Online dating I only attract low value women.

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AlexanderDantes
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02 Nov 2014, 5:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


Repeating over & over that you are soooo smart makes you sound uber-insecure. Super-smart people? Usually aren't.

How tall are you? How fit are you? How bald are you?

And are the women who don't return your messages approximately as "attractive" as you, going by those same measures?

Because if you're a pudgy, short, bald & super-smart 48 yr old who emails only 21 yo blonde super-hotties who are super-smart... well, that's why you're getting no replies.

(If you rewrote your profile in an attempt to not come off as an over-entitled, condescending her, it'd probably help too!!).


Heightism, ageism, baldism....all in one post lol.


Plus, why are you assuming he is any of this, and why you are assuming he's messaging only smart hot blondes?


He is only being realistic in regards to the level of competition on dating websites. Attractive women receive five thousand messages a month.

Jerry, an important aspect is to make your initial messages stand out from other guys.

Avoid using:
Copy and pasted lines
Long messages introducing yourself
Pick up lines
Rude or bitter messages

I'm not saying that the above messages work, they have worked for me before and other young guys but if you better have a damn good selling point, Jerry.

Programming isn't a good selling point alone but stating you have a means of a stable income is definitely a bonus. However, women on dating sites receive so many messages from men that have incomes, do you want to be a cash point or a person?

My advice for you, Jerry, forget about the hot blondes for now and just focus on being less of a stiff.

Learn some humour
Become cultured or learn a language
Attend charity events, the women outnumber men at charity events
Take a night class on Photography or a humanities subject
Take up an extreme sport or martial art
Learn what the sociology and environmental science crowd are talking about

My friend, people like to talk about themselves and intelligence shouldn't be based on your specialized field after you graduate school. You should focus on learning about everything and not just textbook material. Learn to emphasize with people outside of your immediate circle or work environment, learn the stories they have to tell and the convictions they bear.

If you have an interesting lifestyle and photos that show you are learning and loving without the approval of others, you have a far better chance.



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02 Nov 2014, 6:11 am

hale_bopp wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


You sound exactly like my ex boyfriend. Your ego is absolutely insane, Guess what.. he is now in his 40's, childless and lonely.


...so that raises the question: are you legitimately trying to sort out this issue with the OP or are you just pissed at your ex?


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02 Nov 2014, 6:19 am

hale_bopp wrote:
...and inability to see himself in the light other people might see him...

This stands out at me.
It is typically difficult for those on the spectrum to understand how they are viewed by others.

I have this difficulty constantly, you can see it even how I am interacting in this thread- I say something, someone calls me on it and basically accuses me of being an ass and I am like "wait what?" and have to back track and apologize and also say "no, not at all?". This causes much frustration and that happens all over the board with many individuals in this community. It does not happen with every single individual on the spectrum, but is not uncommon.

And even if one is aware of it [i am aware of it- though I don't see it in an interaction often until afterward], it does not necessarily make it an easy thing to grasp or improve upon [as seen here <----]. This is actually why I mention some of the things I do.


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02 Nov 2014, 6:21 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


Repeating over & over that you are soooo smart makes you sound uber-insecure. Super-smart people? Usually aren't.

How tall are you? How fit are you? How bald are you?

And are the women who don't return your messages approximately as "attractive" as you, going by those same measures?

Because if you're a pudgy, short, bald & super-smart 48 yr old who emails only 21 yo blonde super-hotties who are super-smart... well, that's why you're getting no replies.

(If you rewrote your profile in an attempt to not come off as an over-entitled, condescending her, it'd probably help too!!).


Hey, there is nothing wrong with being proud of one's achievements. Besides running down every guy you see on this forum, what have you done with your life?



JJ is Tarantella64



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02 Nov 2014, 6:28 am

Where did he he say he messages just hot blondes? He didn't even mention looks.

He was complaining how they can't keep a intelligent conversation and aren't smart enough; read his op again.



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02 Nov 2014, 8:32 am

sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
It's not *my* summary, in the sense that I didn't come up with the idea. I always thought that being friends first was the most obvious way to have a good relationship...then I joined this board and everybody seemed to be saying that wasn't an option - if you didn't ask the girl out within say three weeks then she'd friendzone you.


From the guy view of this, I don't think friendship is a possible route for me. I have never gotten a romantic interest in a girl that I knew a lot about beforehand. All my crushes have required that the girl be a stranger to me.


similar. you either a friend or a lover in my mind.

not that I don't want my lover to be my companion which is like my best best friend. but it needs to be built up as a romantic relationship. I want to be friends, but not just friends. I can't become romantically involved with a friend.


