Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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Yes, but aspie women on average have less success with jobs.

I agree with Gauldoth.

In my experience, "normal" people consider us boring, because we (or at least I) usually don't use emotions in everyday communication. We seem rational, cold, and unable to feel love. It is somewhat true - I am 25, and I have never fallen in love. I can care about the people I like, and I find certain women attractive from time to time, but that is not love. Love is a complete mystery to me. Even in those rare occasions when I feel something, that feeling is not the basis of my actions. I never act upon feelings.

Attraction and love are double sided coins. I also don't find normal women attractive, just as much as they don't find my reservedness attractive. They are emotional, social, and they expect the same in return. It is very energy-consuming to pretend that I'm like that, and when I have so many other things to do, it's not worth the effort.

I also hate dating. On dates, people usually show their best sides, and how fun they are. First, I'm not fun. I'm serious all the time (even when I'm in a funny mood). Second, I find no use in showing my best side for someone I plan to live my next few decades with. I'm not always in my best mood, so I think they should know what to expect. I also expect the same in return. I don't want perfection, because it bores me to death. I also don't like funny, outgoing women, because I always think about that huge ammount of energy they put in their social lives instead of our relationship. They also make me feel boring.

So all in all, it is very difficult to find serious, reserved women who value the same qualities in men, in a society which prefers social, outgoing and funny people.

One other thing: Since I have very limited social skills, I tend to say things that upset and offend people without any intention to really offend them. I only realize this when they walk out of the room without saying anything. Sometimes I say nothing at all, which is also perfectly fine for me, but not for others. These are also not very attractive traits.

I have not been on this forum for very long, but I have noticed something, and it is that some men here tend to generalize a lot about women. You cannot go around saying women like this type of man, women do this or that. Women consist of individuals, just like men do.

That is true, but my experiences with very different kinds of women were almost the same.

Yes but I assume you haven't dated every woman on earth and remember that if you meet women and you have set up this dogma that women are a certain way and only want certain things than you are setting up yourself for failure. I also think that if you share this view with women then they will probably not view you kindly...

You have a point. Actually, this is quite a trap. The more failures I have with women, the more generalizations I have to make in order to explain my failure to myself. The more generalizations I make, the more failures I'll keep having. But I cannot do otherwise. I can either present myself as a funny, outgoing person, and hate myself for it, or admit that I'm not that kind of guy, and be bound to fail again.

Another issue is that quiet, reserved women don't tend to be very visible. Even if they're around, you don't recognise their presence (or even if you do, you can't get their attention in any way). It's a pity there isn't a single straight answer to life's problems.

I think it's normal defense mechanism, we all have them of one form or other, but I think in the long run it will sabotage for you, I think for your own benefit you should try a new approach. Don't see yourself in such negative light; try to focus more on your strengths and less on your weaknesses.



Have you tried meeting women online? Not necessarily on dating sites, but maybe on forums related to for instance your hobbies, maybe it would be easier for you to find a better match for you that way. It is also nice to be able to interact with people online so you get to know them better before meeting them.

I feel that it has to do with "what is the norm." Since I'm in High/Secondary School, it's "Guys with big guns, tall, and good at sports" who are considered attractive, I have the height, 1.80m/6'4, but I'm not the sports type, I'm Fat, ugly, and a Nerd, I even feel that I'm too tall to fit in, I can't even go in our basement without ducking really low, (and it's hurting my back.) I have chivalry, (Which isn't the thing in High School, Girls want to be treated like sh*t!) I feel younger than I actually am... I also do not want to have kids, (I don't want to deal with the financing and the trouble, and since we don't know what causes autism, (Most likely genetic,) I don't want my kid to suffer the same fate as me, and also "The Survival Of The Fittest," Which I am not! Because my family's got a lot of genetics for mental disorders, on both sides, Mother has Bi-polar disorder, Father has depression, so I'm made out of "Sticks and Rocks.") So I'm going to die alone, in vain, no one will give a sh*t, no one will cry about it, the only thing I might have is money, because I want to start a video game producing business, and there's a huge market for that! But let's face it, Girls are going to choose the poor jock over the rich nerd any day, aye?

If only I had a nickel for every time a woman gave that reply.

true but luckly they broadcast it on their profiles, ads, facebooks, so one doesn't have to date them to know this. also comes out a lot in pre date conversations .

so while yeah women don't share a hive mind they do conform to society says is normal. so if 9/10 women say the same thing, what other conclusion can you come to?

most the women who disagree with this are from outside the usa. most who agree with it are from the usa. so the women say not all women are like that are generalizing based on their culture/society/nation.
while I am basing it off data from my nation/society/culture. americans have been consumed with well commercialization. probably because those in power want americans to buy buy buy, so they portray the good real men as those with consumer power, ie money and objects. so its no wonder women want that as its what society says is a good man. also a hold over from when women didn't work and had to rely on men to provide.

really can't say what others see is wrong when you don't live there and only see what you see. rest of world sounds pretty good in comparison. but I live where I live and can't leave. so in that regard anyone outside the northwest of usa means nothing to me as I'll never come in contact or have option to date them. so if all of japan women would date a homeless guy means nothing if all women women think a homeless man is a pile of trash that should just die(example not saying they do, even though a lot of them do minus the dying part.). I don't live in japan.

