15 Aug 2014, 12:45 pm
Well, now you're mixing together shy and insecure and helpless (and even nerdy got thrown in there).
Are we talking level of social outgoing-ness (shy vs. outgoing), or are we talking about insecurity/lack of confidence, or are we talking about helplessness vs. competence, or are we talking nerdy vs. jocky? None of those are at all the same thing. 
Maybe what I'm trying to describe is wanting someone to have a well-developed sense of who they are, and maybe that is something that only comes with age and experience. But I do remember that, even in middle school and high school, I was always attracted to the geeky shy guys who were comfortable with themselves and didn't give a rat's ass about what other people thought of them. They were openly geeky, nerdy, or weird (or super-intelligent, which in high school was considered much less desirable than being one of the jocks). Non-mainstream, in other words. And guys who have the confidence to be exactly who they are and not feel the need to conform with whatever the fad du jour might be, are HOT. Even if they're shy on the surface.
This is why I don't get the whole PUA thing - it's encouraging men to all conform with that brash, cocky, jock (or "bad boy") stereotype. And I seriously don't get the women who are attracted to that sort of façade.
15 Aug 2014, 2:06 pm
15 Aug 2014, 2:30 pm
15 Aug 2014, 2:31 pm
15 Aug 2014, 3:23 pm
15 Aug 2014, 3:59 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2014, 4:47 pm
Are we talking level of social outgoing-ness (shy vs. outgoing), or are we talking about insecurity/lack of confidence, or are we talking about helplessness vs. competence, or are we talking nerdy vs. jocky? None of those are at all the same thing.
Maybe what I'm trying to describe is wanting someone to have a well-developed sense of who they are, and maybe that is something that only comes with age and experience. But I do remember that, even in middle school and high school, I was always attracted to the geeky shy guys who were comfortable with themselves and didn't give a rat's ass about what other people thought of them. They were openly geeky, nerdy, or weird (or super-intelligent, which in high school was considered much less desirable than being one of the jocks). Non-mainstream, in other words. And guys who have the confidence to be exactly who they are and not feel the need to conform with whatever the fad du jour might be, are HOT. Even if they're shy on the surface.
This is why I don't get the whole PUA thing - it's encouraging men to all conform with that brash, cocky, jock (or "bad boy") stereotype. And I seriously don't get the women who are attracted to that sort of façade.
Shyness is perceived as weakness, fear and insecurity by the majority of people, Period.
And shyness is certainly NOT "being comfortable with oneself" and certainly not "not giving a rat's ass about what other people think" - Shy people are shy to talk with others because they are always not comfortable and always afraid of people's reactions; it's totally contradictory to what you are saying.
Think of it, if a shy person really doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone then he/she wouldn't get shy to talk with anyone in the first place
. A guy who doesn't care wouldn't afraid to tell his crush "I LIKE you" because...hey he wouldn't care what she would say if she doesn't like him back .I think it's you who are confusing things, you are mainly confusing between "quiet" and "shy" - it's impossible for a very shy person to be socially confident (he might be confident at performing in some skill).
Shyness is often seen as a hindrance on people and their development. The cause of shyness is often disputed but it is found that fear is positively related to shyness,[2] suggesting that fearful children are much more likely to develop being shy as opposed to less fearful children. Shyness can also be seen on a biological level as a result of an excess of cortisol. When cortisol is present in greater quantities it is known to suppress an individual?s immune system, making them more susceptible to illness and disease.[3] The genetics of shyness is a relatively small area of research that has been receiving an even smaller amount of attention, although papers on the biological bases of shyness date back to 1988. Some research has indicated that shyness and aggression are related?through long and short forms of the gene DRD4, though considerably more research on this is needed. Further, it has been suggested that shyness and social phobia (the distinction between the two is becoming ever more blurred) are related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. As with other studies of behavioral genetics, the study of shyness is complicated by the number of genes involved in, and the confusion in defining, the phenotype. Naming the phenotype ? and translation of terms between genetics and psychology ? also causes problems.
Several genetic links to shyness are current areas of research. One is the serotonin transporter promoter region polymorphism (5-HTTLPR), the long form of which has been shown to be modestly correlated with shyness in grade school children.[4] Previous studies had shown a connection between this form of the gene and both obsessive-compulsive disorder and autism.[5] Mouse models have also been used, to derive genes suitable for further study in humans; one such gene, the glutamic acid decarboxylase gene (which encodes an enzyme that functions in GABA synthesis), has so far been shown to have some association with behavioral inhibition.[6]
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2791465/
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Aug 2014, 5:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2014, 5:10 pm
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