Yes. You build-up a friendship in the first part of the relationship. That is how it always worked for me. I suppose typical people (NTs) focus on building an attachment with sex, but I build up an attachment much like a friendship instead.



CynicalWaffle
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02 Nov 2014, 9:01 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


You sound exactly like my ex boyfriend. Your ego is absolutely insane, Guess what.. he is now in his 40's, childless and lonely.


Jerry, that's something for your employability. I don't think it has much influence when it comes to dating. That's something to put less emphasis on when it comes to finding a romantic interest.

It doesn't matter if you have a degree from MIT or if you are a brilliant minded mathematical computer scientist, if you are walking around with a sense of bitterness and arrogance, people are going to sense that.


And yet, "bitterness and arrogance" don't stop men from getting in relationships.



Sorenzo
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02 Nov 2014, 9:06 am

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'd like to point out that referring to people as "low value" is not really kosher.

I get it. I've been on dating sites. The only women who write you are only interested in being friends, or they're overweight, or they're not exceptionally interesting to talk to, at least at first. (Some people do have a hard time opening up to strangers, and some are interesting despite having poor grammar, so it's good that you don't immediately dismiss people.)

(Disclaimer: I don't intend to criticize people who are overweight. But unfortunately, we don't get to choose our preferences. I can no more blame a man for not finding a woman interesting than I can blame a woman for not finding me interesting. Being overweight is a terrible curse, and I'm sorry if this topic makes you feel horrible.)

The frank answer to the OP's question is that there are many more men on dating sites, generally speaking, than women. This is particularly true for dating sites that don't include friendship-type stuff. As a result, every man has more competition, and every woman has more choice. This effectively makes you less interesting to the people you're writing. That said, this isn't economics. Women are extremely diverse, and some intelligent, beautiful women are kind enough to write pretty much anyone.

I have two pieces of advice: Either start looking for friends online. Male or female (you are allowed to "discriminate". I only have female friends.). At worst, you'll make friends. At best, they'll introduce you to more people. I'm not saying, like some do, that you have to stop looking for love (or sex), but that you'll make yourself happier and also more successful if you do find friends.
Alternatively, get off the dating sites altogether. They're not making you happy, they're not improving your relationship with your fellow humans. And if you meet women in real life, you won't have to compete for their attention with seventeen other guys at a time. Unless they're REALLY addicted to their phones. :)

Now, I'm one to talk. I can barely go out, especially alone, and I usually end up crying. I always hate people who tell me I need to go out. I'm not saying it's obligatory, and I won't judge you if you don't, but it really is more likely to succeed in getting you where you want to be in life than are dating sites.

I hope I didn't offend anyone throughout this post. I would offend equally many people if I wrote from the female perspective. Just because it's hard for you, man or woman, it doesn't mean it's not also hard for the other people, women or men. Women online get hounded by men who write terrible, terrible stuff and who practically harass them if the woman ends up writing a reply to the wrong person. This is likely a big reason why women don't like dating sites, which compounds the problem.


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02 Nov 2014, 12:43 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
And yet, "bitterness and arrogance" don't stop men from getting in relationships.


Seriously?
While there's some bitter and arrogant men in relationships, there's many more who have lost relationships or who's relationships are toxic for both parties involved due to those traits.


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CynicalWaffle
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02 Nov 2014, 2:35 pm

Yes, seriously. And the funny thing is, these guys are the ones who end up in LONGER relationships than the ones who are not bitter/arrogant. Kinda makes you think.

And you would think, well, they're in relationships with women who are maladjusted themselves, but that is usually not the case either. I think I mentioned this before, but one very good example is this guy I've been....well....not quite friends with for about 10 years. He's the laziest, most bitter, most arrogant person I've ever met. Yet he can get relationships with women who are at least halfway decent personality-wise. The only reason he can't keep them is because he keeps being stupid and breaking up with them. If not for that, I'm quite sure he'd be married by now and have a bitter little hellspawn running around.

If you seriously think that bitter people and total a-holes can't and won't end up in relationships, you're living the exact definition of a fairy tale...



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02 Nov 2014, 2:48 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
Yes, seriously. And the funny thing is, these guys are the ones who end up in LONGER relationships than the ones who are not bitter/arrogant. Kinda makes you think.