And that's not even counting the women who flat out lie through their teeth about what they want. I mean, am I the only one who gets a chuckle every time he hears a woman say the most important thing for her in a man is a sense of humour? I mean, that alone is a joke in and of itself.

If you think having money will better your chances, do what you Need to to get what you Want & obtain some money - no matter how long it takes. If that's what you believe will get you the relationship you desperately desire, then set a goal and work towards it. If it works, great. If not, you'll have set a goal and worked hard on something & have accumulated some money with which to make life a little easier for yourself - win-win, either way.

true. I think they mean its simi important. or rather i think they only mean its the most important thing after considering they'd only date men who meet the other requirements. so excluding poor ugly guys, when choosing from hot middle class guys humour is the most important thing.

others lie cause they want to portray that they are good and open minded, they may even want to believe they truly are but they aren't. people often don't want to face bitter truths. they want to believe they are good. though good isn't in the sense of good vs evil. just good in another sense, hard to explain.

doesn't matter, cause if/when i get a good jobI won't date. I don't want to be fake loved for my money. and any woman who won't date/love a guy unless he has a decent job doesn't love the guy at all. so f them. so I'm screwed either way.

as for moving its not so easy as me and others have pointed out. cool that you have that option to just up and move , but many many many others can't they will live in die in the same town they were born in, moving is extremely expesnive and risky for someone who has a hard time getting a job, its even worse if they quit that job and move to another town.
now they poor, homeless in aother town with none of the supports they had in their home town. completely screwed.

What's the point in complaining endlessly about things you think are unattractive about yourself vs. doing things to change all of the ones that are within your control?

If you're out of shape, get in shape. Do exercise & eat healthily. Over time you will improve.

If you have no money, then work for it & save/invest until you have money. Over time, this will improve, too.

<insert any other trait that you feel is unattractive about yourself that is within your power to change & change it>

Seriously. Dwelling on these things does not change them. Only actions can. It doesn't happen over night, but it can happen over time - the old "Rome wasn't built in a day."

And I'm not just blowing smoke up your asses, either. I've done these things myself. It hasn't been easy, but Nothing worth doing is easy.

3 years or so ago I was 6'2 242lbs w/ a 38" waist. Today I'm 6'2 200lbs w/ a 32" or so waist at 13% body fat. I do ~2500 pushups/month and can head outside and run 10km or 10miles at just about any moment. It hasn't been easy, but it has certainly been worth it. I'm going to do the Tough Mudder in Whistler again this Summer & it's going to be epic. I'm sure kiteboarding is going to be a lot more fun than ever, too, now that I'm in better shape and can wrangle my kite & board better than ever. And I'm not gonna lie, sex is certainly better while in shape than out of shape, too. So are my options for it.

Also, a few years ago I was over $100K in debt, then bankrupt. My bankruptcy discharged on my birthday in September of 2013. I've been working & saving ever since and am up the better part of ~$30K depending on the stock market on any given day. Again, it hasn't been easy, but well worth it - certainly a LOT more rewarding than complaining about my situation vs. doing something about it... which, FYI if you haven't figured out, is unattractive to others. (complaining about your situation vs. accepting it for what it is and moving forward with a game plan and actions to do something about it.)

..or you could do as you've always done and get as you've always got and we'll be sure to read about it again in a year's time while you're still complaining about things instead of changing them.

That's absurd. All of it.

So don't advertise your net worth nor your income to people. Earn & have money for yourself. It makes life a lot less stressful having cash in the bank. As for it's attractiveness while dating, it's certainly better to be perceived as self sufficient or a provider than as poor. You've acknowledged that yourself. Doesn't mean you have to spend $$$ on dates. Just having money & the capability to earn more of it is attractive to others even if you're not spending it on them. Others don't need to know how much money you do or don't have, so it doesn't need to influence whether they love you or not.. but if you come across as broke & stressed out because of it, that's obviously unattractive. Money can make you more attractive to others without spending a penny on them.

And I call BS on the moving thing, too. Someone may have just as difficult a time finding a job in a new town, true, as how you do anything is how you do everything.. but come on, there's no additional risk. If you can get a job in one place you can get a job in another, and if the new place is more conducive to meeting friends or dates then it might just be a much happier place to reside, work, and play. Like the quote says, you're not a tree - you don't have roots holding you in the ground anywhere. If you really don't like the place where you are, then make a plan to move & then work the plan until you achieve your goal and relocate. It really is as simple as that.