A True Nice Person

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"i'm use to being the provider in the relationship...I'm so exhausted..I just want to find a real man. one that can treat me like a woman should be treated.

I want to be swept off my feet. I want to be impressed and charmed. I've never been with a man that made me feel supported or protected."


what this reads to me is she wants a man who has money that can provide for her.

some will even go to the point of saying they want a guy that can spoil and shelter them.

Growing tired of "real man" i might start a thread on it. would it be ok to say I'm looking for a "real woman" or would women find that offensive?

"Basics like job, vehicle and your own place." >.>

here's a good one but too old for me it seems.
"I'm looking for someone between the ages of 32-40 who is self sufficient, enjoys the outdoors and has a great sense of humor."

I get the not wanting to have to pay for another person, but requiring they make enough to pay for you too seems a superficial thing when looking for love. I at least I think it is.

I could compile a lot more but its quite depressing to me and off topic. I do feel like some on here think i'm making it up as some hurtful attack towards women. I don't hate women and I wish it was mad up. most the women here are very picky. No job=no date doesn't matter if you are the greatest guy in the world they'll never know as you have no job and therefore won't talk to you. I suppose I could just lie to them. I find it super hard to be dishonest. My current job apparently doesn't count as a job, plus it'd be found out eventually even if I ignored their texts to make it seem i was working, eventually we'd spend more time together and she'd catch on. I imagine such a relationship built on lie would be make most people very mad.

Are you saying that it's easier to be rejected for your personality? It's pretty much the only thing you can't change.

This is a satirical article (to counter another article) on a very strongly feminist website:
http://jezebel.com/10-types-of-men-that ... -473051378

Notice the first idea she thought of to counter the other list.

You're clearly targeting the wrong sort of people - for you, if you're constantly having this problem. Or "Cars and money" are a scapegoat for other things they don't really like about you.

No, I'm not.

Please don't use dating profiles as examples of real people. They're not realistic. Usually when it says that it just means they don't want to date a loser and a leech.

Do you date jobless men, hale bopp?

I have, many times. They turned out to be scum bags for other reasons.

More reason why men shouldn't date while unemployed.

http://healthland.time.com/2011/07/11/u ... o-divorce/

While you were unemployed or while holding a job?

Holding a job.
I've only dated someone when I was unemployed once.

When it comes to online dating of course it can be about looks, money, etc. OLDing is a very shallow world of course. But in real life its not always like that. But in many cases I have been left or passed up just because I don't own a vehicle. That can change. I can eventually get my own car. But like I said people only want to be around once you're successful or reach your goal. I am 50/50 on a man not having a job--because it is rough out there. But honestly you need to at least have some money to date. If you do not have some way to provide for yourself, dating is going to be tough or should you even try at all.

But if you look at OLDing those people are single for a reason. You can approach these people with a fake profile just to bring out their true nature. I have seen it done before and it is quite sad.

People may not "just find you attractive", but once you reach a new goal ohhh boy do you start to look good. I.E., a chubby girl could hit on me and want to date me; great personality may I add. I reject because of her size. Fast forward months later she loses weight and looks great. "Now" I want to date her. But she'll say, where were you when I was trying to lose weight?

When you're with a person at Lvl. 1, it says something about your character. But as I stated before the rules of masculinity forever changes. Men are held responsible for a lot of things they are/aren't doing. And not having a job will make things difficult.

I think most ASD people get SSI. And any type of help from the government gets you ridiculed on and looked down upon. I understand how that feels.

Yep, that. In fact the scumminess was often a cause of the joblessness. If you're miserable to people and you screw over employers, you have fewer options.

Most of my friends have also had stints of unemployment -- that's part of the GenX/Millennial story. But the only non-boyfriend, non-disabled friend I can think of who's spent years unemployed is a guy who's really gigantically tall and overweight and looks like a crusher. I mean if you don't know him, he looks really intimidating. He's smart as hell and very very polite and a wonderful husband and daddy, but I bet he's lost jobs just by looking a bit scary.

I see the thread has expanded onto a wider topic but I just wanted to add:

I don't think that a "true nice person" has to be nice "unconditionally".


Let's just say I consider myself to be a "true nice person", of course there's the whole "what one person thinks is "nice" isn't the same as someone else's idea of "nice"", but still I think I am, and no one is taking that away from me by saying I'm not because I sometimes feel lonely and/or miserable because my best intentions get ignored/taken for granted or miss/abused. Accepting those things wouldn't be signs of "a nice person", but the signs of a fool.

Right, but look at what the article also says, which is zero surprised to anyone who's had an unemployed husband/bf:



So you have to ask how much of this has to do with the guy's inability to cope with unemployment and his own emotions about it, plus his trouble dealing with the fact that doing home/childcare is actually a ton of work and deeply disrespected. (Welcome to what it's like for women every day!) So he implodes, and the job search grinds to a halt and he's not really doing a serious job of taking care of the house/kids, either -- largely because he never noticed how much work it is and is leaving much of it out -- and the woman's now doing a good chunk of the home/childcare plus all the earning, AND living with a morose man who refuses to admit he's got a problem and get help for it, AND who receives every offer of help as criticism.

Yes, this is a good recipe for divorce. It also makes single motherhood look pretty good after a while. I'm telling you, it's about the attitude.

And when I think about it, that story above - which happens over and over and over -- shows what the problem is. You have a guy who's used to being a very privileged dude. He's treated like a man. And then he loses the job, and his life becomes much more like women's lives: more responsible for home and children, needing to work but being stigmatized for caring for home and children, getting no respect or pay for putting in all the hours doing that work. And his reaction is to collapse and mourn his ego. Whose house does he do this in? The house of a woman who's had to live with those conditions all along. A person not particularly privileged. It's like the rich guy losing his fortune and having to live in a poor building, and crying all day long because of the miserable low condition he's sunk to. Nope, he's not going to have many friends among his neighbors. And it says a lot about who he is if he just cries till the money comes back, beats feet out of there asap, and doesn't look back, rather than spending some of his time in that building looking around himself and asking, "Why are all these people treated like s**t? And what can I do about it?"

ETA: I get that for a lot of guys, the implosion's also about the fear that their wives will shun and shame them because they don't have jobs. But I also know that this kind of fear can be totally deaf to the wife saying, "Sweetie, I love you, it's just a job, it'll be fine, you'll find something." And then the guy goes on staring at this self-generated nightmare of "my wife will leave me" until all the rest above happens, and it really destroys the marriage.

It would help a great deal in those situations if the guys had some self-awareness about these narratives and understood that the fears were culturally generated and not helping him, and that it's good in those circumstances to talk to people who *don't* think that way, and understand it's not the only way to look at the world, and themselves, and their wives.

May I pm you about this if you don't mind and discuss my feelings with you? If no then that's fine.