And you would think, well, they're in relationships with women who are maladjusted themselves, but that is usually not the case either. I think I mentioned this before, but one very good example is this guy I've been....well....not quite friends with for about 10 years. He's the laziest, most bitter, most arrogant person I've ever met. Yet he can get relationships with women who are at least halfway decent personality-wise. The only reason he can't keep them is because he keeps being stupid and breaking up with them. If not for that, I'm quite sure he'd be married by now and have a bitter little hellspawn running around.

If you seriously think that bitter people and total a-holes can't and won't end up in relationships, you're living the exact definition of a fairy tale...


Being a bitter, maladjusted misanthrope is points against you in a relationship. It's not that it makes a relationship impossible, it's that it makes it less likely. It's their other traits that cause people to be around them, not their bitter, arrogant traits. Like all people, these people have a collection of traits. Being bitter and arrogant are only two of those traits.

If you seriously think that being a bitter prick makes one more likely to find and maintain a relationship than you're simply out of touch with reality.


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AlexanderDantes
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02 Nov 2014, 3:46 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Yes, seriously. And the funny thing is, these guys are the ones who end up in LONGER relationships than the ones who are not bitter/arrogant. Kinda makes you think.

And you would think, well, they're in relationships with women who are maladjusted themselves, but that is usually not the case either. I think I mentioned this before, but one very good example is this guy I've been....well....not quite friends with for about 10 years. He's the laziest, most bitter, most arrogant person I've ever met. Yet he can get relationships with women who are at least halfway decent personality-wise. The only reason he can't keep them is because he keeps being stupid and breaking up with them. If not for that, I'm quite sure he'd be married by now and have a bitter little hellspawn running around.

If you seriously think that bitter people and total a-holes can't and won't end up in relationships, you're living the exact definition of a fairy tale...


Being a bitter, maladjusted misanthrope is points against you in a relationship. It's not that it makes a relationship impossible, it's that it makes it less likely. It's their other traits that cause people to be around them, not their bitter, arrogant traits. Like all people, these people have a collection of traits. Being bitter and arrogant are only two of those traits.

If you seriously think that being a bitter prick makes one more likely to find and maintain a relationship than you're simply out of touch with reality.


Does he have a disability that effects how he socializes with others?

If you have Autism, you have to minimize your negative traits and work on improving your positive traits. Some people can afford to be bitter because they can connect to others with less difficulty.



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02 Nov 2014, 3:51 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:
Does he have a disability that effects how he socializes with others?

If you have Autism, you have to minimize your negative traits and work on improving your positive traits. Some people can afford to be bitter because they can connect to others with less difficulty.


Well said.
Even if he's not on the spectrum, we all have a mix of characteristics. He isn't getting girls because he's bitter, he's getting them in spite of it.


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Jjancee
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02 Nov 2014, 5:15 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
AlexanderDantes wrote:
Does he have a disability that effects how he socializes with others?

If you have Autism, you have to minimize your negative traits and work on improving your positive traits. Some people can afford to be bitter because they can connect to others with less difficulty.


Well said.
Even if he's not on the spectrum, we all have a mix of characteristics. He isn't getting girls because he's bitter, he's getting them in spite of it.


The Peter Principle of dating, perhaps?



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02 Nov 2014, 8:29 pm

SignOfLazarus wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


You sound exactly like my ex boyfriend. Your ego is absolutely insane, Guess what.. he is now in his 40's, childless and lonely.


...so that raises the question: are you legitimately trying to sort out this issue with the OP or are you just pissed at your ex?


The ex has nothing to do with any of my replies here. I just wanted to point out a real life example of someone with the exact same attitude.



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02 Nov 2014, 10:55 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
At work I have been interviewing job candidates for programming roles.

So I am a programmer, and one good enough to judge others. When I tell my employer, candidate x is competent, and candidate y is a no-hoper, they make important hiring decisions based on that feedback.


Repeating over & over that you are soooo smart makes you sound uber-insecure. Super-smart people? Usually aren't.

How tall are you? How fit are you? How bald are you?

And are the women who don't return your messages approximately as "attractive" as you, going by those same measures?

Because if you're a pudgy, short, bald & super-smart 48 yr old who emails only 21 yo blonde super-hotties who are super-smart... well, that's why you're getting no replies.

(If you rewrote your profile in an attempt to not come off as an over-entitled, condescending her, it'd probably help too!!).


Hey, there is nothing wrong with being proud of one's achievements. Besides running down every guy you see on this forum, what have you done with your life?



JJ is Tarantella64


That doesn't help to sort out her achievements, Tarantella never gave me her resume. :P


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