stuck around after I've said similar (autism, depression & hypersomnia). More often than not they confess that they struggle with depression too. So immediately we have become closer, bonded over something. It's nice.

I can't be bothered waiting months to find this stuff out. I want to know my potential partner as quickly as possible. I don't really care much how many cousins they have, what kind of car they drive, or what TV show they are into at the moment. But I do care about what sort of person they are, deep down, and how compatible our minds might be.

I live in Ontario. People do suck where I live. It's getting better, but I'm old enough that I've been around since it wasn't so great and I'm always alone when I'm out in public and that makes me vulnerable to street harassment.