Does this count as a date?

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I made love to about 27 of them before I turned 30. Mostly one/two night flings which might have meant something for me, but certainly not for them.

I gave blood both for donation and research. I'm HIV negative (fortunately, given my past behavior).

Chronologically: My Life

Born: 1961

Ages Birth to 1: seemed like a "normal" infant

Ages 1-5: Probably Kanner/Classic autistic. Had many symptoms. No speech. Diagnosed with autism circa age 3, "brain damage" a bit later.

Age 5-11: Attended separate "special schools" from nursery to 5th grade. Started speaking age 5.5. Learned to read circa age 4. To write age 6. Did pretty well academically, poor behaviorally. Learned to ride bike age 7.5. Was Aspergian in clinical presentation.

Age 11-14: Attended "regular school." Was close to honor roll academically, poor behaviorally. Was almost expelled. Threw temper tantrums. Got thrown out of classes at least half the time. Still Aspergian.

Age 14-18: Attended schools for "gifted underachievers." Did well academically, fair behaviorally. Still thrown out of classes, though less frequently. Graduated despite not being able to term paper. Had a girlfriend senior year who had problems which lead to suicide in 1998.

Age 18-30: Got jobs upon graduation. Quit some. Fired from others. Got my present job age 19. Lived with high school girlfriend for 8 months age 20-21. Then went from home to home, sometimes living with women, sometimes living alone,until age 29. Was promiscuous. Still Aspie. Maintained employment.

Age 30 to present: Moved to steady apartment age 29 3/4. Got married age 35. Got my license age 37. Had steady girlfriend before marriage. Stated college age 36. Got Bachelors age 45. Maintained my job. Learned to relate better to people thogh still pretty Aspie.

Excellent. Your autobiography will be preserved here for the ages or at least as long as the server stays up.

You ever heard the Abe Lincoln quote where he described his life as beings "the annals of the poor?"

Well....my life has been somewhat of that nature.

All I can say is: people are sometimes moody!

It is our job as humans to navigate this world. This is part of this world.

So I ignored her for a while and she ignored me. I was already seeing someone. and then I wasn't. She kept ignoring me and I kept a low profile so it wouldn't seem like I was coming on too strong. Gradually we started talking again. Our conversations went from phlegmatic to more animated. She really is a nice girl and I don't just say that because she's the only girl on our team. Her only flaw is that she's an overachiever.

I'm not sure when/if I should ask her out again. I keep thinking that since she fobbed me off in December that means she wants only to be friends, like at first she thought it was a platonic get-together then she figured out my intentions and that scared her off (that is to say, I thought the answer to my opening post was no). I keep thinking I was lucky to get let down easy and if I ask her out again I could just cause further embarrassment, this time let down in a more open way or I could land in trouble.

On the other hand, it really seemed like she was flirting wit me in February. Maybe she was trying to hint that she wanted me to ask her out. Why should I disappoint her?

I figured the solution was to just keep her talking a bit each day, refriend her first. We had our longest conversation in ages today. It started well but I think the ending may've put her off. She asked me how I was going, I said "Fine but I have leave early" "For TAFE?" "Yes" "What are you studying?" "Programming... C#" "Oh I remember doing C#, that was so interesting!" "You studied programming as well? Is there anything you haven't studied? Should I assume you have an MD as well?" "No..."

Before long I realized I'd sounded really bitter. I doing my usual trick of taking out my own frustrations and regrets on everyone else. My usual trick of hating people only because they didn't make the same mistakes as me. Only because they didn't make the mistake of doing nothing for a decade. People like that (nearly everyone) remind me of how stupid I once was.

I guess I should just forget it happened and try to keep her talking. To apologize would only remind her it happened. It's kind of hard to keep her talking because she sits at a different pod of desks than me but I will try.